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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

593 replies

BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:20

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
MzHz · 04/10/2022 13:55

Yabu.

for allowing this shit in the first place!

text. Today. Now.

”dear friend, thinking about this event/party etc, I’ll potentially be either heavily pregnant or perhaps a brand new mum or even in the hospital. It won’t be possible to host your event, you’ll have to make other arrangements. Sorry if this is a little inconvenient, but having had time to think, I’d be utterly bonkers to consider doing this. Hope you sort something else out, all the best… “

Mumsnut · 04/10/2022 13:55

CaptainMum - that's genius!

Herja · 04/10/2022 13:55

Even more important to have good boundaries if it's an inlaw. As it's his mother, DH should ideally do the telling. If he won't though, then make bloody sure that you do. Then impress upon him quite how much of a let down, and how usless, he has been.

KarenOLantern · 04/10/2022 13:56

Good lord. I was assuming this was a friend who'd never been pregnant and therefore didn't understand the implications, but if it's your in-laws then they CLEARLY know the score.

You need to just say no, it's too close to your due date. You could be in labour, you could have a day-old newborn... (not to mention how exhausted you'll be, which they probably won't care about). It's an absurd idea. And get your husband to firmly tell them no.

goldfinchonthelawn · 04/10/2022 13:57

Just say no. You may be in labour or about to go into labour or with a newborn. that is not the time to be hosting a party.
If they don't completely understand they are not a friend and you are way better off without such leeches in life once you have children to care for.

pinkyredrose · 04/10/2022 13:57

Ridiculous suggestion! You'll be about to give birth!

strawberry2017 · 04/10/2022 13:58

No sorry that doesn't work for us

Cheeky to ask!

Weirdlynormal · 04/10/2022 13:58

Tell them you are planning on eating your placenta and happy to make vol-au-vents as it'll still be fresh on the day of the party.

Er. No.

Lemonyfuckit · 04/10/2022 14:01

Never mind what your DH said about managing the day, this is ridiculous. Tell your husband to just say no, sorry we won't be able to. Doesn't need to give a 'reason' as it's ridiculous to have asked when you'll be 9 months pregnant, but the easiest reason he could give if you want is: won't be possible as it's highly likely we'd have to cancel last minute what with BrinaEds being so close to giving birth.

Greenhillsfaraway · 04/10/2022 14:02

Say NO , it’s a real cheek to be asked !

Herejustforthisone · 04/10/2022 14:02

“Sorry, no. Obviously that won’t work as I’ll be nine months pregnant.”

Would they be likely to leave all the shitty mess for you to clean up too? They sound like the types that would.

IncompleteSenten · 04/10/2022 14:02

What if you go into labour in the middle of this party? Or the day before?
Even if you don't, you'll be ready to pop and it is ridiculous to expect this of you.

The very most I would allow if I had a gun to my head would be use the house but I'll be upstairs, don't disturb me and if my water breaks me and my husband will be going to the hospital and you'll have to leave.

fucap · 04/10/2022 14:03

You should have said it was the in laws first. Saying it was a "friend" really doesn't help because the advice would be a bit different. It's in laws so your DH should tell them no rather than leaving you to deal with it. Why isn't he?

I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no

Tell DH that it is not happening and he needs to tell in laws by X date. If he hasn't done it by X date you will tell them.
There is no way in hell I would host a party in my own house for someone else at 9 months pregnant. What if the baby arrives early for one thing?
In laws are ridiculous even asking such a thing.

LemonPledge555 · 04/10/2022 14:03

20-30 people? 9 months? What if you have the baby a week early, will they expect you to host with a week old baby? Assuming it’s all straightforward and you get home.

Not a chance.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 04/10/2022 14:09

Oh good grief. If you’re having trouble saying “No”, how about “My midwife has advised against this so unfortunately I have to say No”? Because any midwife would!

obviously if your Dh is offering to deep clean the house, tell him you’re not hosting the party but he can still do the cleaning.

ShandaLear · 04/10/2022 14:09

‘No, but the village hall is only £50 to hire for the afternoon’. Are they expecting you to actually host (buy all the food and drinks and do all the top up etc.) or do they just want to use your house. Either way, it’s bonkers.

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/10/2022 14:09

What IS it with people and feckin' parties these days?

No, - just NO! It's bad enough an idea hosting your own party, but doing it for bloody in-laws?

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/10/2022 14:11

I've just had Covid, by the way - caused by sitting in a coach with other people for an hour each way. Cramming 20-30 people into your house in winter is begging for infection with something.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 04/10/2022 14:14

When I was 8.5 months with my first, I had a very small party in my home, for MY birthday. The invited guests brought all the food, we sat around eating cake, and they cleaned up before they left. I was still shattered. And then had the baby 4 days later.

inappropriateraspberry · 04/10/2022 14:15

"Sorry, I can't do it, I'll be due my baby then and it won't work. I don't want strangers in my house, especially with a new baby."

2bazookas · 04/10/2022 14:15

Just say "No, sorry; we absolutely can't host it. I'll be 9 months pregnant and don't want to ruin your day by going into labour/waters breaking on your guests".

Maybe she's a bit thick and hadn't realised the timing.?

DH needs to get on board the baby train; EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE.

Jjones8 · 04/10/2022 14:17

Absolutely no way!!

fucap · 04/10/2022 14:17

I've just had Covid, by the way - caused by sitting in a coach with other people for an hour each way. Cramming 20-30 people into your house in winter is begging for infection with something

Absolutely. And Covid isn't the only thing going around at the moment. I currently have a horrible non-Covid virus (tested negative several times) - runny nose, completely lost my voice, any attempt to speak results in coughing fits, very tickly throat. And I'm not the only person around here with it - lots of people seem to have it.
No way on earth should a woman who is 9 months pregnant be hosting any kind of party with 20-30 guests.

Glitterspy · 04/10/2022 14:19

You are an adult, why can’t you just say no?

Workawayxx · 04/10/2022 14:20

No, no, no. If it's hard to say no for your own sake (which you absolutely can and should), I'd tackle it from the angle that you may be in labour or in hospital and have to cancel the party and you wouldn't want that to happen.