To not understand why double barrel surnames are so wrong/bizarre to some people?

[CarsonViolet]

So I recently registered the birth of my first child and gave him a double barelled surname. His name layout is Daniel Eric (My surname) (DHs surname). (None of these are actually my son's name just an example!)

In laws were visiting yesterday and were having a look at his birth certificate and were disappointed to see the surname. We did tell them that my name would be in there but apparently they just assumed it was a middle name 🙄

Cue all the 'concerns' and old fashioned twaddle about "It's just nicer and easier" and "what happens when he marries someone with a double barrel name" blah blah blah.

Am I being silly to have assumed that this crap was dead? Sure people have their own opinions on what they would personally do but to tell other people off about it?

Wanted a rant more than anything tbh but I just find it so bizarre that women wanting to share a surname with the child they carried and birthed is still contentious to some people 🤔

My unborn child is getting a double barrelled name. Im not growing this baby for 9 months to have to compromise on its first name AND give up my surname. Equally its my partners child and he gets a say in the name as well. Ergo double barrelling solves the issue. The child can then choose whatever surname it wants for its future offspring. Works in other cultures. Its only the hard of thinking who believe its an issue and sooo difficult to work out.

I double barrelled my DDs. Why should just my husband pass his name on.
People can learn to type/spell two names. Not that hard

The kids can decide what to do when they are older. It might be that in our case his husband/wife wants to take on his surname, she/he might want to add to it or he might want to take on their name. We would always say it's up to him. In our culture/circles it's not unusual to have really long names my husbands is his name, his dads first name, his middle name, confirmation name (he took it as a legal name when we married) then a double barrelled surname. In reality he uses his first name + surname but it's nice to have that history.

DS is his first name, husbands first name, his middle name followed by doubled surname he will pick his confirmation name soon.

What he picks if and when he gets married is up to him

I think in most cases the sensible thing to do is to give the child the mother's name as she has carried and birthed it (and its bloody hard work). I gave my DC my partner's name but only because my own name is associated with an unpleasant historical figure and is also generally used to describe their horrible behaviour.

My FIL almost collapsed at my 2 having double barrelled names. We had "what about tradition" "who do you think you are, royalty" "they won't know where they come from" which considering he isn't my partner's biological father and my partner changed his name to match his step dads is even more laughable.
He then started calling my children by his surname and ignoring mine. Last time he did it And I pulled him up he told me that 2 surnames were too much to remember so I said next time I heard him do it I would get hold of deed poll and have their fathers name removed so they would just have the one surname, mine. That seems to have stopped it for now.

So do mine. But it's a calculated attempt to be insulting and to put us little women who have dared to assert a personal preference of identity back in their box. Says more about their insecurities than mine. I just laugh at it now, but when I caught DH thanking MiL on my behalf for a birthday card she'd sent to a Mrs Hisname who doesn't actually exist, I blew up like Vesuvius (a thing I don't do very often). He's under no illusions that this isn't to happen again, particularly as he's told her numerous times to address me by my correct name and she has deliberately ignored it. Same goes for DC, who has both names and she similarly feels she should only acknowledge one. She's been told to stop, again ignored, but it will be a happy day when DC (who is very particular about their accurate name) sets her straight on it. I hope I am there to see her face ...

As for them using my 'Dr' title, hell would freeze over first, and I find that funnier still!

Not to mention that as a feminist who plans on bringing my kids up in a feminist household I just don't see how you can raise children to respect women while simultaneously imposing a centuries old patriarchal tradition on them. It makes zero sense to me.

This is hilarious

Which still favours the paternal name

It really isn’t that serious especially when the parent are unmarried but would like their child to have both surnames.

I have a double barrel surname and so do my kids. They can pick which name they keep or drop if they have kids or want to get married. It’s really not the end of the world and I don’t see how it’s pretentious?

I'm with you OP. My kids are double barrelled and I didn't bother changing my name when I got married, so they have my name and their dad's name.

My parents, in-laws and others of that generation persist in calling me Mrs dhname though, many years on.

Why are you (and others) pretending there's a dichotomy between giving children their father's surname or giving them a double-barrelled name?

So you want to be able to preserve your name and your husbands name - but you expect everyone else down the line to ditch some names?

It's pretentious and quite honestly, I just think it's totally naff. If you want to keep your name, keep it. But all this nonsense of the man taking on the wife's name and then inflicting some double barrelled nonsense on the kids is just madness.

I actually do know a Miss Smith-Jones and a Mr Ellis-Parker. Seriously wft. So they'll become Mr and Mrs Ellis-Parker-Smith-Jones? How will they decide which names are ditched?

If you can't see why it's blinking ridiculous, no help for you!

Why don't people just pick an entirely new surname and both of you have a new surname if taking the male name is such a problem?

I don't have feelings either way about what other people call their kids, but I do see double barreling as a class marker. Whereas in the past, it signified "posh" now I feel it's the opposite. It suggests unmarried parents, which of course is a class marker in itself.

So forced patriarchal traditions are better than giving adults a choice in what their own name should be? Okay....

All of my friends when they discuss(ed) marriage had the conversation of “what to do with our names?” - double barrel, some
fun merging of the two names into one (surprisingly common), man takes woman name, etc. My children will have the exact same conversation with their spouses when they grow up and get married, only with more options to choose from. I somehow think they’ll have the common sense to avoid a quadruple-barrelling scenario…

Taking the mans name is no longer the default among the younger generation (20s/30s), as much as the older generation might mock and find it ~confusing~. Your views are outdated. And so childrens’ names follow suit.

I don't buy for a second that they believe any such thing, any more I believe those who trot out the stupid platitude 'your husband's name is your LEGAL name!' are really under any illusion that this is the case. Why else would they have to provide documentary evidence to change their names on marriage, whilst women who keep theirs adopt the default legal position and need to do precisely nothing?

This is called being willfully obtuse. It's done deliberately to make a cheap point against any woman who refuses, even in this small way, to bow to convention. Because how dare we require the basic courtesy of expecting to keep our own names, and to pass them onto our children?

Another interesting thing. IME, those who object to this effrontery of social convention have usually been other women.

I find it pretentious tbh

I've just read about the Spanish system. I can see it avoids multiple names but it only allows for the the name from maternal side to remain for 1 generation. It still favours the male line for naming.

I married a man with a double barrelled name. He is the 5th generation of that name so not a new creation either. The ancestor who doubled it up was a Victorian who needed a more interesting surname than Smith. I think he already had his mother's maiden name as a middle name (so that's not a knew thing either)

Looking at the family tree one of his brother's children also double barrelled the smith.

I changed my name on marriage and took his DB. Keeping my own name wasn't a big deal for me.

Our kids have the same DB surname. Zero issues and tbh most people either assume we're not married or that my maiden name was one of them.

I live in Norway, in DH’s (Norwegian) family it’s common to have your last name double barrelled without a hyphen with wife’s surname first then husband’s surname.

This then continues down the line, so my DSs are Jones Bloggs now but if one got married to a Jane Smith Harrison their name will become Smith Bloggs. If we had a DD that married John Smith Harrison their name would be Jones Harrison.

Hard to explain concisely but works well in practice and is so common here people don’t bat an eyelid…varies a lot whether people bother using both surnames though unless it’s official business!

Thank you for that intelligent, insightful, considered contribution (and complete waste of column inches). I'm sure other MN users really appreciate it.

👏👏👏

How will they decide which names are ditched?

Well guess they just have to figure it out, it's their name so their decision. Why would I better placed to choose which names of their 2 parents to ditch? Maybe they would prefer to use my name over DH's and I don't even give them the option?

This