To think SOMEONE must be able to do something?

[PurpleLampShades]

I am at breaking point and don’t know what to do. NO ONE will help me.
DS is just turned 16 and is in what I would call an abusive relationship with a woman in her mid-late twenties (don’t know her exact age). This has been going on for about five months and I have done everything I can think of to stop it. I’ve grounded him, taken away games consoles, stopped pocket money, stopped giving him lifts, pleaded with him, begged him, shouted at him, tried to reason/explain my concerns to him etc. I even tried speaking to her nicely and then not so nicely. Nothing has worked. She has wormed her way into his head and he does everything she tells him. Last weekend he walked out of the house and has been staying at her house with her. I’ve called the police and social services who have both done nothing. I’ve been round there everyday but he won’t (or isn’t allowed to) come to the door and she has told me to leave him alone and that he wants nothing more to do with me. I don’t believe her. What can I do? I really need advice on what I can do to help him? AIBU to think the police or SS should be able to do something?

A pp has posted a screenshot from the NSPCC, but this is the link. That might be a good place to start.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/moving-out/

I had a 16 year old staying at my house (dd's friend) no-one was coming round to drag her home. The only caveat was that if they had disabilities then there was more of a responsibility on children's services, but that still wouldn't involve dragging them home.

Can you imagine the uproar if this was a 16 year old girl living with a 27 year man and he answered her phone and refused to let her mother talk to her? The police would take that very seriously. I certainly would not do what others are suggesting and back off. I would do everything to get him home. I can’t believe OP doesn’t even know her surname. Within 24 hours of getting a whiff that my CHILD was in a relationship with an ADULT I would have stalked her on social media, covertly parked near her house and found out her comings and goings and done everything to stop this.

If OP did this she would be arrested.

So not the best suggestion is it?

No normal woman in her 20s would consider a relationship with a 16 year old. It won't last, OP.

I agree. Unless County lines are involved or the child is being beaten up, the police will not care.

The police would not take it more seriously if it was a girl.
Please do not spout your unfounded prejudices.

I’ve just listened to a podcast about Alex Skeel and what he went through. A late 20’s woman with a 16 year old boy and controlling him?? That is not OK!

7eleven

They can move with consent.

This child does not have his mothers consent. Rightly so .

I have 14 years in policing. This is a massive safeguarding issue - everyone is playing it down - but the police won't .

Mum needs to call back - the person she will speak with first is not a police officer and has no legal training- they are a call handler. Some are great and some aren't .

But if mum says I want to log a child concern issue they will crest an incident and psd it to despatch for an actual police officer to deal .

If then the police turn round and say nah nothing to be done mum needs to say no way - I have PR for this child and I want him home and safeguarding due diligence.

I can guarantee the police will not say no - it would be dereliction of duty .
The thing that matters is who has PR
This could be way more than initially thought- CSE ? County lines ? Drugs ? It needs more than a shrug of the shoulders.

Bloody hell OP, that's terrifying.

Any attempt to break them up will just make her into his "rescuer" so hard as it is, I'd persist with the Police/SS and just keep communicating with him.

The fact she's got his phone is extremely worrying.

I have a 16yo dd and would be really worried if she went to live with someone in mid20s and wasn't contacting me. 16yo is barely out of childhood, the year they first start exploring being an adult. No advice but I'd be worried too and want my child home and safe.

Then people experience is very poor !

Key phrases to use .
Child concern.
Parental responsibility
County lines
cSE

God forbid a mother tries to protect her son for fear of being arrested! At least the police would turn up to get the ball rolling on the statutory rape!!

And his ‘partner’ would have another argument as to how unreasonable the OP is.

as shit as it is she needs to be tread carefully not to make things worse

Actually, if the boy has registered on a FT college course, and becomes a resident in her home, she can claim child support for an under 20 year old in full time education.
Had exactly this situation whereby DGS moved in with girlfriend and her mother and this happened. Relationship started when he was only 15yrs 8 months and he relocated into their house aged 16yrs 1 day.
They claimed the child benefit.

God I can't bear this anymore .

She has his phone ?

This warrants a police response.
Do not take no for an answer.

I believe that if op follows my advice the police WILL act .

People are being well intentioned but not factually correct.

If this incident landed on me I would be doing background checks on the woman and the address.
Going round and telling the CHILD he has 10 mins to gather his stuff because he IS going home .
I'd be taking 27 year olds details and submitting intelligence

I would be looking at the house - is it a drug den ? Tidy ? Who else is there ? Get details .

Take boyo home

Submit child concern forms to pvp and social services.

This is what should happen here and if it doesn't op needs to kick up the biggest fuss until it damn well does !

Most cops have kids too . But regardless this is the minimum that needs doing .

They could just deny that they had sex until he was 16.

stillvicarinatutu · Today 19:41
7eleven

They can move with consent.

This child does not have his mothers consent. Rightly so .

I have 14 years in policing. This is a massive safeguarding issue - everyone is playing it down - but the police won't .

Mum needs to call back - the person she will speak with first is not a police officer and has no legal training- they are a call handler. Some are great and some aren't.

But if mum says I want to log a child concern issue they will crest an incident and psd it to despatch for an actual police officer to deal .

If then the police turn round and say nah nothing to be done mum needs to say no way - I have PR for this child and I want him home and safeguarding due diligence.

I can guarantee the police will not say no - it would be dereliction of duty .

The thing that matters is who has PR

This could be way more than initially thought- CSE ? County lines ? Drugs ? It needs more than a shrug of the shoulders.

I take back what I said before. I hadn’t realised the police can do something.
This seems very helpful advice from Stillvicar.

@Youdoyoutoday

God forbid a mother tries to protect her son for fear of being arrested! At least the police would turn up to get the ball rolling on the statutory rape!

Do you really think that his mum getting arrested and a criminal record is going to help her get her son away from this predator?

It will give this awful woman ammunition to say 'see they're against us' and 'this is why you're better living with me' and play the victim.

And it's not going to make it any easier for the police to help OP if she has a conviction for harassing the woman.

It really was a ridiculous suggestion.

Of course OP needs to fight for her son but she needs to play this smart and engage the authorities and pursue the police etc relentlessly using the right terminology as per stillvicarinatutus excellent and informed advice.

This is terrifying.
I am somewhat reassured my the senior safeguarding poster who has advised OP to keep trying via the police but all the shrugging by SW and police that has happened so far is really distressing.

he’s a child. She’s much older and the angle of speaking for him and refusing him the phone is really controlling and terrifying.

where is his Dad or male figure OP? Have they been round the house?

Me again !

DO NOT GO ROUND TO THE HOUSE.

Do not tip them off that police have been informed.

Let the police go round and bring him home . Do not tip him or her off that they are coming.

Haven’t the police already said they aren’t interested though?

I really hope the people suggesting vigilante action that could end up with OP getting arrested and push her son further into the arms of a predator are listening to your excellent advice on this thread.

Met Police information

www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/missing-person/missing-persons/advice-rights-if-you-want-to-leave-home/

OP as I previously advised ring the NSPCC, I'm not sure the conflicting advice on here is helping (or the frankly batshittery)

Take boyo home

How?

I'm in Scotland so different rules apply. But the NSPCC website says that whilst parents retain legal responsibility for their offspring until they reach 18, the young person (not child) can still choose to leave home at 16.

This young person appears to have exercised his right to leave home. How can the police or social services force him back?

Our local county council webpage says that, despite parental responsibility until your child is 18, a 16 or 17 year old will not be made to return home unless they are in danger.

Childline website says your parents can't make you go home age 16 or 17.

Keep him on side op. Some of the crazy suggestions on here will alienate him forever.