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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ending relationship because he is too tight?

291 replies

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:03

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 29/09/2022 18:39

I'm not reading it as if you are a gold digger if you are genuinely offering to pay your share. He may just be tight and that's no fun. You can't expect to be taken to nice restaurants though and him pick up the tab. With previous partners I've always pitched the restaurants depending on how flush we are. It might be spoons one week and somewhere nice another but we usually go 50/50 so we'll see how we are for cash. If one person is dead set on going somewhere nice they might offer to pick up the bill.

the80sweregreat · 29/09/2022 18:39

I'd dump him
Life is too short

Mushroomlady · 29/09/2022 18:40

Just say that you think your values are too different. Sounds like you put a higher value on experience and fun, whereas he values financial security.

Original poster
Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:41

@Gistbury I am the same I’m always looking for the next holiday to book or weekend away or concert. Life is for living and he doesn’t want to do that. It’s just moan moan moan he even mentioned the price of the microwave rice he usually buys has gone up by 9p!

OP posts:
wednesday32 · 29/09/2022 18:42

You haven't been dating very long, so I suspect he is wary of spending out money early on. Perhaps in the past he has been taken for mug in relationships where the expectation is that he pays fore more because he earns more. But with over 80 properties he possibly has a lot of outgoings as well. It is important that you date someone you are financially compatible with, so perhaps this isn't meant to be. But I would broach the subject before ending it, to find out if there is a reason he isn't willing to spend any 'fun' money and enjoy experiences.

WorrieaboutFIL · 29/09/2022 18:44

It's not the money, it's the fact that he's no fun and dull by the sounds of it.

BruceHellerAlmighty · 29/09/2022 18:44

He sounds like an absolute bore and I'd be venting too in your position op. How frustrating. He has the means to enjoy life to the fullest but not the slightest clue as to how to do it. Plus, meanness is just draining to be around. I have a friend who is very tight and I can't spend too long with her because it's so tiring.

NippyWoowoo · 29/09/2022 18:45

Ew I find that very off-putting. Unpopular opinion but I shouldn't have to go halves with someone who probably has triple my income Hmm

OneCup · 29/09/2022 18:47

You have two very different outlooks on money. Neither is right or wrong. Just different. In my experience you are not compatible.

Merryoldgoat · 29/09/2022 18:50

@Lucasmamax

You don’t sound like a gold digger to me at all.

If a millionaire with no kids won’t go halves on a spa day you know you’re with a miser.

The flash cars make me think he’s shallow too. Will spend to show off and make a fancy impression but doesn’t care unless it can be displayed.

Batshittery · 29/09/2022 18:53

My DH wouldn't go on a spa day even if I was paying for it!

candycaneframe · 29/09/2022 18:53

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:28

I’m on 26k a year he’s a millionaire with no kids I have a young son. Why on earth should I be offering to pay for us to go away. I’ll pay for myself that’s it. I’m going to text him now before he calls me.

That's the definition of a gold digger

You don't seem to get that

GorillaTape · 29/09/2022 18:54

Entitled

Meseekslookatme · 29/09/2022 18:55

I was with a miser for 18 months. It was shit and I ended it.
He earned a similar amount to me, but let me pay for everything. I even paid for my own birthday meal. (Mid week special deal, about £18 a head) I took him for afternoon tea at the ritz for his!
Weekends away, I drove, I paid for the hotels. He'd buy plenty of drinks, but I'd pay for the food too.
He'd turn on the heating for exactly 15 minutes (timed on his phone) even if there was snow on the ground. He dismissed my attempts to get his loft insulated to try and keep some of that 15 minutes of heat in. "Let's go to the gym! We can shower there instead of here!"
It was fucking miserable.
I flogged that dead horse for way too long.
Dump him. You'll be happier. Imagine being retired with that tight prick.

VioletInsolence · 29/09/2022 18:55

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2022 18:21

So have you taken him to nice hotels then? Or out for nice meals?
From what you've said it seems you expect him to pay for you, or at best, youll go half's. Why?

Because he’s earning over 20k a month?

VioletInsolence · 29/09/2022 18:57

NippyWoowoo · 29/09/2022 18:45

Ew I find that very off-putting. Unpopular opinion but I shouldn't have to go halves with someone who probably has triple my income Hmm

No that’s a normal opinion I should think….this thread is just bonkers!

Merryoldgoat · 29/09/2022 19:01

@candycaneframe

how is she a gold digger for being happy to pay for herself but not paying for someone who outearns her significantly?

This thread is absolutely mental.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/09/2022 19:03

Yanbu this would really piss me off. Just tell him that you don't think you're well suited and move on. It will be miserable sitting with him in some all you can eat for £7.99 buffet knowing he's a millionaire. It's not worth the agro. You aren't a golddigger and frankly even if you want to be carried in life you wouldn't be unreasonable for that either.

EveningOverRooftops · 29/09/2022 19:08

You’re unmatched though if you were both wise you could learn from each other.

he needs to loosen up but fuck OP you need to think of the future not just holidays. Be a bore and pay into a pension or savings pot and curb some of those holidays and weekends to slightly cheaper ones.

just end it. You’re looking for different things from life. It’s that simple.

and there’s nothing miserable or boring about noticing things going up in price. I’ve seen 30% increase in so many things.

MingeofDeath · 29/09/2022 19:11

He does sound like a tightarse. However, you also sound like a golddigger because you think because he has money he has to spend it on expensive meals etc.

LeilaDarling · 29/09/2022 19:14

Get rid, meanness is not endearing.

TokyoTen · 29/09/2022 19:16

Personally I wouldn't give him the real reason. Just say you don't feel you are ready for a relationship at the moment or you think he's lovely but you don't feel you're right for each other long term. If you make it about what you feel he can't really argue with it. Sorry it hasn't worked out OP, I wouldn't like that either.

Pumperthepumper · 29/09/2022 19:18

Are you sure he’s actually got money and isn’t stringing you along? What evidence have you seen of the millions?

BarrelOfOtters · 29/09/2022 19:20

This thread is bizarre. You ain’t a gold digger.

minticecreamisjustok · 29/09/2022 19:21

He does sound very boring and tight, if your offering to go halves he can't say that you're a gold digger. Just say you're looking to have more experiences in a relationship and you feel you're not getting what you need from it.