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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD's friends "fancy" DH

243 replies

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 20:53

DD is in year 8, it's her birthday next month and she's having a sleepover with 5 of her mates from school.
The issue is, according to DD then DH has apparently developed a little fan club consisting of a few school friends who apparently think he's "fit" one of her friends who's slept over in the past found his Facebook and a few of his profile pics have been passed around the classroom so the others can decide if he's "fit" or not.
DH was mortified when she was telling us in the car earlier and has said he's staying at a friends house the night of the sleepover as he wouldn't feel comfortable being around them.

Am I wrong in thinking he's being stupid and overthinking it far too much? They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?

OP posts:

Original poster

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 22:57

AnotherForumUser · 01/10/2022 22:54

"Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?"

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Are you ok?

OP posts:

FeralWitch · 01/10/2022 22:58

eyeteevee · 01/10/2022 22:13

The worst part is that you are trying to work out whether to 'let' your husband sleep elsewhere.

I did. I was a bugger for it.

FeralWitch · 01/10/2022 22:58

I did. I was a bugger for it.

Show quote history

Sorry, quoted the wrong post.

I fancied 40 year olds when I was a teenager.

Mariposista · 01/10/2022 23:03

If my husband found out a load of teenage girls had started a fan club about him, this would just boost his ego so much he wouldn't fit through the door! Provided it stayed at just silly girly talk. I'm sure our daughter would be more embarrassed than he would hahaha
Yours sounds like he has a bit more common sense hahahaha

friedbrainrightnow · 01/10/2022 23:04

@Mariposista eww …

Guiltycat · 01/10/2022 23:06

Oh god this has reminded me of a crush I had on a best friends Dad. I thought I was so subtle (internal cringe) but it must have been so obvious. Luckily he was a genuinely decent man and friends mum later told me she thought it was adorable at the time!

Looking back I think he did take extra precautions to keep an appropriate distance like your DH wants to. I think every decent grown man would do the same.

HikingforScenery · 01/10/2022 23:06

friedbrainrightnow · 01/10/2022 23:04

@Mariposista eww …

I agree. They’re what, 13? Ewww indeed

ItsaPeppaPink · 01/10/2022 23:09

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 22:57

Are you ok?

Show quote history

I second the OPs concern! Such a strange response

Winceybincey · 01/10/2022 23:10

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 21:15

Yes I think this is what he's most worried about. I suppose you can't be too careful especially in the age of social media etc.

I guess a night alone with 6 teenagers is better than any harmful rumours spreading.
He has offered to take DS with him too, so I suppose we can turn it into a "girls only" night.

Thanks everyone

Show quote history

It will be fine. I was a single parent with my daughter and she had many of sleepovers. They just stayed in her room with snacks and drinks. Could be noisy at times quite late into the night but there was nothing that would warrant two adults being there.

I don’t blame him though, he’s probably worried about false rumours arising.

Spudina · 01/10/2022 23:15

There were always rumours about my IT teacher in Comprehensive. Just because he was good looking. The guy would have been in his thirties, was totally innocent and happily married with a wife and kid.

Somethingneedstochange · 01/10/2022 23:16

Love this idea 😂😂😂

amyneedssleep · 01/10/2022 23:17

You need to try and make sure they're not using this to subtly bully your daughter. Teenage girls have a gift of working out insecurities and then running wild with it. They may have put pressure on her to have this sleepover and there may be some unkind comments to her when they find out he's not there for them to giggle over. Just be on your guard. True friends would have stopped this type of behaviour once they knew it was making your daughter uncomfortable. The fact they found his social media and were passing it around class presumably while your daughter was having to listen to this all is really worrying.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 01/10/2022 23:21

Personally, I'd want to be out of the house too. What if one of the kids makes up that something happened to try and seem cool to her friends, could lead to an absolute nightmare.

Luckily I'm fat, balding and known for wearing Star Trek t-shirts so in no danger of being found attractive by my daughters friends

SD1978 · 01/10/2022 23:27

I'm on his side- I'd be getting the feck out if there too. Him being around during the day, and with these girls over, fair enough but I wouldn't be putting myself in a position where there could be even a hint of an accusation of in appropriate contact. If the girls were sneaking around to spy on him, or being a bit silly and told their parents it would be on him. I'd be staying elsewhere too if it was me.

Somethingneedstochange · 01/10/2022 23:30

It's the way social media and phone data works. You only have to meet someone once. Even easier if you have your location setting on. When you search for them they're name is usually first to come up. And with your daughter living in the same house they're phones will pick that up from your dd's as well.

MsCactus · 01/10/2022 23:33

Why does he need to stay away? My older brother's friends ALL fancied my mum growing up - used to make so many comments and jokes. Then they started asking me out when I turned about 13/14.

My brother was always very sociable and there were often about 10 of them round our house. My mum and me both just ignored it.

They're teenagers - they fancy any vaguely attractive adults. Feel like your DH is really over reacting and taking something very minor seriously. Next week they'll fancy someone else's Dad

AnotherForumUser · 01/10/2022 23:35

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 22:57

Are you ok?

Show quote history

I'm fine. But then my partner isn't a control freak who seems to think that they have the right to 'tell me' what to do or 'let me' do something. Your partner has the right to decide what he is or isn't comfortable with. Not you.

MsCactus · 01/10/2022 23:37

Also, I remember me and my friends at school all chatting about who's Dad were attractive (and pretty sure the one girl actually told her Dad people found him attractive).

Again, he wasn't really attractive - just vaguely ok for an old Dad. Teenagers will make jokes like this, it's very normal and harmless

allboysherebutme · 01/10/2022 23:40

He's best off out the way, some hormonal kids can do strange things, at least if he's not there nobody could make any accusations, I'm not saying they would but you are better to be safe than sorry. X

Georgeandzippyzoo · 01/10/2022 23:42

My first crush was on a dad of a girl in the year below us. We would see him on our estate and I was secretly 'in love'. He was a friendly, lovely, chatty bloke but obviously I never said anything to anyone. Saw him about 5yrs ago (30 +yrs)and he recognised me (took me a few seconds to catch on) and gave me a hug, I still got goosebumps! It's my little secret but can Def understand why your DH does not want to be there!
I think taking your DS away for the night is a great 'cover' story.

elm26 · 01/10/2022 23:42

100% agree it's the right thing for him to remove himself if he is uncomfortable.

As previous posters have pointed out, it only takes girl to make up something about him and that's it, all hell will break loose for you.

I was raised by my Grandparents, my Gramps used to to give my friends lifts home after a sleepover but would insist that my Nan and I were always in the car too. Not that I imagine any of my friends fancied my Gramps but it takes one attention seeking lie to completely ruin a man's life, and his family's too.

As for the photos, I'd be talking to the parents about this. It's not acceptable to be passing around photos of grown men (celebrities would be a bit different!)

elm26 · 01/10/2022 23:45

Mariposista · 01/10/2022 23:03

🚩 ermmmm

Original poster

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 23:59

@AnotherForumUser "tell him & let him" meaning without kicking up a fuss when it's not necessary. I'd never force him into doing something.

Get a grip.

OP posts:

witchesbubblebath · 02/10/2022 00:09

Tootels · 01/10/2022 22:12

What 13 year old would fancy a 40 odd year old?

It's definitely a thing. I remember thinking my friend's lawyer dad was hotttttttt and he was at least that age.

Carlycat · 02/10/2022 00:20

He should change his FB settings so people can't snoop and copy his photos
Plus I don't blame him wanting to get out of the way

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