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Original poster

Wedding card at work - am I being petty?

154 replies

Isitpetty · 28/09/2022 11:25

I've been asked and reminded twice (in group settings) to sign and donate to a colleague's wedding card. I did not know that he was getting married and have only ever had a small number of dealings with him - I pass him in the corridor and say hi every few days and that's it. His office is next door to mine but we rarely see one another. I've worked in the organisation for maybe 7 years and he's been here 3 or 4.

I got married in autumn 2020 and received no card, money or texts from these work colleagues so I am feeling a bit put out at the repeated requests for money. I don't want to give him money but would sign the card if that could be done without looking tight.

If someone asks me about it again should I admit that I got nothing for my wedding so I am not contributing or just kick to touch. Would I look petty to make the point about my wedding being ignored?

OP posts:
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 28/09/2022 11:27

would a message of "thought we'd stopped doing this as I didn't get a card" work??

Onesipmore · 28/09/2022 11:27

Petty, Im afraid. Would a small contribution be so bad? I think it won't come off well for you if you start with the 'No-one got me anything, so Im following suit'

Damnloginpopup · 28/09/2022 11:29

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 28/09/2022 11:27

would a message of "thought we'd stopped doing this as I didn't get a card" work??

That'd be very pretty written amongst the congratulations messages. But very funny too.

I dare you. I double dare you 😁

MarsupiIami · 28/09/2022 11:31

Is it a physical collection or bank transfer?

I've seen some very petty collection behaviour lately but it was singling out the people would did contribute instead of who didn't. It was very odd. People are really weird about it and it's got worse since the covid bank transfer work collections started.

SleeplessInEngland · 28/09/2022 11:31

Sign it, don't give money. Any office that would expect the latter is insane.

Summerhouse2013 · 28/09/2022 11:31

I would perhaps just say that with the increase in bills and everything being so tight right now, you've had to re-evaluate what you can donate to.
Just say you don't really know said colleague, you're happy to sign the card and pay towards the card (if you want to), but you're not in a position to donate to a gift.
No one can force you to sign or donate, you shouldn't have been put in this position. It's voluntary....

Verytirednow · 28/09/2022 11:32

I personally would contribute a fiver and sign the card …life is too short to be petty .

SansaStarkWolf · 28/09/2022 11:32

I refused to sign a wedding card for a guy at work or donate - because I thought he was a total c**t.

Work collections shouldn’t be enforced on people - especially in the current economic climate. I’ve had times I simply couldn’t afford to donate then told, no donation, you don’t get to sign the card - I mean really? Grow up!! Is it like this at your place? Where you have to donate to sign?

Spudina · 28/09/2022 11:32

Tough one OP! I can see why you are annoyed. I had a similar thing. My colleagues ignored my 40th (I was on a brief secondment but still in the same building). They have gone on to make a big fuss about other colleagues 30th and 50th. It feels rubbish. Id be tempted to tell the truth too. But, to keep things abit more cordial, that there’s a middle ground that I would be tempted to tread. I’d put in a small amount as a goodwill gesture, whilst pointing out that no one did similar for me and how hurtful it was.

Tomatoblush · 28/09/2022 11:32

You are not being unreasonable at all. I’d feel exactly the same as you.
Why should you give your hard earned money away to people who wouldn’t do the same for you.
You should say hey I didn’t know we did presents for weddings where was mine?

MarsupiIami · 28/09/2022 11:32

Write in the card "I remember my wedding in 2020 and..." and add something about the day.

Sapphire387 · 28/09/2022 11:33

Sign the card, don't donate.

Mybumlooksbig · 28/09/2022 11:33

Sign the card. Don't give money- nobody's business why you didn't financially contribute.

Aubriella · 28/09/2022 11:33

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 28/09/2022 11:27

would a message of "thought we'd stopped doing this as I didn't get a card" work??

Agreed.

Herecomestreble1 · 28/09/2022 11:34

I would sign the card as it's probably not this chap's fault you didn't get one, but I absolutely would not give any money. IMO collections should never come from staff, if the organisation are that bothered about a gift it should come from the pockets of the business, not the workers!

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/09/2022 11:34

Were you all wfh in autumn 20? That might be why you didn’t get one rather than a personal slight.

Don’t blame or resent him. But YANBU to feel a bit grumpy at the comparison.

sageandbasil · 28/09/2022 11:34

I'd deff not be contributing and I'd remind the organiser that you're still waiting for your cars

Vikinga · 28/09/2022 11:34

Sign the card and don't donate. In my last office, we had a big envelope round and people could sign and donate if they wanted. Noone knew what everyone gave. Seemed like a good way.

We all know so many people and have so many to buy for that it is silly to pay for people we don't know.

Brefugee · 28/09/2022 11:36

I get lumbered with office collections. I write one mail, and gather what i get and that's it. No reminders, no bugging, no nothing after the initial mail.

In your shoes, OP, I'd say "stop reminding me, i heard you the first time. I barely know him so no thanks. But i thought we'd stopped with this since nobody collected for me"

and then forget about it.

ReeseWitherfork · 28/09/2022 11:38

They’re being assholes for chasing you up on it. It would be a bit petty to make an unprovoked comment instead of just ignoring the request but I’m not sure what else you can do if you’re being chased. They can’t and shouldn’t force you. We get a “Jim’s card is in the breakroom” type email and those who want to contribute do, and those who don’t want to simply don’t.

Crunchymum · 28/09/2022 11:40

I got married in autumn 2020

At the height of the pandemic when most people were WFH or furloughed?

Maybe this is why you didn't get a card / collection?

ReneBumsWombats · 28/09/2022 11:41

I wouldn't cause an issue at work over it. Sign the card, rattle the envelope if you can't bear to drop a couple of quid in. It doesn't sound like this guy was to blame for you being overlooked. The overall disconnection caused by lockdown seems the most likely reason.

SheWoreYellow · 28/09/2022 11:43

The person organising his card might not be the person who would have arranged something for you?

Angelofthenortheast · 28/09/2022 11:45

Sign it and put a couple of quid in.
Then get divorced and remarried and see if you get a card the second time

Brefugee · 28/09/2022 11:45

At the height of the pandemic when most people were WFH or furloughed?
Maybe this is why you didn't get a card / collection?

my team work across 3 different countries, and barley 2 of us in the same place. We managed wedding, new baby and birthday collections as usual. It's not rocket science.

as for being petty: I don't regard that as a problem. Is it "petty" or is it being honest about things?