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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want to invite SIL

346 replies

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 08:20

We are planning on having a big family party on the 26th December in our home. None of us actually like SIL ( my DHs brothers wife). She had an affair a few years ago and we have never forgiven her. I have tolerated her since but last year MIL wasn't getting along with her and blocked her so I took that as my opportunity to not be in touch either . I haven't text her in a year. I seen her yesterday whilst out and about and said hello, didn't stop to engage in conversation. My other SIL and BIL ferl the same as me. Is it really awful not to invite them when everyone else will be there?

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 28/09/2022 14:39

SuperCamp · 28/09/2022 14:32

Certainly not a family whose lead I would follow in matters of morals, ethics or decent behaviour!

Show quote history

This.

I’m guessing no one really liked SIL, and are using this as a weapon against her.

Original poster
Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 14:39

FIL has never confirmed that it's his son. With regards to my other SIL and BIL I didn't know her personally at the time. Her DH was not unwell,he had a work accident and died instantly. They have always denied an affair. I never really paid much attention to their relationship to be honest. I didn't see first hand any hurt it caused whereas I saw first hand how devastated my other BIL was.

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 28/09/2022 14:41

FIL has never confirmed that it's his son.
So he's denying it...or just saying nothing?

Aussiegirl88 · 28/09/2022 14:41

you sound like the family ass licker.

"I can't invite her because other people will be mad at me"
you're all bat shit crazy and if anything your family is likely the reason your SIL went out looking for something else, she'll be wise to steer clear of you and the rest of the family!

You all sound pure poison, your updates don't help your cause at all!

YUCK!!!!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/09/2022 14:41

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 14:16

Im not sure if fil ever had an affair. He worked abroad for long stretches of time. My DH did tell me that a man knocked on the family home years ago and said he was fils son. Fil closed the door on his face. My other BIL (husbands brother) found out more details,name etc and we have all seen the "son" online as he has a very successful business. Fil has never acknowledged it.

There is also debate regarding SIL and BIL having an affair with each other. These are the ones I get on with it. Other SIL who had the affair and her DH insist they did. They said they only ever kissed behind her husbands back. She was pregnant 3 months after her husband died with BILs baby. This seems to be a bone of contention with SIL who admitted her affair. PIL have never spoken about the other brother having an affair.

Sorry if that's wrote badly and confusing.

I’m confused

so the nice and I say nice but all sound horrible to poor dh brother and sil

but that the other brother and dil also were unfaithful

plus fil

jeez

BadNomad · 28/09/2022 14:42

Why does it matter which hurt you witness and which you didn't? If it's so black and white that affairs are wrong, then how can you side with FIL and your other SIL and BIL? Your FIL is the worst imo. He shut the door in his son's face. That's shocking. Your MIL comes second for being such a huge hypocrite.

Glitteratitar · 28/09/2022 14:44

Wonder if MIL is projecting and OP is simply licking her arse and following suit…

MIL’s husband had an affair and MIL’s son either had an affair or was the other man in an affair. This time, it was other son who was the wronged one…

Though not sure what other SIL’s excuse is considering she had an affair herself.

Gosh OP, your in laws really have no morals do they.

justasking111 · 28/09/2022 14:49

Seems like @Lauraleight is the only one who kept their pants on in this family

Brefugee · 28/09/2022 14:49

There is also debate regarding SIL and BIL having an affair with each other.

I'm very confused about who was shagging who at this stage, and I'm super invested now so i would appreciate a family tree and some names.

SIL - the evil adulterous one will be Jezabel
Her poor long-suffering husband can be... Dave?
MIL and FIL OK

but then there is another SIL and a BIL - who are they related to? What are their made-up names? Inquiring minds want to know

MayThe4th · 28/09/2022 14:53

So it doesn’t matter who your other BIL and SIL hurt because you didn’t see it?

It doesn’t matter that your FIL shut the door in his son’s face because you don’t know all the details?

But you saw how hurt BIL was, and he moved forward and they presumably now have a strong marriage and so they must be shunned.

I wonder if this is what this is about. The rest of them are all so fucked up and bitter with each other, untrusting because they’ve all had affairs, and they just can’t bear the thought that BIL has managed to make his marriage work while the rest of theirs are all shams.

Presumably BIL knows there’s a chance SIL would have gone back to her husband but for his convenient death.

MIL knows that FIL has an illegitimate son out there

And other SIL and BIL have made their marriage work. And the rest of them hate that.

Quartz2208 · 28/09/2022 14:53

Did you like her before all of this

I didn't see first hand any hurt it caused whereas I saw first hand how devastated my other BIL was.

But you said it was very black and white but it isnt it is just her that had an affair all the people judging her have done as well

And you go along with all of this. Why? our MIL/Bil and SIL sound toxic

MsRosley · 28/09/2022 15:01

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 14:16

Im not sure if fil ever had an affair. He worked abroad for long stretches of time. My DH did tell me that a man knocked on the family home years ago and said he was fils son. Fil closed the door on his face. My other BIL (husbands brother) found out more details,name etc and we have all seen the "son" online as he has a very successful business. Fil has never acknowledged it.

There is also debate regarding SIL and BIL having an affair with each other. These are the ones I get on with it. Other SIL who had the affair and her DH insist they did. They said they only ever kissed behind her husbands back. She was pregnant 3 months after her husband died with BILs baby. This seems to be a bone of contention with SIL who admitted her affair. PIL have never spoken about the other brother having an affair.

Sorry if that's wrote badly and confusing.

This has to be a piss take. it just can't be real.

billy1966 · 28/09/2022 15:02

What a poisonous group of people.

Your poor SIL.

birder · 28/09/2022 15:30

My mind's having a little boggle here! People in glass houses etc.

OhmygodDont · 28/09/2022 15:32

So the whole family is full of cheaters but you’ve taken offence at this one cheater. Got it.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 28/09/2022 15:38

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 14:16

Im not sure if fil ever had an affair. He worked abroad for long stretches of time. My DH did tell me that a man knocked on the family home years ago and said he was fils son. Fil closed the door on his face. My other BIL (husbands brother) found out more details,name etc and we have all seen the "son" online as he has a very successful business. Fil has never acknowledged it.

There is also debate regarding SIL and BIL having an affair with each other. These are the ones I get on with it. Other SIL who had the affair and her DH insist they did. They said they only ever kissed behind her husbands back. She was pregnant 3 months after her husband died with BILs baby. This seems to be a bone of contention with SIL who admitted her affair. PIL have never spoken about the other brother having an affair.

Sorry if that's wrote badly and confusing.

😆😆😆

You were doing quite well up until this point. This wasn’t so much over-egging the pudding as adding the entire contents of a battery farm.

Original poster
Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 15:47

With regards to FIL that was close to 50 years ago ,if it is his son. He has never confirmed it or denied it. My other SIL are BIL are now together 13 years and I have become close to her over this time. She told me it was only ever a friendship until her late husband died. I'm very close to my PIL, I lived on their home for a couple of years. I get along with them so when MIL is upset about something I support her.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 28/09/2022 15:49

BUt she actually isnt upset about the affair though but about something else.

And have you ever liked her - because why is she getting judgment that the others arent - if it is black and white like you say there should be no difference.

OhmygodDont · 28/09/2022 15:52

Quartz2208 · 28/09/2022 15:49

BUt she actually isnt upset about the affair though but about something else.

And have you ever liked her - because why is she getting judgment that the others arent - if it is black and white like you say there should be no difference.

Maybe mil hates the sil because of her own husband’s infidelity. Nasty reminder.

fairycakes1234 · 28/09/2022 15:53

DisforDarkChocolate · 28/09/2022 08:25

Oh to live a live of such unblemished goodness you can afford to be this judgemental. I bet you're fun to be friends with.

Grow up.

@DisforDarkChocolate so funny when it comes to someone defending an affair and someone that sounds so unpleasant than actually agree, because thats not the done thing on mumsnet, everyone has to disagree, think its yourself that needs to grow up lol

BatsAtDawn · 28/09/2022 15:55

If this is true its so utterly hypocritical. The brother and his wife are probably best off away from all of this.

Nothing "excuses" an affair, but there clearly is more to this woman's mindset at the time here and if this were my brother I'd be supporting him.

To your OP, you are perfectly free to be friends and socialise with who you please. Excluding one family from a party in these circumstances is definitely shitty and unreasonable but I think you should be open about why so your BIL and his wife can see the situation for what it is and go NC with you all.

fairycakes1234 · 28/09/2022 15:55

billy1966 · 28/09/2022 15:02

What a poisonous group of people.

Your poor SIL.

youre so right, thats the way to do it, have an affair, who would have thought lol

GloriousGlory · 28/09/2022 15:58

Lauraleight · 28/09/2022 15:47

With regards to FIL that was close to 50 years ago ,if it is his son. He has never confirmed it or denied it. My other SIL are BIL are now together 13 years and I have become close to her over this time. She told me it was only ever a friendship until her late husband died. I'm very close to my PIL, I lived on their home for a couple of years. I get along with them so when MIL is upset about something I support her.

It would serve you well to have your own mind!

OriginalUsername3 · 28/09/2022 16:01

Wtf?!
So they've all been shagging about making babies with other people while they're married.
Hypocrites the lot of you.

BuzzingFridge · 28/09/2022 16:03

Grow up.
YOu are bandwagon jumping here
The husband has forgiven her, you are driving him away too

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