To feel mortified ...

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

... that my new next door neighbour came round at 11.15 in her pyjamas to tell me that my TV was so loud it kept her awake? I genuinely had no idea.

I had the radio on through the TV, which is downstairs, whilst I was working upstairs, and I turned it up so I could hear it. I've done this before but the previous neighbour never said anything so I was not aware it was a problem. I live in a mid terrace and the TV is on the wall that joins to her house. She also told me it was loud last week (this I'm not sure about, as I only watched it one evening and I was sitting in front of it).

She only moved in on Wednesday! I feel a total fool. It really wasn't THAT loud but obviously too loud for her.

Confused. Was it strictly or the radio?? Doesn’t sound real

It is real. I don't troll or lie. You think I'd make something up like this for a giggle> Now THAT doesn't sound real.

To clarify for you:

I watched Strictly which I had recorded earlier. I got home at 8.30 and put it on. I watched it until about 10.40 as I zipped through all the VTs and the fluff, otherwise it would have finished about 11.15. I then put the radio on, which by then was Fearne Cotton Sounds of the 90s. That clear enough?

Yanbu to be mortified, but it also doesn't mean you've necessarily been playing it too loudly or doing anything silly.

Our (terrace) neighbors put their radio next to a shared wall and it was so loud that I could hear every word in my kitchen - but somehow not speech and when I've been at their house I know the radio isn't that loud, sometimes walls really conduct or at least don't muffle sound. Hopefully a volume drop or different location can fix it.

I'm in the tiny minority that voted YANBU, not because I think it's ok to have music or the TV on really loud but because you made a mistake and apologised to your neighbour.

Yes, it must have been irritating for your neighbour but there are many worse examples of antisocial behaviour reported here. I don't think you deserve quite such negative comments as you've received.

Not at all. To clarify, in the situation you describe, I almost definitely wouldn't think that your TV was loud to piss me off, but I'd think you didn't give a shit about pissing me off, and that lack of consideration and selfishness would annoy me.

I wouldn't have imagined that you simply didn't think having your TV on so loud would annoy me.

The thing with neighbouring houses is you don't always appreciate how/which sounds carry, if you don't hear your neighbours. Some terraces are actually quite well soundproofed. I would imagine OP didn't hear her previous neighbour, so it would be easy to not give a second thought to the TV positioning/volume.

OP is getting quite flamed here and I don't think it's fair. Neighbour did the right thing and made her aware of the issue, OP apologied, dealt with it and is now aware so probably won't do it again. This is exactly how good neighbours should be.

I would also be mortified OP, but I think you handled it well and I hope you have a good relationship with you new neighbour.

Nothing to feel mortified about.

You haven't beaten up an old person or done anything terrible.

I'm sure my neighbours don't realise how loud they can be.

It's not a big deal, and it wasn't done on purpose.

This is what I would think too. It’s quite obvious (to me) that TV that’s loud enough to hear upstairs will also be heard next door, so I would assume that my neighbour knew it was disturbing me but was too selfish to care.

That said, what’s done is done so take it as a lesson learned and move on.

My neighbour never even occurred to me.

Consideration of others isn't something that is common these days. Too many people think only of themselves and not how their actions impact others. It's a reflection of how "me" centred our society has become.

It sounds like you were just living your life and it didn't even occur to you. You and your neighbour may well be having a laugh about this sometime. It was easily sorted.

My previous neighbours were so loud! Small 2 bed terraced house shouting 'Alexa play Whitney' all the time.

you didn’t realise the radio could be heard and you are not sure if you should be mortified?

Reading comprehension on here is famously bad, I wouldn’t worry about it OP, you’ll know for next time.

are you always so obtuse op?

I had the radio on through the TV, which is downstairs, whilst I was working upstairs, and I turned it up so I could hear it.

It really never occurred to you that your neighbour could hear your TV through the wall, if you turned it up so loud that you could hear it UPSTAIRS from downstairs? Jesus christ.

Regardless of the time of day it was going to be loud and annoying in your neighbour’s house. Sounds like you realise you were in the wrong. The poor woman must be so disheartened to have moved away from noisy neighbours then hear your blaring tv in her new home.

Maybe you could buy her a bunch of flowers and new home card. Apologise and say you were distracted and didn’t realise your tv was on so loud. Then buy yourself a radio or Google speaker to use upstairs or in the kitchen.

I don't think you need to feel mortified. Take her bunch of flowers, apologise again and let her know you aren't an antisocial neighbour you just had lost track of time and thought it was still early. No major harm done.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron hey, we all make mistakes. As some others have said, you've apologised and I am sure it won't happen again.

If you do feel bad, maybe consider making a little welcome gift or something for your neighbour as a further apology gesture?

I certainly would ignore all the people who feel you were "blatantly out of order" and "how could you not know?"

I like to hope if they ever make a mistake, they aren't hounded but instead met with empathy.

Wishing you all the best and enjoy your Sunday, quietly 🙈🤣 (too soon?)

I grew up in a mid terrace and would be willing to bet good money that your Neighbours on the other side could hear it too.
Unreasonable at any time but at getting on for midnight? 😯

The fact that you feel mortified proves you’re not a neighbour from hell. Yes, you didn’t think and we’re inconsiderate and it’s affected your neighbour. It’s okay to feel bad about that, but it was a careless mistake and you know now. I imagine there is some cringing going on, worrying that maybe this is something your old neighbour dealt with but didn’t say anything - try not to dwell. You have no way of knowing so try and have the attitude that if it was, she would have told you, and out that “what if” to bed”.

As for last night, this is a new neighbour, and she’s already told you this was an issue, so going forwards you can just be more mindful of time and noise levels. If it were me I’d probably try and grab a little plant or flowers and knock on and apologise again, and have a friendly chat, but something like that is not necessary, just be friendly and nice when you see her, and I’m sure all will be well.

you’ve posted in AIBU so of course there will be many posters berating you for being a nightmare scumbag neighbour from hell. Apparently empathy is lacking amongst the perfect. Your human, you did something silly and thoughtless, you know now and won’t do it again. Forgive yourself and try and put it out of your mind ❤️

Is this for real?

Do you really need to ask on here should you feel mortified after having your neighbour complain about a TV, which is on the party wall, turned up so loud that you could hear it upstairs at 11pm?

You shouldn't feel bad.
It's not like you were deliberately setting out to cause a disturbance.
It's so easy when we're safe in our confined spaces (home) to just lose ourselves in our own little worlds. We just mentally switch off and don't really think that there is a wider world beyond the four walls.

I did it myself with the television when my children were little.
I had no idea how loud Cbeebies was coming through my elderly neighbour's wall until she came round to tell me.
Obviously I felt really awful just like you did, and was immediately more conscious of the volume.
I apologised to her for my lack of awareness and she was lovely about it.
It never happened again and we moved on from it.

If you didn't care you wouldn't have felt the way you do.

it is not normal to play music downstairs loud enough to be able to hear upstairs. and at night as well!

Yanbu. I don't know why you are getting such a hard time. Do you have her number or could you pop round to say you are sorry again. If you don't know what level you can keep the volume at say that and ask her to do a test with you at a quiet time so you know what level she can hear. My parents have an EOT and in the daytime when it's quiet at ours we can hear the neighbour doing stuff about the house, watching tv, laughing with friends. I don't think she is being noisy or being too loud and it's just the way it is in these houses.

When I lived in an EOT I was worried about the neighbour hearing the kids. I spoke to her and she said she was old and deaf and couldn't hear anything from us. I don't know if she was just being nice or if it was true. I sometimes felt the kids were so loud while trying to get them to go to sleep someone would be calling social services.

I moved and have a very nice family next door. When it's quiet here I can hear stuff next door. I now know which football team he supports from his cheers when they score. I've heard kids crying and being told off but it's not everyday I think that it's all at a normal level.