Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ending relationship because he is too tight?

291 replies

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:03

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we get on well. However he is extremely tight! He is a property landlord and owns just over 80 properties.

he is constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and electric it’s exhausting. Won’t take me to a nice hotel or nothing he will not pay over £70 for a hotel!

he continually takes me to crappy cheap Chinese restaurants.

His house is beautiful but full of crappy old furniture but then he has super flash cars.

I’m over it! Usually when I start dating someone it’s fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price.

Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?

OP posts:
Antaboo · 30/09/2022 06:51

What will you tell him OP now you've ended it?

I think it would be educational to hear his response to your reasons.

For what it's worth, and without knowing your exact situation and history with this man, my advice would have been to end it for your own self respect.

Original poster
Lucasmamax · 30/09/2022 06:54

He spent 45k on a private plate last week! Forgot to add. He will spend a fortune on cars and private plates but then will moan about the little things. Makes no sense!

however I have told him now but he wants to meet today to speak.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 30/09/2022 06:54

Meanness and tightness are not nice traits . I'm with OP and would quit this relationship. Tight people are not popular and listening to someone always winging about money and prices is exhausting.

3rdtimeisacharm · 30/09/2022 06:55

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 22:50

Haven’t read everything yet but he wanted to date me for years and i always said no because of the age gap. He kept offering to spoil me blardy blah and I was never interested. I finally gave in a few months ago and went for a drink with him and we got on really well and had a good laugh.

I have told him and he’s not having none of it and wants to the know the exact reason why.

I hope you told him the real reason?

"I just feel like it's not really working for me anymore. I like to go out and do nice things, take trips away and go to nice restaurants and it seems that you're not really interested in doing it all with me, so I'd like to find someone who is"

I dated a guy once from work - I was a graduate and he was a senior manager earning quadruple my wage, but he let me pay for everything. The last straw for me was when he suggested going away for a weekend and he even found the Airbnb. And when I suggested going halves he decided he no longer wanted to go. I wasn't a golddigger, he was just fucking tight.

C1N1C · 30/09/2022 06:55

He's dodging a bullet.

liveforsummer · 30/09/2022 07:01

I had an ex that was like this too. So tight but obsessed with his fancy car that you were scared to get in for fear of leaving a grain of dirt or a button touching the paintwork as you were getting in. I remember him taking me out for my birthday and it was just stressful making sure I paid exactly my half for everything. He even got a bit sulky after we'd paid the bill by card splitting then I didn't have any cash on me ti contribute to a tip (that probably wouldn't have been left if I hadn't said anything). It didn't last long after that. It's not a fun way to exist.

KangFang · 30/09/2022 07:03

I would just message him and say that it's over.
He might not ask why but if he does just tell him he's really tight.
Then block and delete.
Job done.

User112 · 30/09/2022 07:04

Lucasmamax · 29/09/2022 18:28

I’m on 26k a year he’s a millionaire with no kids I have a young son. Why on earth should I be offering to pay for us to go away. I’ll pay for myself that’s it. I’m going to text him now before he calls me.

You want a life style you cannot afford and want him to fund it for you.

he is not tight, he is sensible with his money. the reason he has money is because he doesn’t wAste it !!

User112 · 30/09/2022 07:05

liveforsummer · 30/09/2022 07:01

I had an ex that was like this too. So tight but obsessed with his fancy car that you were scared to get in for fear of leaving a grain of dirt or a button touching the paintwork as you were getting in. I remember him taking me out for my birthday and it was just stressful making sure I paid exactly my half for everything. He even got a bit sulky after we'd paid the bill by card splitting then I didn't have any cash on me ti contribute to a tip (that probably wouldn't have been left if I hadn't said anything). It didn't last long after that. It's not a fun way to exist.

How sad! If paying your half was a problem, you should have paid in full and let him do the tip in cash?

liveforsummer · 30/09/2022 07:06

he is not tight, he is sensible with his money. the reason he has money is because he doesn’t wAste it !!

He's just spent 45k on a number plate ffs. He's not sensible with money at all. He's just an Uber grown kid with some weird priorities (that he's entitled to of course) that aren't compatible with what op is looking for. Nowhere has she said she expects him to pay her share, just that she'd like to do things and that she shouldn't have to pay for both of them which is fair

nancydroo · 30/09/2022 07:09

You don't sound like a gold digger. If he's a property millionaire, his outgoings must be massive! Sounds quite stressful but if he's a bit stingy too that doesn't sound much fun. Maybe you can still be friends after he comes to terms with the split.

liveforsummer · 30/09/2022 07:10

How sad! If paying your half was a problem, you should have paid in full and let him do the tip in cash?

Paying my half wasn't a problem (although if I took a partner out for their birthday I'd 100% pay for the meal and the tip) it was the quibbling over a couple of £ that was unattractive and the comments when my drink was £1 more than his on his round so I ended up changing what I was drinking when he was ordering as it was awkward.

BellePeppa · 30/09/2022 07:13

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2022 18:32

You're literally the definition of a gold digger.
He should be very happy if you break it off.
Let him find someone not just after his money

Show quote history

I don’t think you know the definition of a gold digger. She is happy to pay her own way she just doesn’t like how he counts every penny and is unwilling to spend anything to enjoy life a bit. People who are tight with their money tend to be tight with everything else when it comes to giving - be it money, time, emotions, caring etc. There’s a difference between being practical and budgeting and being a miser.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/09/2022 07:14

This thread is so odd. A person, who wants to do nice things with a boyfriend /partner, who can easily afford to do said things is not a gold digger. He sounds incredibly boring and would be a nightmare long term.

SleeplessInEngland · 30/09/2022 07:16

He's just spent 45k on a number plate ffs.

Yes, it’s almost unbelievable, wouldn’t you say?

olddustbag · 30/09/2022 07:19

SleeplessInEngland · 30/09/2022 07:16

He's just spent 45k on a number plate ffs.

Yes, it’s almost unbelievable, wouldn’t you say?

Company investment like Pimlico plumbers
his number plate buying is famous and they are a company asset that has increased in value

BadNomad · 30/09/2022 07:22

He doesn't want to spend money on things he doesn't enjoy. There's nothing wrong with that. Money spent on things you don't like is a waste. The same way you probably think him spending 45k on a car is a waste. But it's not to him. Your likes and dislikes are just not compatible.

liveforsummer · 30/09/2022 07:22

SleeplessInEngland · 30/09/2022 07:16

He's just spent 45k on a number plate ffs.

Yes, it’s almost unbelievable, wouldn’t you say?

Not to me, I've known people like this myself. Not unbelievable in the slightest.

Itsacafe · 30/09/2022 07:29

Hmm, when you say he's a 'millionaire,' do you mean in terms of property assets? This doesn't mean he has multi-millions in cash, just sat there. Maybe he has property worth millions, but also mortgages on some / all of those - ie. a situation where he makes a small profit on each property after the mortgages and other costs are considered? I don't know, just wondering. On paper, my DH owns similar, but there are obviously high costs and risks.

Also, it's quite common for some men to see the point in things like cars, but then have crap furniture. This is just how they are. Again, my DH is like this. If I didn't buy the furniture and that type of thing, the house would look crap.

£45k for a private plane? This type of thing annoys me as there is no need. Was he sharing the cost of the plane with friends? DH is sometimes in this position and they get carried away, but personally, I think it's a) unnecessary b) obscene c) an environmental disaster d) a load of bollocks.

However.... regardless of how much actual disposable income he may or may not have, he should WANT to be treating you on dates. What is wrong with him? Call me old fashioned (but he sounds more my age to be fair) he should be paying for most things - not because he has more money, but because he a man and it's the gentlemanly thing to do on dates. You say he's been chasing you for a while - well, all the more so! I couldn't be doing with these wet men.

If he's like this now, imagine what he'll be like in ten years. It could be he is non- NT and gets obsessive about certain petty details snd needs help, but all in all, it sounds like you have the measure of him OP. Go with your gut instinct.

CatchersAndDreams · 30/09/2022 07:30

My grandparents were friends with a stingy millionaire. The husband would moan at his wife for buying herself a coffee and she'd never buy a cake. They had 10plus year old meat they had bought on special buys in the freezer. Wouldn't wash dishes in hot water to save money - but would buy a new car every two years and go on cruises. He was one of those men who would pay for things to impress ( new car, cruise every year to brag to his friends) but wouldn't let his wife buy a cake when having a coffee with my nan. Fuck having a miserable life like that.

donttellmehesalive · 30/09/2022 07:35

If you know it's over, why meet? It'll just be an awkward conversation in which you're forced to pull punches out of politeness and he tries to persuade you to change your mind.

Are you hoping he will say that he'll be more generous from now on? Would that be enough to change your mind?

Rainbowqueeen · 30/09/2022 07:38

Yuck I’d ditch him too OP. He has shown you what life would be like with him. He has no interest in your feelings or building a mutually respectful and enjoyable relationship.

Don’t listen to what he has to say. He has shown you who he is. Believe that.

JanesBond · 30/09/2022 07:44

Just say this the meanness and penny pinching on everything that’s sucking the fun out of things.

Noteverybodylives · 30/09/2022 07:45

You two just aren’t compatible.

You have given it a go, even though you weren’t really into him and it didn’t work.

Just tell him it’s not working out as you see him more of a friend and that it’s over.

MrsClarkandPercy · 30/09/2022 07:50

You have such different perspectives. What even is the compatibility between you? This will never work. It's not a question of judging him or you. It's his money, his prerogative to mind it. Similarly your choice what you do. But what won't work is one person having expectations of the other and getting annoyed when they aren't met.

Personally yes I think he sounds too tight, and I very much doubt he'll change.

Just simply say so sorry but it's not working out.

I'd avoid going into why. Pointless waste of energy and may leave you upset.

Swipe left for the next trending thread