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Original poster

Ending relationship because he is too tight?

291 replies

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:03

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

OP posts:
oohfuckinghell · 30/09/2022 10:53

NippyWoowoo · 29/09/2022 18:45

Ew I find that very off-putting. Unpopular opinion but I shouldn't have to go halves with someone who probably has triple my income Hmm

Why? They may have triple your outgoings too.

Just because someone has more money than you it doesn't mean you're entitled to not pay your way. That's a typical gold digger.

MoCaine · 30/09/2022 10:53

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:03

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

i'm a fella who made an account for advice on a particular issue i had, a lovely woman took the time to reply and helped me with said issue, i lurked around the rest of the forum and read some of the other threads, like the lady who has a newish boyfriend and he wants to invite a female friend to his place for a holiday {get rid ASAP} the young mum who's toddler had to get his leg amputated { my best wishes for you and you son, you are special people}.....then i read your thread, you'd put me off dating someone new that i didn't know.

Ending relationship because he is too tight?
BadNomad · 30/09/2022 10:53

How on your salary with a child can you possibly being paying your half for all these lavish and expensive vacations you want.

Maybe the child's father is also a millionaire.

Goldbar · 30/09/2022 10:55

sheepdogdelight · 30/09/2022 10:49

My point was that I wouldn't be with someone who fundamentally wanted different things to me. Which I think is true of most people?

Show quote history

And I think that's a fair point. But it doesn't make someone a gold digger (which some people seem to be inferring) just because they like nice restaurants, breaks away and expensive holidays (as opposed to cheap buffets and camping) and would like their partner to share these experiences with them. That would only be the case if they expected the other person to pay for it all.

stealthninjamum · 30/09/2022 10:57

Op you don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.

i wouldn’t focus on the money or the fact he’s tight but the fact he doesn’t seem to want to enjoy life or compromise to do the things you enjoy doing

Midlifemusings · 30/09/2022 11:00

Goldbar · 30/09/2022 10:55

And I think that's a fair point. But it doesn't make someone a gold digger (which some people seem to be inferring) just because they like nice restaurants, breaks away and expensive holidays (as opposed to cheap buffets and camping) and would like their partner to share these experiences with them. That would only be the case if they expected the other person to pay for it all.

Show quote history

It is perfectly fine to like expensive restaurants and holidays if you can afford it. It is being a gold digger to like them on someone else's dime.

HotWashCycle · 30/09/2022 11:01

Few things are worse in a man than meanness, and he won't miraculously change into a free-wheeling, generous spirit. So give him a miss and save yourself years of no fun. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Just tell him that his approach to life is too money-oriented for you - that should deal with any suggestion of gold digging!

AchatAVendre · 30/09/2022 11:03

Goldbar · 30/09/2022 10:55

And I think that's a fair point. But it doesn't make someone a gold digger (which some people seem to be inferring) just because they like nice restaurants, breaks away and expensive holidays (as opposed to cheap buffets and camping) and would like their partner to share these experiences with them. That would only be the case if they expected the other person to pay for it all.

Show quote history

On 26k with a child, the OP is hardly going to be living that kind of lifestyle if she is funding it for herself or even paying half. I don't believe her. She wants him to pay for her.

I have a group of friends who are mostly comprised of women who have moved here for marriage. I love my friends, they bring a perspective to my life that I otherwise lack, but oh goodness, they do talk about their husbands in terms of money all the time. Their spending habits are examined in minute detail in conversation about matters which would normally be kept private, how much the home their husband already owned is mentioned all the time, and their future finances commented upon in quite a forensic way which seems quite alien to me. Then again, their husbands made the choice to marry women from outside their local area in fact outside Europe, whom they really didn't know very well and they all seem to be quite happy marriages.

I sometimes think maybe I should have adopted that attitude and pursued a ring on my finger with the multi-millionaire, but I was more into the outdoors and doing stuff for free and enjoying life rather than counting pennies. And DH and I haven't ended up that badly off anyway!

Livinginanotherworld · 30/09/2022 11:12

Run a mile…..there is nothing worse than a miser. They are embarrassing to be out socially with. He won’t change.

Ihearticecream · 30/09/2022 11:16

I wouldn’t bother meeting him. He’s not going to change. It’s just more time of yours wasted if you do.

fluffi · 30/09/2022 11:25

He's not tight, you have different priorities. He likes cars and spending his money on them and you like experiences like eating out and holidays. The cost of living is affecting everyone right now, regardless of income we are have less disposable income (or no disposable income at all now), so of course he's going to talk about it.

I wouldn't bother to meet though. Stick to you aren't compatible and want different lifestyles.

Spanielsarepainless · 30/09/2022 11:26

You don't need to explain. Just say it's been interesting being with him but the relationship doesn't work for you.

Bollindger · 30/09/2022 11:27

Right now you have nothing to lose.
Tell him your not after his money, and you know he will spend out on his cars, but the way he is with normal life is killing the romance for you.
Tell him your on much less money than him but your willing to pay out for things and that his way is giving you the ick.
Ask him why his previous relationships have ended?
Ask him if he really thinks being so tight is getting him anywhere?
Say all you want is to not have to penny pinch or compromise on things.
Ask if maybe he could set a budget for doing things, maybe £1k a month for a trial and see if he can see an improvement.

Sandra1984 · 30/09/2022 11:37

Bollindger · 30/09/2022 11:27

Right now you have nothing to lose.
Tell him your not after his money, and you know he will spend out on his cars, but the way he is with normal life is killing the romance for you.
Tell him your on much less money than him but your willing to pay out for things and that his way is giving you the ick.
Ask him why his previous relationships have ended?
Ask him if he really thinks being so tight is getting him anywhere?
Say all you want is to not have to penny pinch or compromise on things.
Ask if maybe he could set a budget for doing things, maybe £1k a month for a trial and see if he can see an improvement.

😫

Sounds like he needs to do an A level to date her. Relationships should be easy and fun, specially at the beginning. These people are not on the same page. He'll die alone rich with 5 cars in the garage and she would have moved on to someone who loves and cherishes her. Two people looking for different things in life. Is not going to work.

Forfukzsake · 30/09/2022 11:38

If he is a landlord with 80 properties he is morally repugnant. Would he become nice if he paid for your spa days?

eldora · 30/09/2022 11:40

Forfukzsake · 30/09/2022 11:38

If he is a landlord with 80 properties he is morally repugnant. Would he become nice if he paid for your spa days?

The Royal Family are raking in £2.8m pa in rent money, I hope this moral repugnance extends to them too.

Sandra1984 · 30/09/2022 11:42

Forfukzsake · 30/09/2022 11:38

If he is a landlord with 80 properties he is morally repugnant. Would he become nice if he paid for your spa days?

He's probably one of those rogue landlords. If he's like that to his partner I can't imagine how he's like with tenants.

shudders

MiseryWIthAStent · 30/09/2022 11:45

I think gold diggers don't do halves 😅 you can go halves with anyone, so why would she need someone specifically rich for it

happiertimes123 · 30/09/2022 11:46

candycaneframe · 29/09/2022 18:53

That's the definition of a gold digger

You don't seem to get that

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It's a gold digger to pay for yourself? What?

Crazykatie · 30/09/2022 11:49

If he really did spend £45k on a car number plate, you need to have the confidence to stand your ground and go insist on going to a decent restaurant or hotel, either he respects your wishes or you walk away.

If he values your company you will get your way, more importantly he will realise that you are not just a cheap date.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 30/09/2022 11:51

liveforsummer · 30/09/2022 07:22

Not to me, I've known people like this myself. Not unbelievable in the slightest.

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Yes, if I didn't know better, I'd have thought the OP was talking about one of our friends, who is an absolute skinflint about everything, except his classic cars and personalized number-plates. He is notorious in our group about his unwillingness to pay even his own fair share, let alone for his wife or anyone else!

AchatAVendre · 30/09/2022 11:53

Bollindger Ask if maybe he could set a budget for doing things, maybe £1k a month for a trial and see if he can see an improvement.

Are you head of the golddigger's union or something? Grin

A set budget of £1000 a month for dates in a relatively new relationship, agreed upon between each party. Um, well, thats certainly novel. How romantic!

I really must have done it wrong. Theres me being happy with a netflix n' chill and occasional Mexican, when I could have been demanding at least 1k a month of dates!

And what with the OP so keen to pay half of everything, that £1000 a month on dating is going to cost her around 22% of her entire take home pay!

Sandra1984 · 30/09/2022 11:56

@Bollindger why his previous relationships have ended?

Doesn't sound like he has much going on for himself. He sounds boring, self centered, never been married, never had children, not generous at all and his idea of having a good time is taking his partner to a 6 pound Chinese buffet. The only thing he has going on for him is lots of money and he's not even willing to share a dime so not even that. He's not attracting the non gold diggers with a zest for life nor gold diggers per se. I hope he's good looking and amazing in bed otherwise he's doomed.

bluegreygreen · 30/09/2022 11:59

OP has said that 26k 'is not [her] only income'.

This explains the holidays and spa days a little more - and may also explain why her boyfriend doesn't want to pay for everything.

Bollindger · 30/09/2022 12:03

Dates meaning more than one in a month.
The OP has nothing to loose in being upfront with the guy,
If you really like someone why wouldn't you be open with them?
Why can't you be an adult and tell them, that if your prepared to pay for things that they should also be prepared to do so. I mean a millionaire cocklodger isn't a good thing.