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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's friends "fancy" DH

243 replies

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 20:53

DD is in year 8, it's her birthday next month and she's having a sleepover with 5 of her mates from school.
The issue is, according to DD then DH has apparently developed a little fan club consisting of a few school friends who apparently think he's "fit" one of her friends who's slept over in the past found his Facebook and a few of his profile pics have been passed around the classroom so the others can decide if he's "fit" or not.
DH was mortified when she was telling us in the car earlier and has said he's staying at a friends house the night of the sleepover as he wouldn't feel comfortable being around them.

Am I wrong in thinking he's being stupid and overthinking it far too much? They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/10/2022 01:28

For what?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/10/2022 01:31

Spudina · 01/10/2022 21:09

I actually think that’s not a bad idea.....in an absolute worst case scenario, scantily clad teenagers with over active imaginations, and later rumours flying around school..... why risk it??

This is what I was thinking - some teenage fantasy of a midnight song turning in to rumour/accusation - you never know! Let him keep well away.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/10/2022 01:33

Dannexe · 02/10/2022 07:18

Ds1 (18) has parties which attract a disproportionate number of girls. Apparently partly influenced by the fact that they all think dh is fit. He’s 53! He is very good looking. I stick firmly by his side when the house is full of drunk 18 year olds..

Why does your son have so many parties with drunk teens? He’s only 18 so can’t be more than 1 birthday? Just curious.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/10/2022 01:40

ElectedOnThursday · 02/10/2022 05:09

Children don’t fancy anyone out of their age group. They may have a crush on a pop star but that is entirely different. Children cannot comprehend romance. Sexualising them as you insist upon doing says a lot about your level of sick.

Show quote history

Nonsense. My BF was 13 when she fancied her brothers best friend of 19. She was 17th en they finally got together and 22 when she marries him, 6.5yrs her senior. She knew.
I was very in love at 13, he was my age but if he had been older the feelings would still be valid. You’re talking nonsense.

Dannexe · 03/10/2022 07:16

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/10/2022 01:33

Why does your son have so many parties with drunk teens? He’s only 18 so can’t be more than 1 birthday? Just curious.

Show quote history

Because they’re teens and whatever we might like in an ideal world, they will drink. Better at house parties where there are responsible adults there to keep an eye on them than wandering around the city with fake IDs and vulnerable to being approached by strangers. There is probably one every couple of weeks (they will tail off since it’s exam year). We host a disproportionate number since we have a very large garden and patio with lots of seating and a covered area and we are isolated so they can play music without worrying about disturbing others too much.

Original poster
Dollydea · 03/10/2022 07:17

xogossipgirlxo · 02/10/2022 21:38

I think he’s right to stay away. Btw. why do you find it funny? If it was the other way round, I bet you wouldn’t think it’s amusing.

Why are you assuming that I find it funny? Not once have I said or even insinuated that it's at all funny.

OP posts:
Sniffypete · 03/10/2022 07:34

Having had school friends fancy my dad (🤢), one to the extreme of showing up at my house when she thought I wasn't in so she could "wait there" for me to come home so she be there alone. She'd also try and hug him or sit on his lap and then he'd push her away. Soon, she wasn't allowed round and he'd always hide if she turned up and not answer the door.

Let your DH stay elsewhere, if it's making him uncomfortable then why should he be there? Also, it may put him in a very difficult situation that is easily avoided.

itsjustnotok · 03/10/2022 11:13

Sorry OP but I think YABU. Girls can be silly and it doesn’t take much for an off the cuff remark turns into something else. I get why he is concerned, let him stay out.

BasicDad · 03/10/2022 11:49

The same has happened to me this year, same Y8 age range. My DD was more embarrassed than me at first and they love winding her up about it.

They had a few sleepovers during the summer hols and all they do is act a bit goofy and silly and there's usually giggles when I leave the lounge. They have a nickname for me and they try and act a bit cheeky, but that's it.

It's a bit awkward, but it's easy to brush off. And it doesn't really go on as their heads move to the next silly thing. So YANBU really...he should stay and just brush it off.

igor · 03/10/2022 12:42

At 14 I had a serious crush on a 35 year old man, at 15 I was having sex with him regularly.

Young girls can have a crush on someone of any age, the consequences for your partner could be horrific if one of the girls tried to make any sort of claim to show off to the others.

Tootels · 03/10/2022 13:07

igor · 03/10/2022 12:42

At 14 I had a serious crush on a 35 year old man, at 15 I was having sex with him regularly.

Young girls can have a crush on someone of any age, the consequences for your partner could be horrific if one of the girls tried to make any sort of claim to show off to the others.

Well he clearly abused you whether you were up for it or not. He was old enough to be your dad.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 03/10/2022 13:15

Dollydea · 03/10/2022 07:17

Why are you assuming that I find it funny? Not once have I said or even insinuated that it's at all funny.

Show quote history

Just re-read your opening post. The only issue you were concerned with was the inconvenience to yourself- although on the one hand there's not really much to do

They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

but on the other hand 6 teenage girls are too much for you.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Reading the replies I think your husband was right to absent himself but the best solution would have been to nip this nonsense in the bud.

Roxy69 · 03/10/2022 15:09

Spudina · 01/10/2022 21:09

I actually think that’s not a bad idea.....in an absolute worst case scenario, scantily clad teenagers with over active imaginations, and later rumours flying around school..... why risk it??

I'm with him on this, why risk anything? It could end up being a nightmare. If one of them gets slighted and decides to get her own back, even as a joke; who knows how it could all end.

ReallyTryingTo · 03/10/2022 18:13

Sorry OP. I know it's abit crap your going to be left with all these kids but I'm fully on your husbands side.
Just dodgy ground that isn't it, it's just got to take one girl to make up some crap and you could find yourself in drama from at least the other parents.
If I was him I would want to be staying away too.

igor · 04/10/2022 01:36

@Tootels completely aware of it. He took advantage, the ops OH should be wary of being in a situation where he could be accused.

BeanStew22 · 04/10/2022 02:21

Your DH is v wise to be out of the house - I remember some v overactive imaginations from my school classmates around that age, better to avoid any issues

Dibbydoos · 09/10/2022 13:46

I think you're DH is taking the right step. In this day and age men cannot be too careful.

Let him have a night at his mates, it'll be good for him.

GetThatHelmetOn · 04/01/2023 23:33

I think I would have flown the house with 6 in a sleepover even if they had not said I was fit!

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