Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ending relationship because he is too tight?

291 replies

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:03

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

OP posts:
TabithaTittlemouse · 29/09/2022 22:23

What attracted you to him?

Why do you think that he owes you these things?

Original poster
Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 22:50

Haven’t read everything yet but he wanted to date me for years and i always said no because of the age gap. He kept offering to spoil me blardy blah and I was never interested. I finally gave in a few months ago and went for a drink with him and we got on really well and had a good laugh.

I have told him and he’s not having none of it and wants to the know the exact reason why.

OP posts:
GorillaTape · 29/09/2022 22:52

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 22:50

Haven’t read everything yet but he wanted to date me for years and i always said no because of the age gap. He kept offering to spoil me blardy blah and I was never interested. I finally gave in a few months ago and went for a drink with him and we got on really well and had a good laugh.

I have told him and he’s not having none of it and wants to the know the exact reason why.

How much of an age gap?

Original poster
Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 22:57

@GorillaTape 17 years.

I feel really bad now he hasn’t taken it well at all!

OP posts:
GorillaTape · 29/09/2022 22:59

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 22:57

@GorillaTape 17 years.

I feel really bad now he hasn’t taken it well at all!

how old are you?

Longdistance · 29/09/2022 23:09

Mean with money, mean with love.

Stripedbag101 · 29/09/2022 23:15

You just aren’t suited.

its fine that he doesn’t want to splash money on restaurants and hotels. We all have different priorities.

you clearly did value him for his money. He wasn’t willing to splash it on you.

best to find out now.

you just have very different priorities.

BecauseICan22 · 29/09/2022 23:16

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:28

I’m on 26k a year he’s a millionaire with no kids I have a young son. Why on earth should I be offering to pay for us to go away. I’ll pay for myself that’s it. I’m going to text him now before he calls me.

Yeah, you're definitely not well matched. If he saw a serious future with you, he wouldn't think twice about spending money on you. He's not seeing you as a longterm fixture.

What do you like about him? How long have you been together?

Also think just because he's a 'millionaire' doesn't mean he should easily part with his money if he doesn't want to. Unless he inherited it all, he's clearly worked hard.

BecauseICan22 · 29/09/2022 23:17

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:37

@arethereanyleftatall how am I a goldigger? If someone is earning way more than the other person do you not think they should pay for majority of things? I’ve probably spent more on him since we’ve been together. He had no presents from anyone on his birthday I went out and brought him loads.

He’s took me to a few buffet Chineses and pubs!

What did you buy him? Does he not have any family?
And no I don't think higher earnings mean majority paying, especially if you're just dating and not married/in a serious longterm relationship.

BecauseICan22 · 29/09/2022 23:23

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 22:50

Haven’t read everything yet but he wanted to date me for years and i always said no because of the age gap. He kept offering to spoil me blardy blah and I was never interested. I finally gave in a few months ago and went for a drink with him and we got on really well and had a good laugh.

I have told him and he’s not having none of it and wants to the know the exact reason why.

I think he should dump you for saying 'blardy blah', why do YOU think he wants you?

You're not coming across well at all.

America12 · 29/09/2022 23:27

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2022 18:34

It's very possible he's treated you this way on purpose, to find out if you're a gold digger or not. Looks like he'll discover he was right to.

She says she'll pay for herself.

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 29/09/2022 23:28

He won’t pay his half of holidays, dump him, what a miserable life.

Scuttlingherbert · 29/09/2022 23:35

I think you're getting a completely unreasonable hard time here.
You're definitely not a gold digger, entitled or anything else.

The only explanation I can find for some of the responses is either people being deliberately contrary wind up merchants or incels.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 29/09/2022 23:42

Does he own the properties outright, or are they mortgaged buy to let?
Given all that's going on right now with cost of living, he may be extremely worried about his financial position. If he's got mortgages his monthly payments per mortgage could be about to rocket, across 80 potential properties thats a staggering ammount extra.
Even if he owns outright, how many of his 80 tenants might hit the point of not being able to pay rent? Does he let out for a set price per month with utilities included rather than tenants pay their own? If so he's now got to absorb up to 80 properties with of higher energy costs.

Or it may simply be he doesn't value the same things as you. Why spend money to stay at a hotel when you have your own home with no kids and all the home comforts? Or pay over the odds for the top end hotel to effectively just sleep there when a cheaper hotel is more than adequate/comfortable. Why pay for expensive restaurants if you enjoy the food at cheaper places?

Offering to pay your half is all well and good, but you're still expecting him to pay more for his half than he wants/sees the need to. Why would/should he pay £30 for a main meal for himself when he's happy with the £10 buffet? Or pay £150 for his half of a fancy hotel room if he's happy in a £70 room? Why don't you pay the whole cost if that's where YOU want to go, rather than it being his/joint choice? Realistically you want him to 50% subsidise you to experience the higher end/more expensive hotels and restaurants, and ideally you would want him to pay the whole bill to "treat" you, just because he's a higher earner than you.

CantGetDecentNickname · 29/09/2022 23:46

If he is demanding a straight answer, you could give him the truth. I’d just tell him “money is your god, it’s the thing you care about most and it’s unattractive to me. We’re very different people and it’s not working for me so it’s over.”

He can argue anything he likes after that, if one person decides it’s over then it is, you don’t need permission from the other. He will not be able to change even if he promises to do so.

Blahdeebla · 29/09/2022 23:58

You don't sound like you actually like him anyway.

PartnerInCrime · 30/09/2022 00:12

I can’t believe some of the responses on this thread. I’m pretty sound financially, but I’m just pissed off by misers. It’s not a nice trait. Bin him and don’t look back.

GorillaTape · 30/09/2022 00:12

Blahdeebla · 29/09/2022 23:58

You don't sound like you actually like him anyway.

100%. Going with the guy for his perceived wealth of which she gets none of.

older men tend not to buy new furniture in my experience.

flashy cars yes.

LondonWolf · 30/09/2022 06:07

BarrelOfOtters · 29/09/2022 19:20

This thread is bizarre. You ain’t a gold digger.

So many MNetters love the chance to tell others they're "grabby" or "gold diggers". It's quite odd.

hadtochangetothisone · 30/09/2022 06:21

This thread IS bonkers in that some posters do not seem to realise the OPs aspirations for 'the next holiday and spa day' do not match her financial abilities.

Her earnings of 25k simply do not match her expected lifestyle - but expects her boyfriend of a few months to fund these desires.

Ask yourself this OP. Imagine your boyfriend didn't have the flash car and the nice house. Just earned the same as you and nice hotels /holidays were just not on the cards . Would hie have anything about him you would find attractive?

You honestly sound like his money and the lifestyle he COULD provide for you if he so chose to do so - is the difference between wanting to be with him or not. Rather than his personality.

Bananasweetlady · 30/09/2022 06:32

Eurgh what would put me off is him being a multiple property private landlord. Those people have no souls ,OP! Dump him for that reason alone..

red4321 · 30/09/2022 06:41

how am I a goldigger? If someone is earning way more than the other person do you not think they should pay for majority of things? I’ve probably spent more on him since we’ve been together. He had no presents from anyone on his birthday I went out and brought him loads.

No I don't think the higher income person should pay more in the first few months of a relationship. Halves is the fair approach.

While his tightness sounds frustrating, I also think you're perhaps expecting too much financially at this point given you're not been dating long. I suspect he may be slightly testing the reasons you're with him.

Either way. I think I'd move on.

red4321 · 30/09/2022 06:47

Eurgh what would put me off is him being a multiple property private landlord. Those people have no souls ,OP! Dump him for that reason alone..

Tangential to the main thread but can I present an alternative view? I was viewing a flat in London yesterday and the rental market in this area has been crazy for the last 18 months.

Not nearly enough rental stock so monthly rents have soared by several hundred pounds a week/month. My agent usually has 80 properties available to rent on his books at any one time. He's had an average of two this year.

Rental landlords are providing a service. Many are selling up as the regime is becoming less and less attractive. You could argue that they inflated property prices at one time by increasing demand, but the prices in the area I'm looking to buy have fallen by 20% over the past 7 years.

I'm not a landlord but I wouldn't dump someone if they were (!).

Original poster
Lucasmamax · 30/09/2022 06:49

@hadtochangetothisone not true I’ve been on holiday twice this year! And me and my girl friends do spa days now and again. My salary isn’t my only income.

i wasn’t bothered about the flash cars, please remember I have spent a decent amount of time with him. He lives over an hour away and I enjoy going to stay with him.

but as I said it’s the meanness and penny pinching on everything that’s sucking the fun out of things.

also yes I understand the interest rates are going up on mortgages and he has a lot. However he was tight before this increase.

OP posts:
SnoozyLucy7 · 30/09/2022 06:49

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:11

I’m definitely done I just don’t know how to word it and don’t want to hurt his feelings.

“I am sorry, this not working out for me. Wishing you all the best”.

Swipe left for the next trending thread