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AIBU?

To feel mortified ...

161 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 01/10/2022 23:45

... that my new next door neighbour came round at 11.15 in her pyjamas to tell me that my TV was so loud it kept her awake? I genuinely had no idea.

I had the radio on through the TV, which is downstairs, whilst I was working upstairs, and I turned it up so I could hear it. I've done this before but the previous neighbour never said anything so I was not aware it was a problem. I live in a mid terrace and the TV is on the wall that joins to her house. She also told me it was loud last week (this I'm not sure about, as I only watched it one evening and I was sitting in front of it).

She only moved in on Wednesday! I feel a total fool. It really wasn't THAT loud but obviously too loud for her.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

802 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
93%
You are NOT being unreasonable
7%
CrocodilesCry · 01/10/2022 23:48

You were playing the radio through your TV downstairs loud enough to hear it upstairs? Of course it was too loud if you live in a mid-terrace. Be more considerate, good for her for saying something.

GroggyLegs · 01/10/2022 23:49

You don't need to be mortified, but now you're aware just be conscious of your neighbour.

Playing the radio loud enough to hear it upstairs next to a shared wall at 11pm does sound a bit extreme - can you play it through your phone instead?

Pipersouth · 01/10/2022 23:49

If you could hear it upstairs from playing downstairs clearly then of course they are going to hear it as well as you can. Maybe previous neighbours were hard of hearing. My mother has a semi with a family that plays the piano next door but she likes hearing it - your neighbour does not want to hear your radio.

Underanothersky · 01/10/2022 23:50

That must have been ridiculously loud.

onepieceoflollipop · 01/10/2022 23:51

I’ve lived in many homes with adjoining walls, and without exception a certain amount of noise carries. I’m surprised you didn’t realise that a tv loud enough to be heard on another floor in your home, could easily be heard through an adjoining wall! Have you lived in detached accommodation previously ?
anyway, at least the neighbour told you, and hopefully there won’t be any neighbourly tensions Smile

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2022 23:51

Get a hearing test.

Potato28 · 01/10/2022 23:51

You had it on downstairs, loud enough that you could hear it upstairs? At 11pm?
Thats not good!

AffIt · 01/10/2022 23:54

If you are playing through a device loud enough to be heard not only rooms but FLOORS away then of course YABU.

Get headphones and apologise to your neighbour.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 01/10/2022 23:56

AffIt · 01/10/2022 23:54

If you are playing through a device loud enough to be heard not only rooms but FLOORS away then of course YABU.

Get headphones and apologise to your neighbour.

I have apologised.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 01/10/2022 23:57

Your last neighbour was either hard of hearing, or 'didn't like confrontation' so probably a Mumsnetter

Buy yourself a radio for upstairs.

ErrolTheDragon · 01/10/2022 23:57

Just don't do it again. Mute or turn off whichever of the TV or radio you're not actually listening to and have the other at a moderate volume. Ideally late at night use headphones upstairs.

MarshaMelrose · 01/10/2022 23:59

You're turned the tv up downstairs loud enough to hear it upstairs at 11.15 at night and you think that's reasonable on your neighbours?! Now you know why your previous neighbour moved!
Is this real? I struggle to believe anyone could be so unknowingly rude to their neighbours.

melj1213 · 01/10/2022 23:59

Who is so oblivious as to think that having a TV loud enough to be heard upstairs in your own property won't be heard in adjoining properties when you're a mid terrace? Especially late at night?

YABVU

Thatboymum · 02/10/2022 00:00

It’s making me wonder if you genuinely need your hearing tested if you truly were oblivious to this being too loud.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/10/2022 00:01

MarshaMelrose · 01/10/2022 23:59

You're turned the tv up downstairs loud enough to hear it upstairs at 11.15 at night and you think that's reasonable on your neighbours?! Now you know why your previous neighbour moved!
Is this real? I struggle to believe anyone could be so unknowingly rude to their neighbours.

Oh don't be so silly. She moved because she got an inheritance, the house was too small, she was renting it and wanted a bigger house nearer to work and her son's school.

And I didn't ask if having the radio on loud was reasonable. I asked AIBU to feel mortified, because I do. I just hadn't realised.

And is this real? Do you think I have the time and am bored enough to write rubbish at this time of night?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/10/2022 00:02

YANBU to feel mortified, no.

LimpBiskit · 02/10/2022 00:06

Yes you should feel mortified for being so unreasonable. How did you think this would be ok??

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/10/2022 00:09

LimpBiskit · 02/10/2022 00:06

Yes you should feel mortified for being so unreasonable. How did you think this would be ok??

I just didn't think.

As I said I have done this before but nobody said anything. Perhaps I didn't realise how loud it was. I certainly didn't realise how late it was. I watched Strictly which I'd recorded, and then went upstairs to start getting on with stuff. I've been out all day, got in late, and I think my brain was tricked by Strictly finishing, and I had the thought it was much earlier than it really was.

I feel terrible as the woman has only been in the house a matter of days, and said she lived in a flat complex with noisy neighbours. (I think they were antisocial in several ways).

OP posts:
k1233 · 02/10/2022 00:12

It really wasn't THAT loud but obviously too loud for her.

I'm not sure why you think it wasn't loud. IMO tv, radio etc should be audible in the room where you are but not able to be heard multiple rooms away, particularly not upstairs. Loud TV etc make me super cranky. You're extremely inconsiderate to have the volume cranked up late at night.

AffIt · 02/10/2022 00:12

Well, you clearly lived with people who were either hard of hearing, extremely tolerant or weapons-grade wet blankets in the past.

In the here and now, you have a new neighbour who isn't prepared to tolerate your behaviour, so get over it and do something about it.

surreygirl1987 · 02/10/2022 00:13

Of course you are not being unreasonable to feel mortified. You must be an absolute nightmare neighbour. How can it not have crossed your mind that this might disturb people? I had to read your post 3x to make sure I was reading it right - that you were actually playing the radio on your TV downstairs to be heard upstairs. Unbelievable. And it wouldn't matter if it was 5pm - that level of noise is still not acceptable.

Lalliella · 02/10/2022 00:22

It really wasn't THAT loud but obviously too loud for her.

It WAS that loud OP. That’s completely out of order of you to have it on really loud downstairs just so you can hear it upstairs. Too right you should be mortified. You’re a nightmare neighbour. That poor woman.

LoveMyPiano · 02/10/2022 00:23

All houses are different. Another MN pile-on....
You were not to know, and maybe she has exceptional or sensitive hearing (I do).

I have my radio on (small stereo system on opposite wall to neighbours), and can hear it upstairs - my house is small but open plan, with the stairs on the adjoining wall.

But I also have a treadmill, which has no place to go other than against the adjoining wall. A digital piano as well, although I tend to plug in headphones - i do not want anyone hearing me blundering through my new pieces.

No-one has ever said anything and I don't hear them either unless really really loud (it HAS happened, with previous people next door - they even got an amplifier!); there ARE however plenty of other issues that are un-neighbourly. I do feel though that it is better to say something, or write a note, and not let things fester and then it all blow up seemingly out of the blue.

I don't think you should feel mortified, and nor should you let the nastiness on here bother you 💕

LoveMyPiano · 02/10/2022 00:25

Lalliella · 02/10/2022 00:22

It really wasn't THAT loud but obviously too loud for her.

It WAS that loud OP. That’s completely out of order of you to have it on really loud downstairs just so you can hear it upstairs. Too right you should be mortified. You’re a nightmare neighbour. That poor woman.

Bloody hell. So nasty, and unnecessary. I don't think you can know what a true nightmare neighbour is.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/10/2022 00:26

LoveMyPiano · 02/10/2022 00:23

All houses are different. Another MN pile-on....
You were not to know, and maybe she has exceptional or sensitive hearing (I do).

I have my radio on (small stereo system on opposite wall to neighbours), and can hear it upstairs - my house is small but open plan, with the stairs on the adjoining wall.

But I also have a treadmill, which has no place to go other than against the adjoining wall. A digital piano as well, although I tend to plug in headphones - i do not want anyone hearing me blundering through my new pieces.

No-one has ever said anything and I don't hear them either unless really really loud (it HAS happened, with previous people next door - they even got an amplifier!); there ARE however plenty of other issues that are un-neighbourly. I do feel though that it is better to say something, or write a note, and not let things fester and then it all blow up seemingly out of the blue.

I don't think you should feel mortified, and nor should you let the nastiness on here bother you 💕

Yes, one mistake and I am a neighbour from hell/nightmare neighbour/last person moved because of me - absolutely bloody ridiculous.

At least she's actually said something and not been passive-aggressive.

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