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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect this school mum to have paid by now?

272 replies

Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 07:55

I sold some of my ds toys to a fellow school mum I know quite well. Not an insignificant amount of money and it belongs to my ds.

she asked for my bank details which I sent, on the day she said she forgot her card reader, would cash be ok, said yes, then she said she’d transfer. All fine. took them to school for her and I haven’t received anything.

i messaged yesterday saying all ok - she replied yes excellent - child is already playing with them and loving them.
I replied great - do you need me to resend my bank details and no response! we agreed the price and confirmed how to pay so no misunderstanding. They are well to do / but little irrelevant since she agreed to pay for them.

im really irritated she could reply saying oh loving them - but not pay or even mention payment - such as oh sorry I forgot or I’ll get it to you now. Nothing - I won’t be able to look at her the same and obviously will chase again for the money but aibu to be so infuriated by this cf behaviour???

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 02/10/2022 12:38

I run a business. I often take BACS payments from clients. I’ve literally just taken one from a new one. My phone alerted me to its arrival almost before they’d lifted their finger from their phone.

To the poster who said as much, I’m not ‘talking out of my arse’ at all, just extensive experience of many payments, from many banks, on many days of the week.

bewarethetides · 02/10/2022 12:46

£70?!?! She has some nerve.

She needs to send the money immediately. Tell her your son NEEDS it as it's his money and he has plans for it.

WitTanks · 02/10/2022 12:51

I'm sorry to say this OP but I don't think you will get the money. If she was going to pay she'd have had the money on her when she got the toys.

Readaboutyourself · 02/10/2022 12:52

Candycanesandpopcorn · 02/10/2022 07:59

Just resend your bank details and say ‘please transfer x amount’ and put ‘thanks !!’ To lighten it if you feel anxious to be direct

100%. She is being rude.

bewarethetides · 02/10/2022 12:52

I'd ask for the toys back if the money isn't forthcoming. Tell her to pack them up and you'll be round to collect them as it's your son's sale, not yours, and he needs the money.

TimeforZeroes · 02/10/2022 12:56

I sell stuff to school mums a lot. My tact is to leave it a week or two before I say I’m doing a lump transfer out of my PayPal so is it possible to pay? (I do actually do this for tax purposes.)

CulturePigeon · 02/10/2022 13:10

So cheeky to make you keep asking!

Say 'Actually, I'd promised the money to my son and he's asking about it because he's been looking forward to spending it this weekend. Please could you let me have it asap?'

treadcarefully · 02/10/2022 13:15

I'd have brought the cash with me to do the exchange of toys. I thought everyone did that?

Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 13:17

Nope they were hidden in a sealed bag - worth about £200-£250. She asked for me to bring them. She also asked if I had anymore.

she messaged saying she was going to save for Christmas but gave in! Then radio silence to the payment reminders.
odd.

I don’t get why it’s not ok to be put out though when she said she would pay Friday - she has been reminded - seen the messages and ignoring me.

to those saying I should feel bad chasing - why?
I sold them to her - not gave. She isn’t a close friend so isn’t doing me a favour - the items have a value so isn’t just passing in old crap.

she said she’d transfer, then cash and then transfer. It is based on trust and no doubt will be fine but why anyone thinks it’s ok to not pay for a week is beyond me.
as a pp said - it just sits on my top do list until it is resolved.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lewiscapaldiscat · 02/10/2022 13:18

Apologies for typos!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/10/2022 13:21

Tell her to pay by the end of Monday or bring the toys back.
Don't be passive. Don't use the word sorry and don't be apologetic.
And next time, money at the time you hand anything over.

sponsabillaries · 02/10/2022 13:26

I believe there are still one or two banks that aren't part of 'faster payments'. I agree the most likely explanation is that she is being a CF but there is a small chance that she made the transfer on Friday night and banks with some Victorian outfit who don't have any electronic payments over the weekend. I'd chase at lunchtime tomorrow.

WhoWhatWhenWhereWhyHow · 02/10/2022 13:36

I share your feelings of irritation over this, OP. This happens to me every single time. It’s usually something like I’m the one to order flowers for a group to send... Everyone signs the card, flowers sent, then can’t get payment from two of the four who agreed to share the cost. Or I’m the one to pick up a shared baby gift then can’t collect. I hate being put in the position of having to pester others for payment. How convenient it is for them to forget. 🙄

billy1966 · 02/10/2022 13:45

WhoWhatWhenWhereWhyHow · 02/10/2022 13:36

I share your feelings of irritation over this, OP. This happens to me every single time. It’s usually something like I’m the one to order flowers for a group to send... Everyone signs the card, flowers sent, then can’t get payment from two of the four who agreed to share the cost. Or I’m the one to pick up a shared baby gift then can’t collect. I hate being put in the position of having to pester others for payment. How convenient it is for them to forget. 🙄

Genuine question, why keep doing it?

Whenever I have been involved with something like this, the person will say those who give me X by Y date, will be on the card. On Y date they buy the flowers or gift. Simple.

Up to the people to make it their business to give the money before Y.

ultraviolet4753 · 02/10/2022 13:53

"Here is my PayPal address is that is easier than bank transfer...."

Use as another nudge.

Threeboysandadog · 02/10/2022 13:54

Am I the only one who wonders if she’s sitting Mumsnetting and reading this? Whilst she should really have transferred the money on Friday evening, I think it’s far too soon for all this angst.

MRex · 02/10/2022 13:57

Money often transfers within 2 hours. Sometimes a specific bank is doing maintenance work, or there is some other issue, and you need to wait a working day. You haven't even given her one working day. So sorry, but YABU. If you weren't going to trust her to pay then you should have only taken the money up-front. It's really no good saying that "later" is fine and then moaning that you meant within a few hours; either it was fine to wait a few days or it wasn't. Your message was very passive aggressive and if I were her then I'd find it offensive. "Please let me know when you transfer the £x please so I can confirm receipt." or even "Please transfer the £x by Tuesday." would have been much more polite while still prompting payment.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 02/10/2022 13:59

she has been reminded - seen the messages and ignoring me.

This is the issue. For those making the excuse her bank may be slow, she would have said "I sent the money yesterday" if she'd done it.

OP, chase again tomorrow and be firm. And make it cash on delivery if you sell anything else, whether it's to her or not.

Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:18

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Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:22

i messaged yesterday saying all ok -

What does that waffley shit even mean? All ok?

"do you need me to resend my bank details"

Is still not a direct question.

Do yourself a favour and ask. Directly.

"I still haven't received payment. please do it today"

Simples

Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:24

Then give it a day. And if she still hasn't done it.

"I am puzzled as to why you haven't sent payment. If you are not prepared to, I will collect the toys this afternoon".

girlfriend44 · 02/10/2022 14:27

ultraviolet4753 · 02/10/2022 13:53

"Here is my PayPal address is that is easier than bank transfer...."

Use as another nudge.

Just go round to her house, face to face, and sort it op.

Messages can be ignored. Nobody here can sort it only guess.
Go round.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 02/10/2022 14:36

MRex · 02/10/2022 13:57

Money often transfers within 2 hours. Sometimes a specific bank is doing maintenance work, or there is some other issue, and you need to wait a working day. You haven't even given her one working day. So sorry, but YABU. If you weren't going to trust her to pay then you should have only taken the money up-front. It's really no good saying that "later" is fine and then moaning that you meant within a few hours; either it was fine to wait a few days or it wasn't. Your message was very passive aggressive and if I were her then I'd find it offensive. "Please let me know when you transfer the £x please so I can confirm receipt." or even "Please transfer the £x by Tuesday." would have been much more polite while still prompting payment.

Why should the OP wait a few days? She’s not offering easy credit terms.

There’s nothing remotely offensive about asking for an overdue payment.

However, not paying for goods immediately is the mark of a serial cheeky fucker.

I’d remind her every 24 hours that she still owes me money.

In fact, last time someone owed me money and fudged paying, I reminded her in front of other friends when we were having a group coffee morning. She paid up immediately and hasn’t tried anything on since.

Herejustforthisone · 02/10/2022 14:39

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You’re being a real arse to OPs on multiple threads. What’s wrong with you?

billy1966 · 02/10/2022 18:12

OP, you are not wrong here.

She received the
She has been reminded and still hasn't done it.
She is simply rude.
It is that simple.

This rudeness would change my view of her.