Ending relationship because he is too tight?

[Lucasmamax]

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

Don't troll hunt - report if you don't believe the OP.
Those posters commenting on him spending £45k on a numberplate, including the OP, are missing the point: he may have purchased it for tax reasons/as an investment.

The things that bring him enjoyment are very different to yours. He's been there, done that, and he's bored. Dating a much younger woman was him looking for some excitement.

He probably comes from a poor family who did count every penny and that has stayed with him.

Let's be honest, it was the money that made him exciting just like it was your youth he was after.

I’d tell him why, I’d have no trouble saying it’s because you suck the joy out of life with your penny pinching ways.

cannot stand tight people.

Please ignore people calling you a gold digger, you’re not some self proclaimed ‘brat’ (boak), and have clearly stated you would like to go halves on activities

Stinginess goes way deeper than just hoarding cash in my experience, it runs deep into selfishness and as a previous poster said a miserly spirit. He may now do a spa day after your “talk” to appease you but this is a feature of his core character, and you would be wasting your time trying to change it.

Hes a miserly fun-sponge, who will only entertain what he wants to do. You value experiences and memories, he values possessions - it’s a fundamental incompatibility.

How did you tell him because personally I would have just said you want to focus on spending your time with your son, and realised you don’t have time for a relationship.

If you don’t want to be with him, that’s reason enough.

You also don’t have to meet him today if you don’t want to.

Its fair enough for him to want to know why you’re ending it (what did you say?) and good that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. But at the end of the day, if you say “We seem to have different priorities for what we spend money on, and I don’t think we can be happy together in the long run because of that”, he can’t argue with it. I mean, he might try - but that’s how you feel, it’s how you feel.

You said earlier you allowed yourself to be persuaded to go for a drink. Do t allow yourself to be persuaded to meet him, or to stay with him, unless YOU want to.

What's morally bankrupt about providing rental housing for 80 families who can't buy themselves? This anti-landlord bile is trotted out all the time on here without any balance.

He wants to know the reason @Lucasmamax.
Tell him.
So he'll know he's a miser.
And it just might make him think.
I know Scrooge was fiction but it might be worthwhile him watching it.
I abhor meaness.

I am not a landlord but I just don’t get this attitude. People need places to rent. He provides this. If he sold all of his properties, those people would be turfed out, searching for properties, driving rents higher.

in my city there are students who have worked hard to get into the university who have no option but to drop out as there are no flats to rent. None. Whatsoever. If any come on the market there are endless people wanting to view.

the problem is not landlords (although some are appalling, not fixing properties etc). The problem is that there are not enough houses / flats for the people in this country. That is not the fault of landlords. They are not your enemy. Your enemy is nimbies, and house builders who sit on land they could be building on until house prices are high enough. And planning departments. And councils / governments that prioritise tax breaks for the wealthy over building social housing.

you are angry at the wrong people.

He probably sees you as a fling.

But I suspect you started dating him because of his flash cars and nice house? Don't be shallow. You have a child, you need to depend only on yourself. Do things that your £26k salary afford.

It sounds to me like you thought you'd found your meal ticket...

Pay for own hotel

Nothing worse than a mean man. His lack of generosity will not improve with time, and God help being married to someone with this attitude to money. Run, run for the hills!!!

Why would you expect him to ‘go halves’ on something he doesn’t want to do? Go on a spa day on your own if you want one.

Well done OP.

Nothing as unattractive as meanness.

How old is he?
What's the age gap?

Mean types like him look out for a future cheap nurse.

You owe him nothing.
His meanness is who he is.

Move on and well done.

He sounds icky.

Tbf if you've only been together a few months I wouldn't expect him to be flashing the cash on you and your son, and would feel uncomfortable being on the receiving end of experiences way outside my own affordability so early on in a relationship, I think it would massively set up an uneven balance in a relationship in its formative stages.

Perhaps he chooses cheap places so not to make you feel uncomfortable and so there you can be equals rather than you being reliant on him to pay. Obviously I wouldn't expect you to pay half on expensive meals, but if in cheaper places, it's still nice for you to occasionally pick up the entire bill..regardless of his wealth I'm sure he doesn't want to feel like a cash cow.

I dont think you are a gold digger but it does sound like you had certain expectations of a lifestyle for dating a rich man which you have no entitlement to. Likewise you seem to think you can judge how he spends his money....45k is ridiculous on a plate of course but its his money and you have no right to judge him for spending it how he sees fit. Completely different if you were in an established relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if he was deliberately not splashing the cash just to test the waters.

That being said, he does sound dull and I don't blame youfor wanting to dump him. He also sounds like he has more money than sense if he can offload 45k on a frivolous item, I'd find that kind of waste hard to stomach.

Just split up because you don't feel you're suited, that's fine, you don't need a reason not to date someone.
I'd see the constant references to being 'taken out' as a red flag if I were him, though. So probably for the best.

Just be honest with him OP, it’s the best thing to do. I think you’re doing the right thing. I’m well aware people should pay their way but the constant moaning about simple things whilst he has flashy cars and numerous properties would be enough for me to end the relationship.

I find your expectations way too high. Not sure why you expect to go out for meals and spa days and such.
Plus I do understand why he is worrying about money re his properties.

You need to date someone else, someone who meets your expectations and has the money to spend.

Perhaps this is a reverse thread? I find the post a bit weird.

Don’t let him talk you around, OP! Your values are incompatible (you sound fun and he sounds exhaustingly tight!) and he won’t change

You didn't answer the question OP.

Would you be attracted to him without his trappings of wealth. If he didn't even have a car let alone a flash one. ? Lived in a 2 bed terrace and worked in a respectable profession earning about the same as you. ?

Do you fancy him. ?
Does your heart skip a beat at the idea of seeing him. ? Not because you are going out for dinner or 'doing something' - just staying in, cooking together and spending a quiet night at home together. Does that make you excited to see him or bored witless at the thought of it ?

Don't really understand the comment "£25k isn't my whole income". When you literally said you earned £25k ?

It is so worrying the number of posters on this thread who would go down the route of 'proving' to a miserly man that they are not gold diggers. That way lies financial abuse. That way lies abuse in general.

It is SO easy to get sucked into it - into showing a man that you will be a 'good partner' and not be taking 'advantage' of him and all that silly fantasy shit.

The starting point for any relationship is to be yourself, as you are, with your own boundaries and your own values. Knowing your own self worth, and not framing yourself in his terms. Not to be creating new eggshells to tiptoe on.

And ffs, not advising other women to be 'good girls for your man' either.

I don't think you sound like a money grabber because otherwise, surely you'd stay with him if he's a millionaire!!!
It sounds like you value life and want to do nice things and him moaning about microwave rice going up by 9p, isn't compatible to that!

Isn't this indicative of their incompatibility though? If he's never done it before he can be open minded and try it, or if he doesn't fancy it he can suggest something else which isn't a Chinese buffet restaurant.

Hi my DIL is married, husband is rich and as tight as a ducks arse, she had to live with him for 7 yrs before he married her, by then she was 6 months gone with the second baby. Now she is a SAHM with 4 children, 5 horses 3 dogs and he is still tight, her lifestyle is very good, she just takes what she needs out of the account and he does not say a word.

If your man is rich and treats you well stick with him and make yourself valuable, get involved in the business if you can, you will have a very good life that many will envy. So if you love him stick to him.

Completely agree - even when they're struggling this can be quite hard to listen to, but when they're much better off than you, then it's particularly galling.

Get rid Op - your outlook on spending money and living life in general aren't compatible and it'll be nothing but misery for you if you stick with him.