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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

593 replies

BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:20

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
SimonaRazowska · 04/10/2022 13:44

Ridiculous request, why are you even considering it?

cooolio · 04/10/2022 13:45

So it's the in-laws and their son is too pathetic to say no so he's trying to persuade you by promising to throw the hoover round?

Ugh. Tell him he's giving you the ick and to grow a backbone and put his wife and unborn child first.

AquaticSewingMachine · 04/10/2022 13:46

Stop being a fucking doormat and just say no.

Original poster
BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:46

Piffle11 · 04/10/2022 13:32

Do you think they helped you that time in order to land this on you? I really can't imagine asking a friend to host a party for me at all let alone when they will be nine months pregnant… What if you are in labour? Are they planning on having everybody in your home whilst you and your husband are at the hospital? This is an absolute no no… You shouldn't be feeling bad for saying no: they clearly don't feel bad for asking you in the first place! What an absolutely bizarre thing to expect someone in your position to agree to!

I do think it was a bit of a set up now

OP posts:
Imogensmumma · 04/10/2022 13:46

On my due date I had a very small needy 5 week old baby so no … you are a parent now and need to stand up and protect your baby even if that make you the “villain”

IsAinmDummm · 04/10/2022 13:46

I don't understand why you'd even consider doing this! You could very easily have a new born, be in labour..... it's mad. I don't know which is madder, the fact they asked or the fact you feel you can't say No.

35965a · 04/10/2022 13:46

Just say no. As it is your in laws get used to saying no now before the baby comes or you’ll be in for a miserable newborn period, trust me. It’s so easy - “no, I can’t” do not apologise or explain.

Noteverybodylives · 04/10/2022 13:47

Is this your first baby?

You do realise that you could literally go into labour any second now?

This has got to be a windup surely.

Original poster
BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:47

Iloveacurry · 04/10/2022 13:29

They must be incredibly stupid or CFs. What did they do for you anyway and why can’t they use their own house?

They helped out with some cooking for my DH birthday recently. I was going to get a caterer but she insisted on cooking to save money. They live in a small flat and we have alot of space in our house

OP posts:
IamSmarticus · 04/10/2022 13:47

I voted YABU because you should just say NO!!!

Giantemadoob · 04/10/2022 13:48

A definite no and how fucking dare they.

It isn't just the physical stuff that your Dh says he will manage it is the mental restraint of not massacring your in laws at Christmas.

cooolio · 04/10/2022 13:49

So she cooked a pan of chilli for her own Son and that means he thinks it's ok to let them use your home as a party venue? Pregnant or not that's just bizarre

Herja · 04/10/2022 13:49

I appreciate that you don't feel you can say no, but just grit your teeth and do it. You cannot host a party at home at 9 months pregnant, it's utterly absurd.

Won't they be upset if it has to be cancelled because your on bed rest/have a new born/become the bitch from hell that I do that far into pg...? It's a foolish choice on their part too. Or would you just be expected to carry on anyway?!

Tell them no. Not a chance. Then ignore any fall out.

SalviaOfficinalis · 04/10/2022 13:49

Just say no!

The sooner the better so they can make alternative arrangements. Get it over with and you’ll feel better. The longer you put it off the worse it will be!

TrashyPanda · 04/10/2022 13:49

They really are CF.

of course you can’t do this.

They are bonkers to even think of it, far less ask you

Moveoverdarlin · 04/10/2022 13:50

You have the perfect get out. Babies are very unpredictable and you could literally give birth any day. Can’t you just say you’ve had a routine midwife appointment and they’re worried about high blood pressure, so you may have to give the party a miss as they have insisted on rest.

123rd · 04/10/2022 13:50

Argh. This happened to me-not 9 months pregnant tho-MIL asked to hold a party at our house( hers is bigger though) said it would be for 10-12 people max. But kept invited more and more.
She didn't offer to pay for food or anything. DH paid for everything. At the end of the event she made some crack about how she would 'book' us again. I retorted 'not when you see the total of the invoice'
cheeky cow
Please say no OP, don't let her take the piss

cooolio · 04/10/2022 13:50

Why is everyone telling the OP to say no?

It's her husbands family. He needs to stop being such a fucking selfish wet wipe and tell them no himself.

3peassuit · 04/10/2022 13:50

It’s madness to even consider it. A big no.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 04/10/2022 13:51

If all they did was some cooking then offer to take a few dishes to the hired hall they will need to book. If you are too tired to make them get DH to help or just nip down to M & S.

Goldbar · 04/10/2022 13:51

Does your friend have even a single brain cell? Was her recent favour lending it to you?

Have you asked what the contingency plan is if your baby comes early or if you're in labour? Or if things don't go according to play and you or your baby have to spend some time in hospital?

IsAinmDummm · 04/10/2022 13:52

cooolio · 04/10/2022 13:50

Why is everyone telling the OP to say no?

It's her husbands family. He needs to stop being such a fucking selfish wet wipe and tell them no himself.

Because that was drip fed later, and for me wasn't there when I started my post.

IamEarthymama · 04/10/2022 13:53

Oh what a shame that when you mentioned to your midwife she said, please don't do that as you might be in Labour, in hospital or have a newborn child.

Say that you would hate to have to cancel at the last minute so far better if they organise at a restaurant or hall.

Honestly, some people!!

CaptainMum · 04/10/2022 13:53

Serve it back to them. "No, I'm so sorry that won't be possible. I could bake and freeze a few puddings in advance for you?"

Sova · 04/10/2022 13:54

It’s ok to say no