I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

[BrinaEds]

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

[andtheweedonkey]

YABU to even consider it.

How did you not laugh in their face?

Tell them and your DH no. NO. NO. NO.

[ChaToilLeam]

You say NO!

It is crazy that you were asked. It’s crazy to say yes. Just tell them no way and be done with it. And tell your DH he needs to grow a pair.

[Thinkbiglittleone]

Just message or ring her and say, with me already being increasingly tired with this pregnancy I really am going to have to pull out of tge evebt being at our home, but if you find somewhere I will help you out as much as I can to get everything organised. I thought it best we have a solid plan as I would hate to have to pull out last minute due to being so far along in the pregnancy"

Done.

It baffles me how people call each-other friends but can't have the simplest of conversations.

[NotSorry]

When I was 2 weeks off my due date (with my 4th), it was Christmas. So us and our extended family went to a restaurant for Christmas (my Dsis also had a 2 week old) and then they came back to ours for the afternoon and some tea (so I didn't have to travel) my husband is super helpful and ran around everyone and I was still shattered and had to go and have a lie down. No, no and thrice no

[SatinHeart]

I don't feel like I can say no

Why not? You will be heavily pregnant. You may even be in labour or having just given birth. That's batshit.

How 'close' is this close friend to make such a CF reqest?

[Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic]

Ofcourse you can say no, and you should say no. We shouldn't do things in life to help someone else out and then expecting something in return. If that what your friend has done then they're not a proper friend. I actually can't believe they'd even ask you to host a party and have a house full of strangers regardless of being 9 months pregnant. Your DH should be telling you to say no, not offering to help 🤦🏼‍♀️

[HaggisBurger]

@justasking111

Be very devious and with a straight face tell everyone you're going in early for observation and a possible induction due to your blood pressure being a concern

Why? This type of nonsense buys into the idea that we can’t just say no. Dear God no need to make up ridiculous lies.

Just say no.

[Dixiechickonhols]

Of course you can say no. Even the thought of it is causing you worry. You should be able to relax in your own home. If you aren’t up to seeing 30 people you can hardly relax or sleep with all the noise.

[20viona]

No fucking way just tell her

[Musti]

Wtf? Just say no! I love parties but no way would I have hosted a party at 9 months. She can arrange a meal out or hire somewhere.

[NextDayCurry]

It OK to say NO !

No this doesn't work for me at this time

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

Say no on the basis that you dont want to mess her around at the last minute if you go into labour

[BalmyBalmes]

"Sorry no that date obviously is not possible for me as I could easily be in labour or have a new born. Happy to do it 3 months earlier or 6 months later though"

[BrinaEds]

Thanks for all the advice! This was my first post so wasn't comfortable saying it was my in-laws at first but I really appreciate the comments. AINBU but DH has to be the one to advocate for me on this occasion as it's his family. I just don't understand why he doesn't see it as an issue. And yes it's our first child together.

[mam0918]

erm... I would look at them like they had 2 heads then burst out laughing at the obvious joke.

No one would seriously think this is an ok thing to ask someone to do.

[MsTSwift]

I never made it to 9 months with either pregnancy!

[MsTSwift]

You’re going to need to toughen up though as a mother you don’t have the luxury of always people pleasing you have to put your child / yourself first sometimes

[LookItsMeAgain]

@CaptainMum

Serve it back to them. "No, I'm so sorry that won't be possible. I could bake and freeze a few puddings in advance for you?"

Do this.

"They helped out with some cooking for my DH birthday recently. I was going to get a caterer but she insisted on cooking to save money. They live in a small flat and we have alot of space in our house"
Remember @BrinaEds - your inlaws chose to live in a small flat that is clearly no longer suitable for their entertaining requirements. That is why function rooms in hotels exist. Why not suggest that instead?

I would also throw into the mix that having to deal with a party at 8-9 months pregnant is likely to increase your blood pressure and this is not good for you or for the baby so you'll decline hosting their party for them.

I think CaptainMum has the best response though.

Best of luck with what is left of your pregnancy and the upcoming birth.

[cooolio]

justasking111
Be very devious and with a straight face tell everyone you're going in early for observation and a possible induction due to your blood pressure being a concern

Eh? Ridiculous suggestion.

[StaunchMomma]

I'd just say you weren't sure if it was a good idea with you being full term by that point, so you mentioned it to the midwife, and she said it was highly inadvisable.

Your 'friend' may not like it, but she'll be in a difficult position to argue against it, seeing as it was advice from a medical professional.

[BalmyBalmes]

If your husband doesn't have your back with this and is saying it'll be ok just tell him asked your midwife and she said no way!

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

@LimeTwists

“That doesn’t work for me. At nine months pregnant, I don’t want to take on the planning and hosting of your party.’

It needs to be this simple, OP. I’m a really anxious people-pleaser and even I would put my foot down at this ridiculous, thoughtless idea of theirs. Why isn’t your husband being more assertive as well? Doesn’t he think it’s ridiculous?!

This Absolutely.

Utter Madness. No one in their right mind would expect this of you. Your DH is barking to be accommodating it and should instead be telling them to back off.

And I say this as one who was once in a very similar position with everyone calling me up and complaining at me. They didn't give a damn about our health - they only cared about what they wanted.

Don't coat it, with CFerry on this level, baiting the path with pre planned "favours" you have to be FIRM.
Text so it's crystal clear in writing.

And get DH to say he's also banned it as he's worried about you.
This is just the thin end of the wedge in CFery .. so squash it out right now and then make preparations to squash the next episode too.

[Housenoob]

@BrinaEds

Thanks for all the advice! This was my first post so wasn't comfortable saying it was my in-laws at first but I really appreciate the comments. AINBU but DH has to be the one to advocate for me on this occasion as it's his family. I just don't understand why he doesn't see it as an issue. And yes it's our first child together.

Curious but are you/your in-laws Asian by any chance? As this sounds very typical (I'm Asian too and have had similar issues). Not that it matters- either way the answer is no!

[MrsOvertonsWindow]

No is a complete sentence. You say it to your DH and anyone else in the vicinity.

NO.

[Katyaadlerscoat]

@BrinaEds

Thanks for all the advice! This was my first post so wasn't comfortable saying it was my in-laws at first but I really appreciate the comments. AINBU but DH has to be the one to advocate for me on this occasion as it's his family. I just don't understand why he doesn't see it as an issue. And yes it's our first child together.

You can advocate for yourself you know. I don't get all this "the DH must sort it out" stuff. You have a relationship with these people too, sadly. You're allowed to get involved and stand up for yourself.