To not tell DH (or anyone) I’m pregnant?

[Puppalicious]

I’m pregnant. Found out today. I have been a fool and lax with contraception. Deep down probably felt was too old to get pregnant. There is no way we want another baby. We’re barely keeping our heads above water with the children we have and we are OLD. My DH struggles with the idea of abortion. I think I just want to go get an abortion and tell no one - I feel ashamed of getting pregnant. When I was v young I had an abortion which took me years to get over - back then I felt abortion was wrong. Decades more life experience, loved ones having abortions, having several v early miscarriages which didn’t feel like losing a baby (compared to how I know I would feel losing a pregnancy after perhaps 12 week mark), and I think I could cope mentally with a very early abortion. I think my DH would struggle a lot more. But I know he definitely would not want another baby. Am I wrong in just going ahead and getting an abortion without letting him know?

It is your body - do what you need to do. Sorry your DH wouldn't be supportive

This is one of those threads where I wish @MNHQ would allow the ‘pinning’ of a vital update to the top of a long thread so we don’t get lots more replies responding only to the original post.

I’m so glad your DH is being supportive, OP.

Glad to hear he was supportive, that’s so great.

I’m so glad he was supportive, OP.

I’m glad you have the support you needed OP. Hopefully things can be sorted quickly now.

yanbu OP. I had a scare recently and partner also squeamish about abortion. I wouldn’t have hesitated if I had been pregnant. Hope you’re ok x

I agree with you

It’s your body, you do as you think is best. It’snnot selfish, I agree you’re doing him a favour really by not asking him to agree or disagree.

Sending hugs.

What if god forbid something went wrong and you hadn’t told him.

That is easy for me to say though as I know if I was in your position my DH would be on the same page as me with regards to termination.

I'm so glad you've been able to share the burden & your DH is on the same page.

definitely get some proper contraception sorted as well.

Please read OP's update. She has told DH and he is supportive.

Your body your choice.

Sorry, just read the thread. So glad it worked out well and he supported you x

Big hugs op, don't beat yourself up. You're clearly a good mum for considering how this will impact the whole family. It's your body, your choice. 💞

@Miajk wow, that's fucking harsh. Everyone is different and your comments absolutely dismiss the sadness that comes with a termination.

It was in a response to a highly emotive comment telling OP her husband should have a chance to say goodbye to the child.

Using incorrect terminology in an emotional way to guilt women into feeling bad about having an abortion is what's really harsh IMO

I couldn’t not tell my husband but I’d tell him I was going to have a termination, there would be no discussion. If I wasn’t married honestly I wouldn’t say anything but go and have the termination.

I'm so glad for you.

Wishing you all the very best for the appointments and hoping that you cope well with the whole thing. x

Look after yourself, OP, I’m happy your DH was supportive and agreed.

Thanks everybody, a lot of the comments here made me realise it was too big a thing to keep. Definitely will be sorting out more reliable contraception whether that’s the coil or the snip.

Agreed @Miajk

Good luck to you both, I'm glad you're getting support.