Wedding card at work - am I being petty?

[Isitpetty]

I've been asked and reminded twice (in group settings) to sign and donate to a colleague's wedding card. I did not know that he was getting married and have only ever had a small number of dealings with him - I pass him in the corridor and say hi every few days and that's it. His office is next door to mine but we rarely see one another. I've worked in the organisation for maybe 7 years and he's been here 3 or 4.

I got married in autumn 2020 and received no card, money or texts from these work colleagues so I am feeling a bit put out at the repeated requests for money. I don't want to give him money but would sign the card if that could be done without looking tight.

If someone asks me about it again should I admit that I got nothing for my wedding so I am not contributing or just kick to touch. Would I look petty to make the point about my wedding being ignored?

Exactly. We have a system at work whereby everyone gets ‘centrally acknowledged’ with flowers or a voucher. Cards only for leaving as they get lost circulating and so much time is wasted signing them

At our work people just come and go all the time so some you don't even know. Its perfectly fine to sign and put no money in.

I worked in a load of temping offices when I left school and I used to love to watch the politics of this (as a temp I was generally excused). If you don't put money in people probably won't bitch about you but they WILL think you've got a grudge against this dude or there's a mysterious back story to it. But that's all right isn't it. They'll move on to the next imaginary story for a bit of entertainment soon enough.

Just sign the card and don't donate if you don't want to. I think it's quite petty to complain about it because you didn't get one.

Uh I resonate, I got married, had a baby and didn't so much as get a card whereas another woman in the team ended up with a huge gift for her 40th birthday because a collection had been organised, I really resented not even getting a congratulations card especially having been there a few years.

If you want to contribute, contribute, if not don't sweat it and just delete the emails I'm assuming they're generic not just sending it specifically to you though.

I am the same as you OP. I have had various milestone birthdays and fundraising throughout my time at my employer. In that time no one has ever done a birthday card or bought raffle tickets etc.

Cards land on my desk to sign and i will happily sign however the second they ask for a donation i just say i dont do donations, sorry. If that comes across poorly, well i dont care. Most of the collections are for people who have been here for 5 mins or revel in being the life and soul but are actually just the adult version of the school bully. I cant be arsed.

This is why I think work collections should be banned. Leaving card is fine and a present but anything else nope. I got engaged the same time as a colleague. He got a bottle of expensive champagne, a card and an email from the manager. I got nothing at all. People who have worked for the company for years were given gifts as a thank you. Myself and other colleagues who have also worked as long (and longer) received nothing. It’s not petty to be upset.

I’d just sign it, donating is optional

Meh I’d just sign it but not donate. Arguing about not getting a card two years ago is dead childish.

I think it would be petty to bring up grudges about people's failure to give you a wedding card/ gift, yes. Especially as it was in 2020, with social distancing emphasized, and many people probably just not physically there. However, I don't think you should feel obliged to contribute to someone whom you don't really know; and I think it's rude of your colleagues to chase you up about it. Contributions should be voluntary, and people should not be hassled about them. Especially right now, with the cost-of-living crisis. If you are pressed, you could say something like 'right now I'm only contributing to people whom I know well'. Or you could just sign the card, give nothing, and say nothing.

This is a common, but quite silly ritual. Why would anyone assume that people would be happy to contribute?

Anyway, don't hold a grudge, would you be really pleased to get a card from those who hardly know you?

This. ^ You are not being unreasonable @Isitpetty . You should totally not give to this collection, although it's a lot easier said than done to refuse because of peer pressure... Good luck!

Perfectly put. @Isitpetty Do NOT give to this collection. As pp said, just say 'with finances as they are, I am only giving to people I know very well.' As @ddl1 said, what a f*cking cheek to keep hassling you about it. And what a bloody cheek assuming everyone wants to give.

I would just ignore the emails and if anyone asked me face to face, say that I don't know the guy plus didn't get a card when I got married so I believed we were no longer doing this.

Just chip in a fiver and say congrats. And then forget about it.

Win win. It's hardly anything and you don't come off looking like a dick.

I was recently in the office (lots of people were for an event) so the 3 presents that I'd been collecting for were going to be handed over. Normally I'd just write "from all of us" in the card, but i thought people might like to sign. So I just grabbed people and said "cards on my desk". And so many said "oh but i didn't pay, it wouldn't be right" to which my answer was: the more the merrier. So they did. But quite alien to a lot of people.

Not in UK though.

I would just ignore it completely. Bit much that they have sent multiple emails, I agree with PP- just send one and those who want to contribute will. It's very awkward if some people Genuinely don't have anything to give or don't like the recipient

Why would you b e happy to sign the card and not donate? If you know him as little as you say then he probably won't know who you are signing the card anyway. Just say you don't want to do it, you're not obliged to.

I take your point and since several people have said the same, that could be how her workplace would interpret it. Only OP knows what they are like.

But looking at it from a distance it seems to me like they should have the same policy for everyone.

Being asked for donations when you've been ignored yourself is hurtful. Maybe getting the message across quietly, even via a friendly colleague, would stop it, happening again to someone else?

The multiple reminders suggest that the donations thus collected are few. Maybe you're not the only employee who's had a major life event ignored in the past!

I'd sign the card but not donate. Either way I definitely wouldn't say anything. It'll make you look petty af.

There was a woman I loathed, it was mutual, I put 10p in her collection because then it gave me the moral right to put a passive aggressive message in her leaving card. You know how people always write at the edges of the card first? I wrote in the middle, big writing, slap bang under the Sorry You Are Leaving printed sentiment.

I once just wrote 'Bye!' in the card of someone who I, with good reason, loathed.

Just to make it clear, lots of people hated her/ were scared of her, she had made a lot of peoples lives misery for a good many years, I was writing for all of us.

I just don't donate if I don't care about the person. I literally do not care they don't pay me enough for collections.

I’ve just been asked for £35 to contribute towards a birthday gift for a member of our team. Only senior team are asked… but I can’t afford it. And no one else has received a present.. especially one of this value! There are 11 of us! Birthday “girl” is not a milestone birthday either.