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Original poster

DD's friends "fancy" DH

243 replies

Dollydea · 01/10/2022 20:53

DD is in year 8, it's her birthday next month and she's having a sleepover with 5 of her mates from school.
The issue is, according to DD then DH has apparently developed a little fan club consisting of a few school friends who apparently think he's "fit" one of her friends who's slept over in the past found his Facebook and a few of his profile pics have been passed around the classroom so the others can decide if he's "fit" or not.
DH was mortified when she was telling us in the car earlier and has said he's staying at a friends house the night of the sleepover as he wouldn't feel comfortable being around them.

Am I wrong in thinking he's being stupid and overthinking it far too much? They'll be in her bedroom the majority of the time not like they'll be sat downstairs watching tv with us etc.

If I'd known I was gonna be left alone with 6 of them then I wouldn't of agreed to so many staying over but it's too late to cut down on numbers now.

Not sure whether to tell him to stop being stupid or just suck it up and let him stay at his friends house for the night?

OP posts:
MysweetAudrina · 01/10/2022 21:50

Seems a bit of an overreaction. Is he going to leave the house every time she has friends over?

Original poster
Dollydea · 01/10/2022 21:51

Thanks everyone, we've agreed that he'll stay at his brothers and take DS with him, we'll turn it into a girls night & my mum is only around the corner if back up is needed.

He's changed his privacy settings too, tbh I'm shocked they managed to find his profile in the first place as both his first and last name are extremely common & DD doesn't have Facebook so they couldn't have found it through her friends list, it must've taken some digging.

I've told DD to just ignore it for the time being.

OP posts:
steff13 · 01/10/2022 21:51

I think he should leave if he's uncomfortable. Teenage girls don't require much adult supervision at a sleepover anyway, there should be no issue with you being there alone.

How2Support · 01/10/2022 21:54

Meatshake · 01/10/2022 21:04

I think I'd flee too in his position! It's fairly sensible, both to avoid any embarrassment for your daughter and also to nix any bs from the teenage rumour mill.

I'd have more concerns if he was leaning into it and letting it fluff his ego!

I agree with this. Having had a friend's dad who NOBODY fancied but fancied himself, spare any cringe and let him off the hook. I think he's showing really decent boundaries.

SunshineLoving · 01/10/2022 21:55

I think it is most definitely the most sensible thing to do for your DH to stay away for the night and it be a girls only night. It will hopefully also be more enjoyable for your DD like this.

If I was you, I would invite my mum/sister/friend to stay the night so I had some support.

CuriousCatfish · 01/10/2022 22:00

I don't think he should go anywhere. Are you going to make him leave the house when ever your DD has her mates round?

MrsTumblebee · 01/10/2022 22:02

No one should have to leave their home because a group of teenagers fancy them. In fact OP the whole thing is so bloody ugly that I’d stop the sleepover and not have the teenagers back in my house till they’d learned some respect and how to behave properly. Your DD also needs told the subject is inappropriate and not to be brought up again.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 01/10/2022 22:04

MrsTumblebee · 01/10/2022 22:02

No one should have to leave their home because a group of teenagers fancy them. In fact OP the whole thing is so bloody ugly that I’d stop the sleepover and not have the teenagers back in my house till they’d learned some respect and how to behave properly. Your DD also needs told the subject is inappropriate and not to be brought up again.

I'm pretty sure the DD is just as uncomfortable with it. How is she meant to stop her friends from doing that? Some teens are more likely to do it if they realised it made her uncomfortable

EntertainingandFactual · 01/10/2022 22:07

Right decision OP.
Young girls can be a bit much when they have a crush. He should stay well clear.

Georgeskitchen · 01/10/2022 22:07

Oh dear your poor DH!! I think he's wise to get out of the way for the night. Knowing what young teenage girls can be like. I know because I was one.......long ago 😉

LuckyLil · 01/10/2022 22:09

Oddly nobody can pass pictures around from my Facebook because it's only visible to friends..

LDN1 · 01/10/2022 22:09

He's sensible. Respect due to your husband 👏

MeridianB · 01/10/2022 22:10

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 01/10/2022 21:23

This "fit dad" fan club has disaster waiting to happen all over it. Your DH is correct to remove himself for the weekend for everyone's benefit.
Young girls with a crush, one of them perhaps seeking attention, makes a false accusation, etc.
Perhaps someone should have a talk with the girls about respecting other people's privacy and dignity and not passing photos of someone around class to rate it. How would they feel if it was a photo of one of them being shared?

Totally agree. And can you imagine if 13yo boys were looking up photos of a mum online, sharing them and rating her ahead of a big sleepover at her house. It’s really weird behaviour. Your DH’s instincts are 100% sound.

ElectedOnThursday · 01/10/2022 22:10

No they don’t, this is a sick fantasy. Children consider anyone over age 18 to be old. And they don’t say”fit”.

Manchestermummax3 · 01/10/2022 22:11

@Dollydea
I won't add to the consensus of poor husband, no wonder he wants to spend the night elsewhere & poor daughter to for her embarrassment.

When I was in high school, 2 girls made up that a PE teacher came onto them (he didnt) all was investigated & thank god the poor bloke was found completely innocent & the girls admitted they'd made it up.... all hell broke loose, police, social everything! All because they fancied him.
18 years later my then teenage step son who never knew the situation at the time (because he wasnt even born then!!!) told us this 'rumour' about Mr xxxxx
Kids to this day at that school talk about it!
A stupid teenage lie almost ruined him, his marriage, his reputation.

CuriousCatfish · 01/10/2022 22:11

ElectedOnThursday · 01/10/2022 22:10

No they don’t, this is a sick fantasy. Children consider anyone over age 18 to be old. And they don’t say”fit”.

I did wonder...

Tootels · 01/10/2022 22:12

What 13 year old would fancy a 40 odd year old?

eyeteevee · 01/10/2022 22:13

The worst part is that you are trying to work out whether to 'let' your husband sleep elsewhere.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/10/2022 22:14

Your DD also needs told the subject is inappropriate and not to be brought up again.

Of course its appropriate to discuss it! I would far rather my DD felt able to tell me about a situation like this and mitigate any worry on her part than her not say anything and the first we heard about it was when a teenager with an over active imagination has started an untrue rumour about my (hypothetical) DH!

The fact is that all it takes is one dreamy teen posting something she wishes were true about the DH on SM for the DH to be the victim of an investigation.

Not a risk I would take.

Snugglemonkey · 01/10/2022 22:14

Tootels · 01/10/2022 22:12

What 13 year old would fancy a 40 odd year old?

When we were 13 there was a German teacher at school pretty much everyone fancied who must easily have been 40.

Original poster
Dollydea · 01/10/2022 22:17

Tootels · 01/10/2022 22:12

What 13 year old would fancy a 40 odd year old?

He's 32.
Although I thought the same, I remember having crushes on a few of my friends older brothers but not their dads.

OP posts:
Florenz · 01/10/2022 22:18

Your husband should stay at home and make himself as unattractive as he can for the evening. Wear a stained T-shirt and tracksuit bottoms. Grow a moustache in preparation for Movember.

JudyGemstone · 01/10/2022 22:20

The Crucible started like this didn’t it? Near Halloween too, better safe than sorry I reckon!

ItsaPeppaPink · 01/10/2022 22:20

Grandeur · 01/10/2022 21:06

He's not her biological dad? This could be the reason..

Show quote history

Why does the fact he's not her biological dad make a difference? I don't understand what you mean?? What's your reasoning?

PorcupinePie · 01/10/2022 22:20

No they don’t, this is a sick fantasy. Children consider anyone over age 18 to be old. And they don’t say”fit”.

Maybe in your experience. I definitely fancied one of my friends' dad's when I was that age, mostly just because he showed me a bit of kindness and I had terrible self esteem. But my first 'boyfriend' was 28 when I was 14 (and luckily too naive to do anything other than the odd terrible snog) so perhaps I just had older men issues 🤷🏼‍♀️ But there are plenty of other teenage girls in the same emotionally unhealthy boat.
Having an older boyfriend made me feel very grown up at the time, I didn't think of him as "old" at all, more as a status symbol - although looking back I'm obviously horrified.