Don't want to invite SIL

[Lauraleight]

We are planning on having a big family party on the 26th December in our home. None of us actually like SIL ( my DHs brothers wife). She had an affair a few years ago and we have never forgiven her. I have tolerated her since but last year MIL wasn't getting along with her and blocked her so I took that as my opportunity to not be in touch either . I haven't text her in a year. I seen her yesterday whilst out and about and said hello, didn't stop to engage in conversation. My other SIL and BIL ferl the same as me. Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

Just be sure to be on your best behaviour around your in-laws. Otherwise one day you will be outcasted like she has.
Then when that happens, maybe you’ll start to see how ridiculous and toxic your family are.
Hindsight is a great thing eh?

In all honesty, you and your family sounds like pretty dreadful people.

You're bullying your SIL just because you all are looking for reasons to dislike her and exclude her. Classic ganging up on someone behaviour. Childish and nasty.

It's not even your place to forgive her; it's your BIL's place, and he's done that. She's literally told you she was ill and struggling and you're still demonising her. If the pair of them have any sense, they'll not attend even if they are invited because who would want to spend time around people behaving as nastily as your family?

Suck it up and be polite and you might find you can move on. Excluding her means excluding your BIL and their children which I would never do.

Sounds like she was in a bad place and if her husband has chosen to forgive family should not make his life harder.

You don't have to 'act like her friend', you just need to be civil to her.
Is this YOUR party? You seem concerned with how having her there will affect you. After you found out about the affair she 'wasn't the person I knew and I can't trust her again.'
Can you not trust her to be in your home for one evening?
I think if you're inviting your DH's brother, her husband, you need to invite her too. She may well decline since you've all been so hostile to her.

Don't sit on the fence here @HangOnToYourself - tell us all how you really feel about this situation 😆😆😆

Poor sister in law. She’s better off without you, sanctimonious, judgey bastards. What goes around comes around.

I think you're extremely unkind and you're fragmenting your own family just because you can't not make their relationship all about you. I think you need to grow up and get over yourself. Their relationship is between them and at this point you're just being cruel and no one benefits.

They are together a long time so it's hard for me to accept what she did

But you don't need to accept it, it's not your marriage! And now finding out that your SIL had mental health issues to just makes you sound worse.

"Privacy concerns"

Sounds like you're all bloody bullies tbh
Doubt she'd want to come anyway

My SIL cheated on my brother they worked through it we respected his choice to forgive her even if the lack of trust remains for the rest of us its not our job to ostracise her and by default him.

I'm assuming your privacy concerns are that we haven't all jumped on to vilify SIL so now you want to erase what you've said as it's not gone your way.

You're not only being unreasonable, you're being a bitch and you're MIL, BIL and SIL are as bad. The SIL who had an affair is better off not having anything to do with any of you

Her husband forgave her. Who do you all think you are??

I wonder...are you concerned about your own DH cheating while he's working abroad? Is that why you've taken such a hard line with your SIL? Because your reaction to something that has nothing to do with you is very extreme.

You have the right to be friends with who you want, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to be friends with SIL or close to her.

But it’s this deliberate exclusion of SIL from family events that is very troubling for most here. It’s truly terrible behaviour, to treat her like this for something that was between her and her husband 6 years ago.

I feel deeply sorry for the BIL in this case, it's his life and all his family seem utterly ghastly
What am incredibly entitled, unpleasant and sanctimonious attitude and yet you say about the impact her behaviour had on him but can't see how horrible this is for him

What's your poor BIL done to deserve being treated so badly by you all?
They probably won't turn up even if you do invite them, I know I certainly wouldn't.

She did something awful to your BIL years ago, he chose to forgive her and has moved on. If his family can't do the same for his sake then you're no doubt hurting him too.

OP: Am I being unreasonable?
MN: Yes
OP: WAAAAA I nEeD tO cLoSe ThIs ThReAd

YABU. If her own DH can forgive and move past it, you all should too. You were good friends before the incident.

I think you may need to read what she said again!

OP, I'm with everyone else on this, you need to grow up. Your MIL sounds absolutely awful as well.

sounds very like teenage behaviour. We all have relations we dont like but we put up with them because we want a relatively harmonious family

Wow, your poor SIL.

yes she had an affair but if her and her husband have worked through it you have no right to not forgive her. It’s not your place. Your poor kids too being separated.

OP, I hope you never make any sort of mistake in your life that the rest of the family decide to blacklist you for. Maybe your SIL is better without you all.

Really just awful behaviour on your part OP, you need to give your head a shake.

I think your sister in law and your brother are better away from you and your family. You sound a horrible judgemental lot. Your poor brother. He chose to forgive her it's none of your business

Well said

Just get on with it, or do you want to be embroiled in a family feud for years?