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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ending relationship because he is too tight?

291 replies

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:03

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

OP posts:
Shittytittybangbang · 29/09/2022 19:23

He didn’t get rich spending money!

theresnouseingrumpin · 29/09/2022 19:25

Get rid

roarfeckingroarr · 29/09/2022 19:31

Nothing worse than a mean man. Find someone else OP.

CatchersAndDreams · 29/09/2022 19:35

Get rid. Fuck that.

You don't sound like a gold digger either. If you were you'd be trying to marry him.

balalake · 29/09/2022 19:37

End the relationship. You deserve someone with priorities nearer to yours.

Upsidedownagain · 29/09/2022 19:48

Perhaps he is wealthy because he knows how to watch his spending? Maybe he is asset rich, cash poor?

Whatever, you don't need to keep seeing him. I agree stinginess is an unattractive trait, although it's not impossible that I would comment on a 9p rise! But I wouldn't refuse to go somewhere fun.

If you like him in other ways though, you could try pointing out that he never seems to want to spend money and that you find it off putting. Maybe he is genuinely worried about it and doesn't realise its affecting you?

liveforsummer · 29/09/2022 19:54

Can't believe anyone is calling you a gold digger when you only want to pay your share of something you do with partner who earns around 40 times your salary 😆. Crazy! You sound incompatible and I'd probably just tell go that. Say you want someone who will join you in enjoying for and having fun and he doesn't appear to want to do any of that!

Houseplantmad · 29/09/2022 19:57

He sounds dire so run. I’d let him know that his fiscal tightness is not remotely attractive. It won’t get better, just worse!

mamabear715 · 29/09/2022 20:00

eeewww horrible. Yeah, just say you're not suited. If he presses for more, tell him life's about more than a 9p increase in rice.. :-0

Oblomov22 · 29/09/2022 20:01

Being tight money wise is a very unattractive trait.

BoxcarMilly · 29/09/2022 20:02

I agree that you're financially incompatible. Time to call it a day.

bigbeautifulmonster · 29/09/2022 20:08

Anyone else read the heading with a totally different idea of what op was referring to? 🙈

whoamI00 · 29/09/2022 20:12

Just end the relationship. I just hate anyone who is too tight. I can't be a friend with them either.

Ragwort · 29/09/2022 20:12

Get rid, he sounds mean and a cheapskate. You don't need to give him a reason or worry about hurting his feelings, just say 'I don't feel our relationship is working out, best we go our separate ways. Goodbye'.

End of.

FinallyHere · 29/09/2022 20:16

happy to go half’s but he doesn’t want to spend a penny unless he has too.

You are not compatible. It's not working for you, is it? Sooner you bail the better.

Don't waste your life bothering to demonstrate to a miser that you are not a gold digger. Just don't.

Takingturnstogether · 29/09/2022 20:21

Can you talk to him about it? My DH and I had different attitudes to what was reasonable to spend on things. But we have talked about it and have both changed a bit. These things don't have to be a deal-breaker if people can discuss them and both be open to change.

2bazookas · 29/09/2022 20:22

Why don't you book a weekend away , or dinner at a nice restaurant, and pay for the kind you like?

If you expect to be paid for all the time then you are a gold digger.

Blowthemandown · 29/09/2022 20:22

@Lucasmamax always paid half even if they earn more. On a few occasions have allowed them to treat me or have treated them.

FreddyHG · 29/09/2022 20:23

End it. Although I can see things from his viewpoint. There are far too many spendthrifts especially on here who expect to be subsidized when they haven't bothered to go out get the education and take risks to be successful. I earn 5 times my partner yet it is often them who spend the biggest money on food shopping buying the branded products and wanting to go out for take away whereas I go to Aldi. It's often the poorest who have some of the worst spending habits.

HadEnough798 · 29/09/2022 20:23

VioletInsolence · 29/09/2022 18:57

No that’s a normal opinion I should think….this thread is just bonkers!

Show quote history

No way - maybe you pay more once you're in a settled relationship and you know for sure you're staying together - but not in the early stages. Going halves initially is important (or at least offering) otherwise you don't enter the relationship as equals.

It's about the intention. He's not obliged to pay more for the privilege of dating the OP... if he's 'taken her' to some chinese buffets - has she also 'taken him' to some Chinese buffets as well? She's complaining that it's not enough - what has she offered in return?

And clearly - since she's said she's gonna break up with him - it's just as well he didn't waste his money.

dotty636 · 29/09/2022 20:26

I could have written this a year ago I was in the same situ he was soooo stingey it was so embarrassing I hope his initials isn't L.A

Cosmos123 · 29/09/2022 20:27

If this is a honeymoon period god know how unbearable he will become.
You not suited. Move on.

ImpartialMongoose · 29/09/2022 20:29

Quite a few blokes posting on this thread it seems

LadyLolaRuben · 29/09/2022 20:30

I wouldn't like that attitude either OP. You aren't compatible. That behaviour will be the reason he's single. I'd end it and tell him why - different attitudes to life. Let us know how it goes

MintJulia · 29/09/2022 20:40

TheRubyRedshoes · 29/09/2022 18:28

By being honest you would be doing him a favour.
Say you don't like how tight he ism

This. Definitely be honest, tell him his meanness is very unattractive. He may not realise. It could be he comes from a family background where it was not normal to eat out anywhere more expensive.

He may not want to go on a spa day. I'm not sure I know many men who would enjoy that.

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