Wedding card at work - am I being petty?

[Isitpetty]

I've been asked and reminded twice (in group settings) to sign and donate to a colleague's wedding card. I did not know that he was getting married and have only ever had a small number of dealings with him - I pass him in the corridor and say hi every few days and that's it. His office is next door to mine but we rarely see one another. I've worked in the organisation for maybe 7 years and he's been here 3 or 4.

I got married in autumn 2020 and received no card, money or texts from these work colleagues so I am feeling a bit put out at the repeated requests for money. I don't want to give him money but would sign the card if that could be done without looking tight.

If someone asks me about it again should I admit that I got nothing for my wedding so I am not contributing or just kick to touch. Would I look petty to make the point about my wedding being ignored?

Reply saying that's far too much money for one work gift for a birthday. Then send £5/10

That's madness.

I’ve just been asked for £35 to contribute towards a birthday gift for a member of our team. Only senior team are asked… but I can’t afford it. And no one else has received a present.. especially one of this value! There are 11 of us! Birthday “girl” is not a milestone birthday either.

that's too much. At least it's only the senior team being asked. But 35 quid is far far too much. When i collect most people give 5 euros, partners 10 or 15, but that's it. I don't expect more. We also only collect for milestone birthdays.

Sign the card and take out of the envelope what you would have expected for your wedding.

Only joking.

Sign and don’t donate. Don’t overthink it or let it cloud your day.

If you don't want to, just don't donate. I'd say "I barely know the guy".

Collections always end up being unfair. It depends on who can be bothered to organise them, The quiet people who just get on with their jobs are often overlooked. I think they should be banned from workplaces and if people want to give their own card/gifts then fine. They cause a lot of hurt and ill feeling.

Your wedding took place when the entire bloody country was in the midst of the initial pandemic stages, when no-one felt safe, the whole country was in a panic and no-one knew what the hell would happen next !

People were dying in the thousands, jobs were being lost daily, 'normal' life had bloody vanished and no-one was therefore giving 'normal' things like wedding/leaving/retirement cards/gifts ffs !

Now that things have calmed a little (not going to mention the cost of living/ fuel costs/ bloody tax cuts etc !) people are trying to reclaim a little 'normality' and engaging in these social 'rituals' again.

So sitting at work with a face on because YOU didn't get a card/gift is simply childish tbh. Move on. Either give/don't give, but ffs DON'T be so petty as to say it's because you didn't receive one yourself.

If you don’t want to donate or sign then just don’t. Just delete the emails!

if someone comes wracking on the door just look them dead in the eye and say “well you’ve made this really awkward now but I can’t afford to donate right now”

if I like someone I’d donate whether I got something or not but if I literally don’t even know the person past saying hi as I pass in a hallway then I’d not feel the need to donate.
Im not tight I just wouldn’t assume anyone who didn’t know me needed to donate to a gift for me either!

I’d sign the card to keep the peace but just ignore the requests to donate. I only ever donate if I actually like the person or work closely with them.

i ignore these so i would suggest you do too

I don't do these things on principle.

If I wish to give someone a card/gift because I like them or think the deserve it then Im perfectly capable of doing it myself, If I dont its because I dont want to and I dont need to be guilted/shamed because I choose not to donate £5 (a lot of money to us) to Sandra who I don't even know.

I also agree with regards to always getting stung for these for other people but no one ever once returned the favor back... its always such a bloody cliquey popularity contest and a bit 'scam-y' (people getting their mates to do it and them all pocketing the money).

Autumn 2020 was when the rules relaxed, lockdown ended, people returned to work, everything reopened and people where encouraged to return to normal AFTER the first wave... you couldnt actually get married during the time you are talking about so thats no excuse.

Weren't we in the middle of covid in autumn 2020? Was your office wfh?

I think you're being petty to be honest. Be the bigger person and chuck a couple of quid in.

No way. My significant birthday was missed at work so there's absolutely no chance I'll ever be putting in for birthdays again. I'd feel a right mug!

Weddings & leaving collections I might contribute if I actually know you but I'll ignore if I don't want to pay up. I've found very few people would dare ask outright.

😂

Another vote for "sign the card, don't donate".

These sort of customs get very expensive.

I've been in organisations where there was a wedding, new baby, new house, leaving, retirement, milestone wedding anniversary, birthday just about every week.
I stopped giving after the second one. 🙄

Sign the card so it is illegible and do not donate

"I'd rather not participate in office group gifts. I thought that's why nobody got me anything". You can add "thanks for thinking of me though" for optional irony.

I'm not in the UK. In the week my wedding took place there were between 10-15 cases of Covid a day in the entire country I live in. It was very relaxed. I didn't expect a collection, but an acknowledgment would have been appreciated. My husband's work sent us a voucher and flowers which I was super touched to receive. I would have appreciated a text or an email from my own workplace is all, especially seeing as they knew that our wedding had to be rescheduled and was tiny.

Thanks for the input everyone - I will sign the card and I'll only donate if it would be uncomfortable not to. I won't know until I go into the office.

Management organised the card so I feel like they should either organise cards for people or not organise cards for people.

Oh and despite all the advice to sign without donating, be aware that some people will think that's cheeky (i.e. claiming credit for the gift).

If you’re senior could you instigate a fairer policy? HR or admin arranges, flowers for everyone, that way regardless of team or seniority, working patterns etc. it’s fair. It works out about £40/ staff member/ year (£30 for birthdays/ maternity/ wedding) saves time and it’s very good for goodwill.

Thinking about it, that average £40/ head includes bereavement flowers, sadly used a lot over the past few years.

I just sign cards now and have a hard hat. Where I work there is a constant outflowing of people. Some popular ones get a card and present, whilst others get nothing. That is very unfair!

Now I just sign the card and that is it. I can't afford to chuck in £10

@mam0918

It's a moot point as the OP isn't in the UK, but the Autumn 'relaxing' you spoke of sin't how I recalled it ?

From Boris's speech 31 Oct 2020 ;
From Thursday until the start of December, you must stay at home.
You may only leave home for specific reasons, including:
For education; For work, say if you cannot work from home; For exercise and recreation outdoors, with your household or on your own with one person from another household; For medical reasons, appointments and to escape injury or harm; To shop for food and essentials; And to provide care for vulnerable people, or as a volunteer.
I’m afraid non-essential shops, leisure and entertainment venues will all be closed – though click and collect services can continue and essential shops will remain open, so there is no need to stock up.
Pubs, bars, restaurants must close except for takeaway and delivery services.
Workplaces should stay open where people can’t work from home – for example in the construction or manufacturing sectors.
Single adult households can still form exclusive support bubbles with one other household, and children will still be able to move between homes if their parents are separated