To think SOMEONE must be able to do something?

[PurpleLampShades]

I am at breaking point and don’t know what to do. NO ONE will help me.
DS is just turned 16 and is in what I would call an abusive relationship with a woman in her mid-late twenties (don’t know her exact age). This has been going on for about five months and I have done everything I can think of to stop it. I’ve grounded him, taken away games consoles, stopped pocket money, stopped giving him lifts, pleaded with him, begged him, shouted at him, tried to reason/explain my concerns to him etc. I even tried speaking to her nicely and then not so nicely. Nothing has worked. She has wormed her way into his head and he does everything she tells him. Last weekend he walked out of the house and has been staying at her house with her. I’ve called the police and social services who have both done nothing. I’ve been round there everyday but he won’t (or isn’t allowed to) come to the door and she has told me to leave him alone and that he wants nothing more to do with me. I don’t believe her. What can I do? I really need advice on what I can do to help him? AIBU to think the police or SS should be able to do something?

What do you think school can do?

The school can raise it with the authorities. If he’s going to college, they can speak with him. They can ask his teachers if they have noticed any concerning changes in his behaviour.

The safeguarding bar in educational settings is set really high, thankfully.

If this boy was in social care the police WOULD take him home .

Op - you have PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY until he is 18 .

Ignore the shit advice you are getting here and listen to me because I have 14 years in policing and with all the enquiries into child abuse in Rotherham etc etc this would NOT be ignored!

He is still a MINOR in the eyes of the law .

Press this if you get nowhere initially.

They literally don’t care my 16-year-old disappeared for 48 hours and they wouldn’t even class her as missing person. This is how these grooming gangs get away with it

You are between a rock and a hard place here.

On the one hand he is clearly lapping all this up - it is every 16 year old boy's dream/fantasy to be "initiated" with an older woman - she is satisfying his needs and he is not able to detach himself from the magnet of her attentions. He is living the dream and you are the wicked witch in his eyes because you are trying to destroy it.

But you, as a responsible adult, must have so many worries going round in your mind about what things she might get him into, having reeled him in with the "drug" of her attentions. You do not know this woman and whether she is straight up or is grooming him in some way.

Could I suggest that you ring NSPCC? - 0808 800 5000 - he is still a child until he is 18. I am very sure that they will have heard situations like this before? They will be able to give you chapter and verse on the legalities and will have advice as to how you should proceed. And they will be able to provide you with support, or find a source for you.

In the meantime, all you can do is keep a thread of contact - perhaps simply texts, not hassling him or telling him how worried you are or making demands, but just telling him you love him.

I feel for you. Stay strong.

OP the college have a duty to act in this situation. They are bound by Keeping Children Safe in Education(kCSIE) a key safeguarding document for all schools and colleges. Please ignore all the posters saying they had relationships like this, we know now this is grooming and not something that should be ignored or seen as a normal part of growing up. Please take the police officer on this threads advice, speak to college and look at the picture I have taken from KCSIE. You could take show it to college and police, but they should know about it!

Aunts all I they do care but 48 hours ? They will have been looking. They may think you don't care if you're leaving it solely to police to find your child .....

Op - this needs raising not as a misper because you know where he is - it's a child concern job .
It needs an incident creating and officers out to the address.
You have PR so remind them of that .

Op you don't have to ring nspcc- they will just refer it to police .

Go direct to police and tell them you have PR and he is 16 - gone to live with a 27 year old.

They WILL act - push it . Do t be fobbed off .

I can't believe the blase attitude of some here in long social workers!

You know nothing about this woman ! He could be being groomed , for county lines , for sex , it doesn't matter you have PR until 18 . If yku want him home - they can get him home . But then you have a battle on your hands to keep him there . Have a think how you want to play this . But do call police back - insist that it's a child concern. They won't risk NOT doing anything. Trust me .

I'm on the app so I can't pm you .

@stillvicarinatutu out of interest, what would the police do if a 16/17 old kept on leaving home, would they act every single time or would there come a point where its just not taken seriously? How would a parent be expected to keep them at home?

Your advice is good, I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious.

The police would be duty bound to act until he's 18 .

Call SS again and ask for a child in need/ protection plan meeting.

My friends DD walked out at 16 to stay with estranged relatives and she said she was concerned for her welfare.

They were involved for a few months but ultimately they won't make them come home. Just check they are safe and well.

That's why I'm saying to op think carefully how to play it .

Yes in theory they could drag him back kicking and screaming.

Op needs to address this now . Police can bring him home and should - they should also submit child concern forms . He is 16 and a minor - she is 27 and an adult . Why is he there . Is it just loves young dream or something more sinister. That's what needs exploring.

You can't just ask for a child in need or child protection meeting. They will assess whether it meets the threshold for assessment and presumably it hasn't otherwise they would be doing one.

Listen to @stillvicarinatutu

I can't get my head around a 20 something year old women moving a 16 year old boy into her home and having some sort of relationship with him which has apparantly been going on for well over 5 months! She's a NONCE. Maybe you could give the NSPCC a call like another poster suggested Op. They can at least give you advice on what to do next.

I suspect the social worker has experience of the police not being as cooperative and interested as you are @stillvicarinatutu

You sound great and let’s hope the OP lands up with someone like you.

The police can submit child concern forms to social services though .

Police can't stop the relationship if it is one - but he can't just decide to leave home at 16 without parental consent.

Police can bring him home . And can flag it to social services.

That's exactly what I'd be doing for a child concern job where the adult involved doesn't have PR .

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I’d expect you to be involved with a CHILD age 16 living away from home without parental consent. As a minimum start the assessment process for a child in need plan.

If op says this is a child concern she can push it if they appear disinterested. Do not be fobbed off .

I’m phoning 101 now. Thankyou.

And yes to reporting him missing. Every time.

Because a return home interview is needed and that’s with police and social worker.

Yes. It helps to know the right phrases to use, you’re right.

What ever you decide. Do not do this.

No - he isn't missing. They won't put him on as a misper- it's a CHILD CONCERN job and needs more than a return home interview. He's living with a 27 year old- he isn't missing.