Ending relationship because he is too tight?

[Lucasmamax]

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

She doesn’t though, does she? It’s literally in the post that you quoted that she’s happy to pay for herself.

She doesn’t want to be whisked away to do stuff at no cost, she wants to do nice things and go to nice places and is happy to pay her way. She’s not willing to foot the bill for someone with a shitload of money just because they’re too tight.

How is stressing over trivia (like his microwave rice going up by 9p!) “sensible”? He’s sucking the joy out of his own life, let alone OP’s.

OP, I went out for a while with a man who earned lots more than me, but was the most miserable skinflint. He was interesting and attractive, but I gave up after discovering he carefully reused his dental floss!

Just tell him the truth OP .. you like experiences and he likes flash cars … I’m not sure you even have difference perspectives .. you will both flash the cash but just on different things . Perhaps he feels able to afford the cars and number plate because he doesn’t allow himself other things .You only live once flippant but true

Why would you want to be with someone who is so morally bankrupt as to be owning 80 houses?

I had an ex who was similar and that's why he's my ex. I earned half what he did and managed to live within my means while still enjoying life. He really sucked the fun out of everything with his penny pinching. I wanted something who would share experiences with me. The final straw was when my friends invited us to go canoeing on a sunny weekend. It cost £30 each for 6 hour hire and we were bringing picnic food. Parking was £10 and when I said I'd pay that myself he was horrified that I'd let them rip me off like that ("them" being the council). I ended up going alone, he started sulking like a teenager and was in a foul mood when I saw him later. I dumped him that night.

If you're happy to pay halves, do you think he's actually being considerate by not insisting on going to expensive places because he knows you won't be able to afford it.

I'm not sure how as a single mother with a child on 26K how you are affording spa days, holidays away, hotels more than £70, nice restaurants etc. The answer sounds like you aren't - so you expect him to pay.

Your post is all about how much money he has but him not spending it - would you be happy to go to "crappy cheap Chinese restaurants" with him, if you knew that was all he could afford?

In terms of the conversation, I would just say that your priorities are too different. You’re happy to pay your way, but as meals out / weekends away are your only treats to yourself you want to make them enjoyable. His priorities are flash cars and number plates, which is his choice but isn’t an investment in your relationship.

If you’re paying your fair share then you’re not a gold digger. If he were paying for all the hotels and meals and you were complaining about them not being swanky enough then that’d be gold digging.

£45k for a private plane? This type of thing annoys me as there is no need. Was he sharing the cost of the plane with friends? DH is sometimes in this position and they get carried away, but personally, I think it's a) unnecessary b) obscene c) an environmental disaster d) a load of bollocks.

@Itsacafe

I think it was a typo and OP meant "plate" (as in number plate)

Don't even need to give him a reason but if you do, yes, different spending priorities.

I would dump him for having a private plate, tbh.

Those things as sad as fuck.

Yanbu and he may want to meet but he isn’t going to change. Personally I think you’ve done the right thing. Life is too short to love a joyless existence if you have the funds to do otherwise. Enjoy your days out and holidays with friends and sack this man off.

A private plate for £45k???? Surely this is a wind up. No one would pay that much money for a number plate for a car. Private number plates are the worst anyway, but what did it say for £45k???

Anamechangeisasgoodasarest - Thankyou. I had read "plate" as "plane!" Oh dear. Time to get to Specsavers for me.

Don't do it OP. The fact he won't take no for an answer says he has no respect for you (which was already evident) and will be controlling if you let this continue. He likes to feel powerful, and you to feel small. You certainly aren't his equal in his eyes, and he's probably a misogynist. Don't let him squash your fun, lovely self!

Meanness is the worst trait in a person. Don't give him a chance to temporarily change his behaviour, or make more empty promises. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to get rid of him.

I fear that's how our spending habits would come across. We have a large house with a pool, nice cars (second hand) and spend quite a lot on holidays.

On the other hand, I take food for the kids when we go to the cinema, I'd always order the smallest drink at Starbucks, my husband likes buying clothes from the charity shop and I sit in a coat in a cold-ish house in winter because it seems indulgent to put the heating on. We also don't usually give each other gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

I guess you spend money on things that bring you pleasure but, even though we're lucky enough to be well-off, I don't like wasting money on other things either. Maybe he's the same although he does sound quite extreme with it.

No she wouldn't.
Gold diggers stop digging when they find they are working a dead seam.

He’s tight isn’t he. He must be raking in ££££per month. He’s not going to change. You are not a gold digger.

Too much of a mismatch. Just say you can't see a future with him

You want spa days
He wants private plates.
You're not suited
You spend your money on what you want and leave him to spend his own money how he chooses
Move on

@red4321

You think having a comfortably heated home is indulgent but you have a pool?

Talk about priorities 🙄

Gosh people are being suprisingly unkind here!!!

He sounds bloody miserable, I could in no way spend my life with a penny pinching miser. A couple of my friends are married to misers and their life is so miserable especially now in their 40's and 50's when things have exacerbated.

You're right to get out now.

I dated a miser for 3 years, it was awful on so many levels. I preferred a more organic approach to splitting bills - but it became horribly transactional - it sucked the fun out of everything. I ended up carrying lots of coins so I could pay him the exact half amount … even for bus fares. He ended up even wanting my share for gas & electricity when I went to stay every other weekend despite me bringing my share of food & drink. He was a cunt.

Get rid, it’s a dour, joy sapping existence.

You are not a gold digger by the way, typical Mumsnet vitriol to suggest you are.

Just text him you think you are incompatible and don't wish to pursue relationship. Wish him well for future. Job done.

I didn't put the pool in, personally I think they're a waste of money in a cold country. There's also a cost of filling them in. My parents' friends were quoted £25k 15 years ago fill theirs in which I know sounds ludicrous.

We have an air source heat pump for the pool. I costed the extra electricity this year and it was £260 x 3 months so around £800. Our forecast gas and electricity bill is £14,500 for the upcoming year so it doesn't make a big difference to the overall total. And I appreciate that £800 is a fortune for some families.

Anyway, I hope you sort it out one way or the other OP. Better to be honest about how you feel rather than store up problems down the line.

Or it is possible that he's a millionaire on paper but the money is actually tied up in the properties he owns and is not available for spending on other people.