Ending relationship because he is too tight?

[Lucasmamax]

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

Some rather unusual definitions of gold digger on this thread. Also some depressingly transactional opinions about dating. Surely you spend money on a jolly day/evening out for fun, regardless of whether the party of the second part is a future life partner? If it goes nowhere, at least you had a good time. It appears however that the man in this situation is not interested in the woman's idea of a good time, at least not to the extent of paying for his half of the activity. That doesn't make either of them bad, it just makes them different. (The 9p microwave rice quibble does give me a bit of a clue as to which one I'd sympathise with more, though...)

It's perfectly possible to live quite a comfortable life on £26k, you know. For all we know OP may be in the happy position of having no rent or mortgage to pay for whatever reason (not so happy if it's a legacy from someone she cared about). She hasn't necessarily been shagging her way through all the rich men in her part of the world. It's a lifestyle choice, but to me it doesn't read as though it's been her choice so far. She's just saying she'd like some higher quality dates and feels it's reasonable to expect her current partner to fork out his share of the cost, him being pretty well off as far as she can tell. But I think some posters just read "dating rich older man" and wade in for a jolly good kicking session.

How is OP stating she's happy to pay for herself the "definition of a gold digger"? I seriously don't understand your logic.

You're clearly only interested in him for his money - and it annoys you knowing he has loads of money and won't spend it on you.

Move on. You're not getting any of it!!!

How do you know he’s a millionaire, though? All of his rental income could be breaking even covering costs, insurances, repairs, tax etc. The flash cars are likely hp/leased.
Some people look very wealthy on paper, doesn’t always mean they are cash rich.

I wouldn't have lasted this long with him OP !

Don't feel bad you've done nothing wrong. He on the other hand has lied to you, he's persued you saying he wants to spoil you and hasn't done that. Also he's basically saying he wants to buy your affection which is icky anyway.

You're not a gold digger. You're willing to pay half for dates/trips etc, he's a millionaire so can afford to pay half too but he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything other than the cheapest places/things. It's miserly.

For those saying maybe he's asset rich but cash poor, so bloody what?! It's a lifestyle choice for him, he could own one less property and have more money to go on fun dates with if he wanted to. OP manages it on a fraction of his wealth as she only earns 26k. She'll also be paying rent/mortgage on the one home she lives in, whereas with 80 properties he'll likely have at least one of them mortgage free which he could live in to reduce living expenses if he wanted to. So she's got less wealth, less disposable income and still manages to have more fun.

I have told him and he’s not having none of it and wants to the know the exact reason why.

What do you mean he's "not having it"?! It's done and dusted, you've told him so that's it. Red flag OP. Breaking up doesn't require permission or agreement from the other party and he's not entitled to an explanation of why.

In fact people should stop explaining why in general. All it does is encourage the rotten ones to hide their bad flaws until they've reeled someone in and the poor sucker has fallen for fake-them, then gets confused when they reveal their true colours and stays in the relationship too long hoping it'll go back to how it was. Better all round if people are their natural selves and everyone can see the rotters from the start, wastes much less time.

Run ....run as fast away from him as you can possibly can. He maybe a millionaire but he's a miserable bastard and he won't change.

Nah, not enjoyable to any extent.

And he's most likely penny-less.

The problem with Mumsnet is it's so full of incel men. These sad sacks have no life having been divorced/dumped by the other halves (how dare she!) for general bastardry (or as they like to put it "having been shafted for half of everything I own for no reason, how dare she again!"). They won't pay for dates or go on dating sites to go out have fun or if they do it comes to nothing because they're them with everything that entails. So they come on Mumsnet to try squash women down because for every woman they can successfully do that to it's a chance for one of their number to maybe have sex again (with someone other than their own hand)

OP just LTB already. If he was the last guy left on earth you'd still be unsuited.

Initially I thought he sounded miserable, but with your updates about how of course he should be paying more, I think you are starting to sound like a gold digger. I expect he wanted to get the measure of you by being careful in these early days. Sounds like with good reason. This early on in a relationship, I would expect to pay my own way, regardless of income levels.

100% this. They're easy to spot once you realise it. Always show up to be antagonistic to women. They're thrilled when women reply defending themselves.
They're best ignored.

How does OP paying for herself make her a gold digger? Explain that to me!

“I’m ending it because you’re tighter than a gnat’s chuff and I want to be able to go places and live my life.

“I don’t want to spend my life listening to you bore on about microwave rice going up by 9p. Especially when you’ve just dumped 45-grand on a fucking number plate.”

@candycaneframe you have no idea what the definition is of gold digger, clearly. Christ.

BlueSkyAndButterflies The problem with Mumsnet is it's so full of incel men.

It is indeed, and I'm beginning to think the OP is one. No-one could be that obtuse and obsessed by money-dates and spa days in real life in the early stages of a relationship.

What a nasty little judgement. He pursued her because he wanted a girlfriend 17 years younger than himself.

This.
He sounds like the type of person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
The fact that you've told him and "he's having none of it" and wants to know the "exact" reason why... sounds like he wants you to justify your decision as he thinks that the Exact reason won't be good enough and that could turn out to be a bit of a browbeating session for you.
If you don't want to meet to discuss it, text that.
You've said no.
He needs to accept that.

Why do you need to go to hotel?

Maybe he like the chinese food.

What’s wrong with old furniture? As long as they are not broken.

I honestly don’t know what he’s done wrong here?

Yeah, you’re not suited, but he doesn’t deserve the name calling!

And if he was posting, I would tell him to find someone his own age.

Why did Op want someone 17 years her senior who was rich - for the $$$.

She should move on and get someone suited to her and her son.

He sounds like the type of person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

So does the OP!

She chose to date him. There are plenty of men her own age who aren't rich that she could have chosen to date.

I think this drama is a bit too fake tbh. Can't wait to hear in a few weeks' time how she decided to give him one more chance and he took her to some luxury hotels but now he's back to Wotherspoons and the local Chinese restaurant.

Do people who are at the stage of going round to each others' homes go to hotels often as well then?

Being tight is such an unattractive trait. Get rid and tell him why!

😂these are both excellent reasons.

Very sensible post. 👍

Everyone saying he’s ’sensible with money’ - nah, he’s tight.

He’s been pushing for this relationship to happen, knowing OP was a single mum on a much much lower wage. If he’s a millionaire paying for a few nice meals and the odd weekend away won’t even make a dent in his money.

It’s one of those things where ‘on paper’ making her pay half or going to cheap restaurants isn’t ‘wrong’, but in real life it’s a good indicator that he’s tight and selfish and finds it difficult to share his money.

@Lunde
Did you see the subsequent posts when she said she thought the person with more money would be paying more?