I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

Why didn’t you say no?

Just No! Completely unreasonable of them even to ask!

Just say no, you're 9 months pregnant so it's not possible.

And then just do nothing.

Because this party cannot happen in your house if you do nothing.
Unless of course DH decides to take it on, but in that case you continue to do absolutely nothing and no way will he be doing all the cooking and cleaning for it so it won't happen

People can't actually force you to do anything. They can't hold a gun to your head until you start cooking some vol-au-vents.

What are they going to do? Break into the house with their 30 guests.

Cheeky fuckers. Get them told - it will do you good and also it will be a warning shot to them. If you let them get away with this they will continue to be a nightmare.

Got no. Your baby might come early!

It’s not a good sign that he isn’t putting you and the baby firmly first op.

They must be incredibly stupid or incredibly rude. Or both. Please keep saying no to your DH and to them.

This is another case of DH Diplomacy and its how mixed messaging gets started, when a polite firm no in good time would have worked wonders.
I often see people being advised to let the DH deal with it - when half the time its the DH not having a backbone or thinking more of other people's needs than his own partners that cause the issue in the first place! And then I see people waiting around for the DH to deal with it, whilst the DH is hoping the whole horrid mess will somehow go away.

He's not the one who will be 9 months pregnant and he's been trained to do as he's told by CFs.

So yes, your DH should support you, but its also up to you. There is no set rule saying that you can only communicate with them via him. So text them yourself having give DH strong instructions that you are not moving from this position.

DH diplomacy may work in some situations, but this is a straightforward issue of your health and well-being and of your baby's and you are "allowed" to make your own voice heard, indeed it's good practice for the future - so make sure the "event" is properly cancelled.

if he still doesn't "see" the "issue" ( has he been to any appointments with you?) ask your midwife in front of him what she thinks of the idea at your very next appointment.

As he currently doesn't "get it" be prepared for him to be very very wishy-washy in telling them... or leaving it to the last minute so its harder to change everyone's plans because the CFs have already set them in stone. If that happens it will be up to you to deal with it anyway and you will have a situation where DH is OK with it and he's told them he will be extra helpful on the day so you wont get tired then you really are everyone's bad guy.

Dont let this hang over your for the rest of your pregnancy.

Agree. Just say no, that doesn't work for me. And yes, in this case, I would say just that.

DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing.

What happens if you're in labour and he's with you? How can he be organising and cleaning up after this party while he's with you?

When the baby arrives, you'll have to learn to say no to people. Otherwise you'll be putting people above yourself and the baby. You should say no, because you might have had the baby by then. Even if you haven't, you need peace, quiet and rest. I otherwise you'll make yourself ill. Just message her politely to say, I'm sorry I can't host a party, because its too close to baby's due date. Midwife said I need rest.

Why is this so time-critcal? Why don't they ask one of their friends.

As PP says, your DH has been brainwashed by them if he's going along with this.

You need to explain to your DH how due dates work.

I happened to have easy pregnancies and am very much Team hiking up Everest at 9 months, so could happily have hosted a party actually. But I couldn't have done it while in labour, or while in hospital recovering from a C-section, and at 9 months that's a real possibility.

Like other posters, by my due date I had four week old baby, still struggling to get breast feeding fully established, and in my case I was using a catheter, wearing a bag for it, and having regular hospital appointments. No way Jose was I hosting a party.

Hahahahaha 9 months pregnant! Errrr not a chance!

No I’m 9 months pregnant now and baby could come any day…

Your baby could even have been born by then so just say no and politely tell them to eff off

YANBU. Explain that you’ll be very near your due date.

How utterly selfish of these people. I would be furious at being asked and even more so at your dh. He sounds pathetic for not even thinking about it.

I bet they pass the house off as theirs as well!

How much cooking did they do for you?

I wouldn't host a party for 20-30 people in my home. I wouldn't do it for anyone else. It's too big of an ask, regardless of what it is for. Why can't they host or find a venue?

I might host my immediate family, (parent, siblings and their DC) = 22 people. Each group would bring a dish and drinks. They help clear up.

What are you going to do if you are in labour or have just given birth the day before? Will you be handing out drinks between contractions or with a newborn under your arm? I wouldn't even plan for friends or family to pop over so close to a due date, I went mad when my in laws dropped by when I was 39 weeks, I said to my husband I felt like they had invaded my privacy. It's a ridiculous idea hosting a party when this pregnant, nevermind 30 people for someone else!!!

Erm - hosting a party at 9 months pregnant. Good God no.

For the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy I could hardly get out of the armchair.

They're totally unreasonable to ask. You really just need to say no.

If they need more space then they hire a room somewhere or go to a restaurant.

No, I am afraid that will not be possible.

Such an important time for you and your DH to get comfortable saying no and advocating for yourselves and your child.

What the heck happens if you are in labour at home, when the party is happening/about to happen.... I was home for 18 hours "in labour" with my first... Started around 6am and went in to hospital around midnight.