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Original poster

DD's friends "fancy" DH

243 replies

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 20:53

DD is in year 8, it's her birthday next month and she's having a sleepover with 5 of her mates from school.
The issue is, according to DD then DH has apparently developed a little fan club consisting of a few school friends who apparently think he's "fit" one of her friends who's slept over in the past found his Facebook and a few of his profile pics have been passed around the classroom so the others can decide if he's "fit" or not.
DH was mortified when she was telling us in the car earlier and has said he's staying at a friends house the night of the sleepover as he wouldn't feel comfortable being around them.

Am I wrong in thinking he's being stupid and overthinking it far too much? They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?

OP posts:
Dannexe · 02/10/2022 07:18

Ds1 (18) has parties which attract a disproportionate number of girls. Apparently partly influenced by the fact that they all think dh is fit. He’s 53! He is very good looking. I stick firmly by his side when the house is full of drunk 18 year olds..

Lampzade · 02/10/2022 07:22

I think that it is a good idea that he stays away for the night tbh.

Lampzade · 02/10/2022 07:26

FWIW my dh never stayed at home when my dd had sleepovers..

Hillrunning · 02/10/2022 07:27

Wise idea for him to leave and take DS. However this doesn't mean that all prep beforehand and clean up after also falls to you. If you are supervisor during, he needs to help either end.

notanothertakeaway · 02/10/2022 07:39

I think he's wise to stay out of the way, to avoid girls' attention / risk of false allegations

EntertainingandFactual · 02/10/2022 07:46

Lampzade · 02/10/2022 07:26

FWIW my dh never stayed at home when my dd had sleepovers..

This! My DH always stayed well away. Either out or invisible (completely in the background).

Doingmybest12 · 02/10/2022 07:53

I guess it is good to know what the views are of the teens re your husband but I would shut down the conversation about it. I feel it is disrespectful and why should he feel awkward in his home while everyone else finds this hilarious. On the other hand it seems extreme to leave the house for the night with your teen son, they aren't old enough to be drinking so i am not sure how out of control it'll get. I can see why husband and son might disappear to get away from noise and a full house but I am not sure about the reason being about risk of rumours etc.

WonderingWanda · 02/10/2022 07:54

I'm with your dh, he should avoid this situation to protect himself. Only takes one girl to make something silly up, that starts a rumour that gets twisted and eventually someone reports it at school, it gets safeguarded and it all snowballs.

By the way, 6 teenage girls, you are not going to get any sleep. We did similar recently and I felt wrecked the next day. Make a plan for their parents collecting them fairly early and for you spending the day snoozing on the sofa the following day!

Doingmybest12 · 02/10/2022 07:54

Yes to keeping a low profile but I am sure most parents do during sleep overs

Herejustforthisone · 02/10/2022 08:01

ElectedOnThursday · 02/10/2022 05:09

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

Show quote history

You are also ridiculous.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 02/10/2022 08:06

Would be interesting to see how many pull out if your dd tells her friends he won't be there 🤔

DooLallyy · 02/10/2022 08:21

ElectedOnThursday · 02/10/2022 05:09

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

Show quote history

Really??? At 13 I was definitely having sexual/romantic thoughts about crushes, I was convinced I'd marry Robbie Williams, my imagination was scarily creative 😂

Some girls in my year were sexually active at 13, one girl was pregnant at 14, a boy in my year got an older girl pregnant when he was 13-14.
Children/teens are not as innocent as you are making them out to be. You're either stupid, deluded or just being argumentative.

Pava22 · 02/10/2022 08:24

I agree with your DH. In this day and age some sort of 'trouble' will come out of it via teenage rumours. And you don't know the girls well and might make something up.
He shouldn't have to leave the house and you would hope the girls to be sensible but in the days of social media and things they see in the news. And their teenage brains I wouldn't risk it. I would either let him go abd take DS too or I would cancel and actually explain to her friends myself why and that it was inappropriate to be sharing her dad's profile and photos around her class.

DH thinks the same and said he would either leave or cancel

Darbs76 · 02/10/2022 08:29

I think it’s best he stays out of the way to be honest

Darbs76 · 02/10/2022 08:33

At 13 we fancied my friends much older brother and some friends parents. So of course it’s perfectly normal for kids to find adults ‘fit’

ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 02/10/2022 08:37

Yes I wouldn't force him into being in uncomfortable situation if he wants to stay away that night I would let him. If was my DH I would do the same.

bellabasset · 02/10/2022 08:40

30 years ago my dh had a phone call from a friend whose wife was in hospital after giving birth to a 'late baby' and his teenage daughters had friends over who kept going into his study and sitting on the arm of his chair so could he pop over. He said that they were dangerous. A school friend of mine fancied another school friend's father. Her own father was widowed and ended up marrying one of her younger work colleagues. So yes I.undersrand your dh's wish to remove himself as young teenagers can be more upfront these days.

KimberleyClark · 02/10/2022 08:51

Snugglemonkey · 01/10/2022 22:14

When we were 13 there was a German teacher at school pretty much everyone fancied who must easily have been 40.

Show quote history

When I was 13 I thought my class teacher was middle aged. He was about 30 if that.

CyberSecurityRoundabout · 02/10/2022 09:03

I don't blame your DH

When we were teens, our friend had a fit Dad and he was accused of eyeing up teens during a sleepover.

It was brutal. He didn't do anything wrong (I was there!)

But the rumours were cruel and some parents heard about it and banned the teens from ever staying at hers again.

Photos were stolen from the home (pre camera phones!) And passed around the classroom to eye him up!

Twas awful...

Pashazade · 02/10/2022 09:03

Even 20 years ago my then boyfriend asked me to stay and chaperone his younger sisters sleepover. His parents were away and he was in his twenties, he just felt "safer" with me there as well with a pack of teenage girls in the house. Leaving for the night is just sensible.

Wayoff · 02/10/2022 09:03

This thread has reminded me that as a young teen I had a crush on a dad I babysat for. I told my friend he took me out for rides on his motorbike and kissed me.

He did no such thing. Imagine she told an adult or something, that poor man's life would have been ruined.
How could I have been so stupid 😱

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 02/10/2022 09:31

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 20:53

DD is in year 8, it's her birthday next month and she's having a sleepover with 5 of her mates from school.
The issue is, according to DD then DH has apparently developed a little fan club consisting of a few school friends who apparently think he's "fit" one of her friends who's slept over in the past found his Facebook and a few of his profile pics have been passed around the classroom so the others can decide if he's "fit" or not.
DH was mortified when she was telling us in the car earlier and has said he's staying at a friends house the night of the sleepover as he wouldn't feel comfortable being around them.

Am I wrong in thinking he's being stupid and overthinking it far too much? They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Why can't you manage by yourself? It's not like they're 6 toddlers ..... teenage girls pretty much look after themselves. I think you're being a bit ridiculous TBH, and I think your DH is very sensible to remove himself from the situation.

Also agree with other posters, it's not up to you to 'let' your DH do anything, he's a grown man that can make his own decisions and you're a grown woman that should be able to handle a teenage sleepover.

Smellywellyhoo · 02/10/2022 09:32

I'd be nipping this in the bud very quickly. It puts your DH at risk of very damaging rumours/accusations. I wouldn't have them to stay and I'd be contacting the school about the Facebook issue. This isn't fair to your DH.

wellhelloitsme · 02/10/2022 09:34

@ElectedOnThursday

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

So everyone on this thread is lying when they said they did fancy people outside of their age group at 13/14? Ok then...

You say they might have crushes on adults. A crush is fancying someone. So you agree with everyone in reality.

What is a crush on an adult in a boy band if it's not fancying them?

Oh and don't call me 'sick'. I haven't sexualised children by saying teenage girls fancy members of boy bands or someone in Twilight 😂

MrsHaggis · 02/10/2022 09:39

Your DH is being eminently sensible!