Ending relationship because he is too tight?

[Lucasmamax]

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

I’d ditch him. And tell him why. Maybe in the future he will be a bit more generous (and I don’t mean that he should be paying for everything, but he should be paying for some things).

I think this is also a really good example of why the government’s ‘trickle down’ economy won’t work. The rich don’t always spend their money! He’s moaning about rice going up by 9p when he’s a millionaire. I completely understand him wanting to protect his money from gold diggers, but you sound like you are willing to go half’s, the problem is that he isn’t willing to go half’s for his share.

There is no long term in this relationship. Can you imagine living with him or having a child with him. I’ve seen friends struggle because there partner limits their spending and it was awful (worst example- very young baby and toddler, washing machine broke and despite him being able to afford to replace it, she hand washed the whole families clothes for weeks). Don’t let yourself be in that position. Life is to short.

I don't think this is about being a millionaire or gold digger. Or necessarily being tight. It's compatibility.

He spends £45k towards his car cause it is something he wants and it is worth it for him. A Chinese buffet brings him more/same amount of joy as does a £££ Michelin star meal. Going to the pub is an equal outing to him as is Spa weekend getaway. So he dienst want to spend the money for something he doesn't appreciate. Should he do it occasionally to make his partner happy? Yes. Especially if he has the means. But if op is the one always looking for the next weekend away and expecting him to pay his share of something he doesn't really want to do then that is a lot to ask.Whining about money all the time (wether you're rich or broke) is a turnoff.

Someone paying for themselves is a gold digger?! 😂

It's not because of the money itself, it's because he doesn't want to do things with you that you want to do.
Nothing is preventing him, as he could afford them, he just doesn't want to .
You aren't suited.

A poor guy who would give you his last penny is a better bet than a rich miser.
If he owns 80 BTLs he is never going to be poor.
I went out with some very wealthy blokes back in the day. All shits, all now divorced in their 50/60s.
My husband bought me champagne on our first date and brought flowers for my mother when he came to lunch. He was a ordinary working Jo. He actually told our son he must buy a lady her first dinner (23, they all go halves these days).
So I would tell him you are off out with some friends to somewhere nice and don't have time.
£45k for a numberplate (bloody idiot).

He seems to suggesting dates which are quite normal for most people - whats wrong with Chinese restaurants or going to the pub exactly? Or hotels costing less than £70? I mean most people just go round to each other's houses after a certain time and have one or two meals out or weekend hotel stays as a special thing, not a regular thing.

And if the guy's interest is in managing his own money, then yes its probably a trait that he will talk about how much things cost. A lot of wealthy people do this. No-one likes to be fleeced and he's probably learned to get good value.

I do think you come across as a golddigger. Do you invite him round to your home and cook? Its quite odd to so demanding about expensive hotels and restaurants.

I would guess he is quite wary of women like you just wanting to use him for his money, and I don't blame him. You have quite a "chunky" demanding way of writing, so perhaps it doesn't come across this way in real life. Did you agree to date this man because he was rich or because you liked him? Because tbh if you are a golddigger and you are assuming that rich men won't see through you, you are going to fail miserably at getting a rich husband. The richest man I know (acres of land, estates in Surrey and Scotland) took his now wife camping on a Scottish island for their first holiday!

I would just say you enjoy different things. You want to go out be sociable, have new experiences and see new places and he does not. Just say you think you want different things in life and after thinking about it you just don’t see that is going to work between you. It doesn’t have to be framed in the context of money.

Not sure about the wanting him to pay for things in general but overall tightness is not a good look and if you're not getting on because of it then yeah leave him. My husband is quite tight but I'm the higher earner so if I want something I pay for it. I pay for our holidays because his salary just covers half the mortgage, bills, food and childcare. But it's annoying if he's out without me, I have to remind him to offer to pay for a round with his mates. And he will still expect his parents to pay for a meal out if he's out with them. He bucks up when it's pointed out though. If it was any worse or if he was the higher earner... it'd be exhausting.

You have a different philosophy towards life, that's all. You want to enjoy the money that you do have by having fun experiences and you want someone to share them with. He is only willing to spend money on the things that are 'worth it' to him regardless of what you value. That's the reason I'd dump him, really... he doesn't sound like the type that would put himself out or go out of his comfort zone to make someone he supposedly loves happy. In reality, relationships have to have some give or take.... I've been to see films I haven't enjoyed, on holidays which weren't my preference and to restaurants I don't particularly like because my DH wanted to go to those. Similarly, he's done the same for me.

It sounds like it's not so much that he's tight with money but that he thinks his preferences are the only ones that matter. Successful relationships depend on compromise and reciprocity.

I'd be binning him off purely because he thinks it's ok to hoard over 80 properties...

1. you dont sound like a gold digger at all, so no worries OP
2. he sounds such a great joy to be with ha! No way please leave him today and enjoy life with your son instead :)

Keep us posted! x

Ignore the others on here, I'm sure they're the same ones who run to posts saying their husbands earn 6 figure salaries. Bet they wouldn't put up with that either!

Honestly, stinginess is an unattractive quality. You're better off without.

However rich someone was, I'm afraid if they suggested a camping holiday to me they'd go on the 'bin' list. As far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely no material wealth that can compensate for being expected to go camping on a regular basis!!!

are there really men out there who want to go on spa days ?

Judging by the photos, they had a great time! I don't think they go camping regularly, but perhaps going camping if you are a multi-millionaire at the outset of a relationship is a good way of testing compatibility under less than idea conditions!

And I guess you don't protect all that inherited wealth by spending it on new girlfriends exotic luxury holidays

If someone is earning way more than the other person do you not think they should pay for majority of things?

A few months in? No. Not unless they offer. Before DH, I dated a very rich man, and I honestly felt really embarrassed when he insisted on paying for everything. Even then, he didn't go on spa days with me. I could go to the spa in the hotel on my own of course, and he might join in for 45 minutes on the lounger, but expecting a man to actually go on a spa weekend with you, mmmn, thats not really something I'd be looking for in a man anyway. And you wouldn't have liked my rich boyfriend either, as he was more into small local restaurants that were actually rather good rather than expensive and flashy, and mid range hotels where you could go hiking from!

He had no presents from anyone on his birthday I went out and brought him loads.

Bet you only did that in the expectation of getting more spent on you though OP.

You don't even like this man, goodness knows why you agreed to date him at all. It sounds like he just wants a younger woman on his arm and isn't bothered about impressing you too much, so he probably doesn't like you that much either. Its transactional, but he sounds like nobody's fool.

I find tightness incredibly un attractive in people who are loaded. I’ve got a few in my life. Someone who bought their newborn GC a crappy used cardigan from a charity shop as a welcome to the world gift. She could have bought the entire contents of the shop and the building itself. I’ve a friend who is well meaning but will literally save every last penny, recycle Babyliss and Harding stuff she does like to close family for birthday/Christmas. Her house is worth at least half a million and she has a massive amount of savings but she wouldn’t dream of buying anyone anything nice or treat them just because she can. She will save every last penny when she does a supermarket shop and buy the most basic stuff. So many people have no choice other than to save every last penny and have to justify every single purchase. When people who are multi millionaires do it and seem to think it’s a great trait, it really irks me. I’d get out because this is an ingrained attitude and unlikely to change .

OP,

I don’t think you sound like a gold digger but I think you and this guy sound wrong for each other. TBH he sounds sort of sad and lonely. He probably has been hurt in the past, but so what? That’s life.

You are young and full of life. You will find someone else. He may not, but that isn’t your problem.

My DH went on a few with me under sufferance before we had DC, because I wanted to. Tbh, it wouldn't be my first choice of activity these days and I'd prefer to go alone, but given the sports events I've attended with him and the shit movies I've sat though, him saying that he didn't want to come really wouldn't have impressed me much.

If one of you likes Chinese buffets and the other likes Michelin-starred restaurants, surely the answer (if you want the relationship to work) is to do a mix of both.

Is he really tight? Or just he chooses to spend his money in different ways to you?

I'd rather go to a cheap Chinese buffet than a spa weekend, and would rather go camping than to an expensive hotel I prefer simple pleasures to spending lots of money (even if I can afford it). At this stage in your relationship, I'd want more emphasis on quality of time spent, than what we did.

And how would you feel if the other person disregarded your preferences the whole time and insisted on spa weekends and expensive holidays and never did what you wanted to do?

YANBU. Tightness is very unattractive.

You guys have very different values, money is a "means to an end" for you, something you earn in order to enjoy life (spa, nice restaurant etc...) while for him money is an "ends", he sacrifices his life just so he can have lots of money in the bank. At the end of life you will die happy having had a lot of fun and he will die the richest person in the cemetery having been a miser.Love is a very important (the most) part of life, he should be wanting to keep and pamper you as his partner, but he doesn't value love either, only values $$$. He'll only keep you if you turn into a miser like him. He will die alone and rich. What a miserable life.

Doesn't sound like this relationship is going to work for you mainly because of the different in values.

How on your salary with a child can you possibly being paying your half for all these lavish and expensive vacations you want. You thought you found a sugar daddy, he didn't fall for it. You don't like him for who he is but for what you thought he could give you. That isn't happening. Move on.

Next time find someone who you like as a person versus how many houses they own and how much money they have in the bank.

My point was that I wouldn't be with someone who fundamentally wanted different things to me. Which I think is true of most people?