To not understand why double barrel surnames are so wrong/bizarre to some people?

[CarsonViolet]

So I recently registered the birth of my first child and gave him a double barelled surname. His name layout is Daniel Eric (My surname) (DHs surname). (None of these are actually my son's name just an example!)

In laws were visiting yesterday and were having a look at his birth certificate and were disappointed to see the surname. We did tell them that my name would be in there but apparently they just assumed it was a middle name 🙄

Cue all the 'concerns' and old fashioned twaddle about "It's just nicer and easier" and "what happens when he marries someone with a double barrel name" blah blah blah.

Am I being silly to have assumed that this crap was dead? Sure people have their own opinions on what they would personally do but to tell other people off about it?

Wanted a rant more than anything tbh but I just find it so bizarre that women wanting to share a surname with the child they carried and birthed is still contentious to some people 🤔

The time for you to have posted that was before you treated us to several paragraphs of batshit about how pretentious you think it is. Someone who doesn't think it's a big issue would not have done that.

😂
The same way couples now decide which name(s) will be ditched? By discussion and their preference?
Those are two totally normal names btw. Imagine having a fit over someone being called Smith-Jones.

Yanbu

Its misogyny plain and simple.

I judge anyone who would judge a double barrelled name. I have no time for the faux ignorance about what do you do when they get married... or claims its pretentious.... absolute bollocks! its disingenuous and merely a ruse to cover their misogyny.

I've just read about the Spanish system. I can see it avoids multiple names but it only allows for the the name from maternal side to remain for 1 generation.

It's not a legal requirement, nowadays also in Spain you can choose which names to keep or ditch.

Exactly this.

It literally comes down to one simple question. Would you rather give your adult DC options, or would you rather enforce patriarchy on them since birth?

So forced patriarchal traditions are better than giving adults a choice in what their own name should be? Okay....

Once again, this is a false dichotomy. Why do you keep parroting it?

Every "DC" has options. You can change your name to whatever you want.

I double barrelled my sons name with my surname and my partners. We aren't married and I wanted to carry on my surname, have since met school mums who also aren't married who have automatically given their children the fathers surname. It hadn't even occurred to them to use their own surname.
I particularly find it weird if people question it, I'm the one who grew and gave birth to the child, I think I should be able to pass on my name!

Indeed! I hadn't read much of the thread in detail, but chuckled when I saw this.

I do, personally, happen to think it's a big issue. It's just one more social indication as to how men's identities are valued, as is 'passing down the family name', whereas women's (in the UK at least) don't matter. It's quite okay for them to relinquish their own family identity and become an adjunct to a man on marriage.

I've lost count of the number of comments on MN that a woman's family name is deemed to be her father's name, without acknowledgement that if the mother adopted that name on marriage then it's her name too.

I have a very large list of things I consider to be 'small stuff'; the kind of thing you don't sweat. This is actually quite important. Calling someone by their correct name is about as basic a courtesy as you can really get.

My kids have two surnames (no hyphen). When they get to the age where they want to have kids or get married or whatever they can make their own choices. If they want to drop a name or change it to Smith I don't care because they will be making the decision for themselves. I know a few Portuguese families who have more than two surnames as well as Chilean and Spanish families where they either follow the tradition of keeping the male surname for their children or are now starting to do their own thing. Nobody is massively confused in lots of other naming cultures which are often a lot more complex than two surnames.

It literally comes down to one simple question. Would you rather give your adult DC options, or would you rather enforce patriarchy on them since birth?

Err.. no it doesn't! For example you could choose a new family surname or choose maternal surname

Do tell me what class I'm in as I'm soon to be an unmarried parent. I'm intrigued?

Yes my FIL was similar. All this fuss about the "family name"

I'm tempted to write cards to them under completely the wrong name. It's fucking rude.

Not rtft but can't figure out why people find this so ridiculous. When ds was born we weren't married, so ds has my surname and at the time dps surname. We also live abroad and I'm very very aware of the potential difficulties of me trying to register ds for certain things if I didn't share his surname. Lots of people in similar situations.
Also surely in this day and age women aren't expected to give up their name, and after carrying and birthing a child it's well within the womans rights to want her child to bear the same name as her.

Interesting.

In my experience it's the opposite. The women who insist on double barrelled names and indeed the men that are in favour tend to be better educated and consequently a higher class as a result. Common sense really.

Oh, believe me, I've been half-tempted to send her cards addressed to the exact same Mrs Hisname title she bestowed upon me. It might be DHs name and title, but it's also her ex-husband (FiL's) title as she's now divorced and remarried with a different name.

She used that name for many years, I never have, so she has more of a claim to it than I do! The only reason I didn't is that I had no intention of sinking to her petty level. PA isn't me - if I have a problem I prefer direct communication (in the end I had to confront her directly for many more serious issues than this).

BUT even so -- wouldn't it have been a belter? 😂

My kids have a double barrel surname, no-ones ever said anything about it. It was either that or they just had my surname and I imagine I would have got more complaints about that. Some people are just funny about keeping traditions.

I think it depends
If your surnames are Cholmondeley and Hetiarachchi, it would be ridiculous to put them together as your child (nor anyone else`) is going to be able to spell, pronounce it or write it on something official.

Some names just don't go together either - my husband and my original surname sound wrong, there's no flow to them at all and individually they are not phonetically spelt.

If you have shortish common names, I don't see any reason not to, but it's much easier to all have the same family name.

Agree. We had all this. My DS’s name is Joe Bloggs MySurname-DHsurname.

If anything I find the tradition of giving the child the man’s name to be the mad one. The woman carries the child, gives birth and then - let’s face it - usually does most of the childcare and the wife work for 18+ years - like hell was my child not having my name!

@alanabennett no, I’m married to my DH, as are our other friends who double barrelled. And all the wives, me included, kept our own surnames.

People are bloody weird in general about the names of children who are not their own. I don't understand why grandparents, friends etc think it's any of their business! Like, you've had your turn at naming kids, Grandma; let someone else have a go.

All the people going 'but you end up with 6 last names in a few generations'
Or you know, people spend a day or so pondering it and pick a variation that sounds nice etc. What an inconvenience, that thinking slightly outside the box lark. My god, what a disruption it will be, wont someone thinking of the children, forced to starve whilst their parents agonise for weeks over deciding last names then setenced to a lifetime of it taking 5 more seconds to fill in an online form and unimaginative people thinking their last name is pretentious!
Oh wait.

There is another option! People will have 6 surnames and it will cause untold confusion such as:

Jane: And how do you spell your last name?
Susan: Jones-Tyler-Stevens-Edwards-Hunt-Dyer
Jane: Huh, thats unusual. Okay appointment booked.

See how devastating this was for Susan and Jane, how it caused so many issues! 😆

All this bullshite about it being pretentious and the such like. I'm mid 50's and have been double barrelled my whole life. When my daughter was born out of wedlock ( clutch those pearls all you DM readers) we chose one of my names and her dads last name and she has a unique surname. I married recently and kept one of my last names and adopted my DH as the other.
It never caused any problems and saying it causes problems with emails is just absurd. Would you say that to a colleague with a name that's double or triple barrelled as the are from a Mediterranean, African or South American country? If you would you need a long hard look in the mirror as to why

Names are personal and we can do with them as we wish.... to call people pretentious and hard work because their choice is not as simple as yours would be?

For a number of years it's been recognized that marriage is a marker of privilege. If you Google it's there's lots of articles and studies cited. Here is just one:

amp.spectator.co.uk/article/forget-race-or-class-marriage-is-the-big-social-divide/amp

Having parents who are married to each other is pretty determinative of your educational/income trajectory. Of course, there are always exceptions, eg. parents who have been widowed, but the data is there.