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Original poster

DD's friends "fancy" DH

243 replies

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 20:53

DD is in year 8, it's her birthday next month and she's having a sleepover with 5 of her mates from school.
The issue is, according to DD then DH has apparently developed a little fan club consisting of a few school friends who apparently think he's "fit" one of her friends who's slept over in the past found his Facebook and a few of his profile pics have been passed around the classroom so the others can decide if he's "fit" or not.
DH was mortified when she was telling us in the car earlier and has said he's staying at a friends house the night of the sleepover as he wouldn't feel comfortable being around them.

Am I wrong in thinking he's being stupid and overthinking it far too much? They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?

OP posts:
Thegroaninggurner · 02/10/2022 00:27

To be honest I don't blame him especially if they have been taking his profile pics and sharing them, it would only take one of the kids to take something he says the wrong way to turn it into something it isn't then before you know it there could be all sorts of allegations.

Frazzledmummy123 · 02/10/2022 00:31

AnotherForumUser · 01/10/2022 23:35

I'm fine. But then my partner isn't a control freak who seems to think that they have the right to 'tell me' what to do or 'let me' do something. Your partner has the right to decide what he is or isn't comfortable with. Not you.

Show quote history

Who pissed on your cornflakes?! Nobody is controlling anybody. It was a simple question, no need for the overanalysis of every single word.

Rachie1973 · 02/10/2022 00:44

God, I came on to a friends dad when I was 14 or so. I cringe now, but we had a bit of a snog and I chickened out when he starting feeling me up.

Clearly young girls do stupid things (not all obviously, but I did).

And yes, I know he was absolutely in the wrong and he did get caught out the next year.

friedbrainrightnow · 02/10/2022 00:47

@Rachie1973 the Dad was 10000% in the wrong there!!!

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 02/10/2022 01:06

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 22:17

He's 32.
Although I thought the same, I remember having crushes on a few of my friends older brothers but not their dads.

Show quote history

How old is "year 8"?

Lunabun · 02/10/2022 01:08

I'm amused by the people who can't imagine 13 year olds having odd crushes. Crikey, the sorts I "fancied" when I was that age... very embarrassing!

For one thing anyway, a crush at that age is very different to the crushes you have as an adult. And secondly, this sounds very much like a mob mentality situation. One of them would have commented that OP's DH is decent looking, then they all join in and before long you have a frenzy on your hands. It's obviously very unlikely that any of them have any genuine feelings for him - they just see it as a 'safe' way for them to explore and express these types of issues and feelings. I say safe because he's an older, married man - none of them for a second think anything would happen. They're just having fun (though sadly at the expense of OP's daughter!).

I don't blame your DH to want to steer clear, though.

elm26 · 02/10/2022 01:13

@TheLassWiADelicateAir 12/13 x

CustardySergeant · 02/10/2022 01:14

Grandeur "He's not her biological dad? This could be the reason.."

What do you mean by this? I'm so puzzled.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 02/10/2022 01:23

elm26 · 02/10/2022 01:13

@TheLassWiADelicateAir 12/13 x

Thanks. (I do wish posters would just say the age "year 8" means nothing to me)

Vecna · 02/10/2022 01:25

AnotherForumUser · 01/10/2022 23:35

I'm fine. But then my partner isn't a control freak who seems to think that they have the right to 'tell me' what to do or 'let me' do something. Your partner has the right to decide what he is or isn't comfortable with. Not you.

Show quote history

Why didn't you just say that to begin with? It expresses your opinion far more adequately than an unnecessarily aggressive and entirely pointless "who the fuck do you think you are"

Vecna · 02/10/2022 01:31

I exclusively fancied older men when I was 12. My favourite was Mel Gibson (in his Braveheart days). I also had a thing for the man who married my auntie 😳 I wasn't the only weirdo at my school - several male teachers were much admired amongst the girls.

It's absolutely for the best he's not there, for your daughter's sake. And I agree he's not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable and to want to escape.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 02/10/2022 01:32

Lunabun · 02/10/2022 01:08

I'm amused by the people who can't imagine 13 year olds having odd crushes. Crikey, the sorts I "fancied" when I was that age... very embarrassing!

For one thing anyway, a crush at that age is very different to the crushes you have as an adult. And secondly, this sounds very much like a mob mentality situation. One of them would have commented that OP's DH is decent looking, then they all join in and before long you have a frenzy on your hands. It's obviously very unlikely that any of them have any genuine feelings for him - they just see it as a 'safe' way for them to explore and express these types of issues and feelings. I say safe because he's an older, married man - none of them for a second think anything would happen. They're just having fun (though sadly at the expense of OP's daughter!).

I don't blame your DH to want to steer clear, though.

I agree with this. I remember when I was 12 we got a new Phys ed teacher and "all the girls" thought he was so good looking, including me. Except that I didnt really, but at that age you dont want to "be different" so I pretended I did. Who knows how many really thought he was so handsome (because honestly I dont see how they could have LOL).

wellhelloitsme · 02/10/2022 01:47

Imagine knowing your son's mates were handing around pictures of you to discuss the fact you're fit.

I wouldn't fancy being in a house overnight with six of them because it would be awkward.

Same applies to OP's partner. Who are sounds like a decent, sensible bloke to make the suggestion to have a night with a mate on sleepover highly.

wellhelloitsme · 02/10/2022 01:50

@ElectedOnThursday

Children consider anyone over age 18 to be old.

What an odd thing to state as fact.

You've never known a 13 year old to be obsessed with a pop star / actor who is 18+?!

One Direction, Twilight, Backstreet Boys etc etc countless examples.

wellhelloitsme · 02/10/2022 01:52

@Mariposista

If my husband found out a load of teenage girls had started a fan club about him, this would just boost his ego so much he wouldn't fit through the door!

13 year old girls fancying him would boost his ego?

Bleurgh. How gross.

scrivette · 02/10/2022 01:56

At 14 I definitely fancied a teacher and my best friends StepDad, also I was 'in love' with my neighbour who was in his 40's so it's definitely a thing.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 02/10/2022 03:38

TbH I'd be encouraging him to to do this if he wanted to anyway. Hormonal teenagers who fancy an adult isn't ever going to end well for the adult. Obviously it might end with no problems, but if something did happen (rumours, their own mums and dad's getting the wrong end of the stick) it would only be something bad, it's not going to have a positive. So being the choices are 1.Your DH being out in an uncomfortable position that could even lead to him being in a vulnerable position (teenage girls can do all manner of daft things when they've got a crush. Walking about upstairs in their pajamas to "accidentally" run into your DH on his way out of the bathroom for example) or 2. Have him safely out of the house to protect his own reputation, the feelings of your DD, and to try and squash this crush before one of of girls starts to get too "attached" to seeing him or does something daft to get his attention.... I'd pick two. That way everyone is playing safe.

funzeny · 02/10/2022 04:36

He needs to leave for his own protection. Never allow yourself to be alone with a child even if you think it's ok, the potential disasters aren't worth it. He needs to leave and never acknowledge these girls whatsoever.

Herejustforthisone · 02/10/2022 04:41

AnotherForumUser · 01/10/2022 23:35

I'm fine. But then my partner isn't a control freak who seems to think that they have the right to 'tell me' what to do or 'let me' do something. Your partner has the right to decide what he is or isn't comfortable with. Not you.

Show quote history

You are ridiculous.

ElectedOnThursday · 02/10/2022 05:09

wellhelloitsme · 02/10/2022 01:50

@ElectedOnThursday

Children consider anyone over age 18 to be old.

What an odd thing to state as fact.

You've never known a 13 year old to be obsessed with a pop star / actor who is 18+?!

One Direction, Twilight, Backstreet Boys etc etc countless examples.

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

AramintaLee · 02/10/2022 06:05

ElectedOnThursday · 02/10/2022 05:09

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

Show quote history

This isn't true at all. The only men I crushed on and fancied during my early teen years were teachers at my school. First it was the D&T teacher... then the Maths teacher... the PE teacher and finally the Sixth Form head when I was 16/17. I think the men ranged from mid-20s to early 40s.

When you're a teen, there is something attractive about a man who seems to be "grown up" and have his shit sorted. I had no time for boys my own age who were all scruffy, football obsessed nonces. Also girls do mature quicker than boys emotionally and so I always thought the boys in my school were too immature for me.

It's only when I went to University that I started to notice boys in my age group.

NormalNans · 02/10/2022 06:46

ElectedOnThursday · 02/10/2022 05:09

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

Show quote history

Have you read this thread? Loads of examples of just that, why would you think your opinion is right when it’s been demonstrated that it’s not over and over again. How odd?

Novum · 02/10/2022 07:02

ElectedOnThursday · 01/10/2022 22:10

No they don’t, this is a sick fantasy. Children consider anyone over age 18 to be old. And they don’t say”fit”.

Absolute nonsense. I can distinctly remember the whole class in my girls' school fancying our male geography teacher when I was around 14.

Novum · 02/10/2022 07:05

Noteverybodylives · 01/10/2022 21:34

He’s being silly.

This is something he’s going to have to get used to and if you have a DS you’ll have to get used to it too.

I get that he doesn’t want to be accused of anything but I highly doubt that will ever happen when there are so many other witnesses around.

But why take the risk when it's so easily avoided?

BMW6 · 02/10/2022 07:18

My niece (14 at the time) had a crush on my DH (45 then) several years ago.

It was very obvious - even my old Mum noticed it and remarked on it without us having said anything.

Very odd because a) Age b) Balding rapidly

I remember my first fantasy man was Mr Spock. I was around 13, he was old enough to be my dad and an alien.