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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell DH what the dog has done.

206 replies

fruitstick · 26/09/2022 09:47

We have a dog. He's my dog which DH never wanted but I insisted.

He loves him now, but he's still definitely my dog.

DH works from home and his office is off our living room.

I'm always telling him to keep things off the floor etc but it's completely full of crap.

Recently he bought a limited edition print. It wasn't super expensive (£25) but signed and he was really pleased with it and it can't be replaced.

It was in a poster tube in his office waiting to be framed.

The dog took it into the garden this morning and has eaten it. Both ends of the tube (and print) chewed.

I swiped it before DH could see and tried to get a replacement but they are sold out.

Shall I just hope he forgets he ever bought it? Or fess up?

OP posts:
GhostFromTheOtherSide · 26/09/2022 11:15

A lot of victim blaming on this thread. possibly the most over-used phrase on MN ever.

As for the people saying the OP foisted a dog on her DH, calling her selfish etc etc etc, this dog is 18 months old, so has been there over a year now, we’re not talking about a puppy she brought home last night who then chewed his crap which he couldn’t be bothered to pick up off the floor.

Fact is his office is a part of the house. If he doesn’t want it to be then he closes the door. If he wants to live in a pig sty in there then crack on, but if he leaves the door open and the dog wanders in then he has no-one to blame but himself.

I would tell him, and then I’d suggest that he closes the door if he doesn’t want the dog in there.

I shut my dogs out of the kitchen at night or if I go out after an incident where one of them got half a but of butter off the worktop and ate it. Nobody’s fault but mine. But as they can’t be trusted they have to be shut out. And if I didn’t and they ate something then I would have only myself to blame.

Fact is you can’t have a seperate workspace if you work from home. It might be separate in terms of its location, but it’s still part of the home, so if you want it to be truly separate then you have to keep it such by closing the door.

adriftabroad · 26/09/2022 11:16

I would not tell him and forget all about it.

The dog and the joy he brings, is worth more than 25 quid.

Forget it.

Isthislife · 26/09/2022 11:17

Instead of going to great lengths to cover up this relatively minor issue, or gaslighting your DH into thinking he lost it or something, just be honest with your DH. It is not the end of the world. In the grand scheme, this is a small thing and you have confirmed your DH is not likely to be violent or aggressive, just sulk which is something we all do a bit. Suggest getting an automatic door closer (as a PP said) and let him know you are actively seeking a replacement.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 26/09/2022 11:27

ScatteredMama82 · 26/09/2022 11:12

I can't quite believe some of the responses on here. The guy didn't 'leave it lying around'. It was in his own office FGS. If my DH got a dog I didn't want, then didn't train it not to destroy stuff in the house, I'd be pretty unhappy about that.
If said DH then also lied/hid the truth from me I'd be livid.

Yes, it was in his office, not somewhere just abandoned (lying around) BUT it was still on the floor, not somewhere safe & HE gave the dog access to his office (by choosing not to shut the door).

The dog is still too young to be reliably trained not to chew cardboard & some dogs, despite training still shred.

18 months ago he agreed to get a dog (or at least accepted the OP was getting one). He had choices. He has choices now, he can leave the OP & the dog he loves. Or he can simply shut the fucking door!

when did it become SI difficult for an a grown man to shut a fucking door??

mydogisthebest · 26/09/2022 11:27

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/09/2022 10:18

If its his work space, separate from the rest of the family home, then he can keep it in any state he likes. The dog shouldn't be in there.

No the dog should not be in there so DH should close the door. He is an adult so hardly difficult for him

Original poster
fruitstick · 26/09/2022 11:32

DH is happy for the dog to go in there when he is working, so it's not like I can train the dog not to go in there at all!

DH also often can't be arsed to take things off the dog that he shouldn't have. The dog is always nicking things out of his bin.

So as much as a I try to train the dog, I'm having less success training DH.

OP posts:
WhiskerPatrol · 26/09/2022 11:32

Both you and your dog sound like arseholes, frankly. Why did you get one if DH didn't want it?

LaPerduta · 26/09/2022 11:33

That sounds like it would cost many times as much as the original print!

mydogisthebest · 26/09/2022 11:34

MelodyPondsMum · 26/09/2022 10:45

I don't think your DH should have to tidy his office floor and shut doors for a dog that isn't his and that he never wanted. You need to find a better way to manage and control your dog.
As for the print, look on resale sites too.

Well I guess he doesn't have to tidy his office floor if he wants to be a messy slob but he should close the door. It is totally his fault for being stupid enough to leave it open.

Tough shit that it isn't his dog. It chews, he knows that and yet leaves the door to his office open with mess on the floor! How clever of him.

Some dogs chews, some don't. I have 2 dogs one 9 and one 10. The 10 year old has never ever chewed anything not even a dog toy (he just plays with them) and the 9 year old has always been a chewer. He is much much better now but will still chew if things are left in his reach. He has had several trainers, they have all given up on him. He was horrendously abused before we got him so not sure if that has something to do with it

mydogisthebest · 26/09/2022 11:37

WhiskerPatrol · 26/09/2022 11:32

Both you and your dog sound like arseholes, frankly. Why did you get one if DH didn't want it?

No, you are quite clearly the arsehole. Nothing to do with you how OP and DH live their lives.

If you read the OP's posts properly you will see she says her DH now loves the dog and also that he is happy for the dog to be in his office when he is working in there. If he hated the dog he would hardly want it in his office would he?

To be honest dogs are much nicer than most humans

Superunknown1 · 26/09/2022 11:42

Some of the posters recommending going to massive lengths to hide this, how would you feel if your other half lied and went to such efforts to hide it? If your other half is just going to be grumpy then I would tell him, the only thing that I think would justify deceit is if you were genuinely afraid of his reaction (in which case, there are bigger issues than a shredded up print). I would be really upset if my partner was considering forging a signature to trick me, or basically gaslighting me into thinking I’d thrown something of mine away when I hadn’t.

Fair enough he should have shut the door, does he normally do that or did he just forget once and the dog got in? Can you get a dog trainer to help remedy the chewing?

noirchatsdeux · 26/09/2022 11:43

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whynotwhatknot · 26/09/2022 11:44

why is it so hard for him to close a bloody door-thats got nothing to with mh-i had a cat if i didnt want her in a certain room i closed the door

Musti · 26/09/2022 11:46

Your husband is a grown man. If he doesn’t shut his door and leaves stuff within reach of a dog that chews, that’s on him.

When my dog was going through a chewing stage, he did destroy some of the kids’ stuff. They soon learned!

I wouldn’t do anything op. Let him deal with it. This is on him.

been and done it. · 26/09/2022 11:48

fruitstick · 26/09/2022 11:32

DH is happy for the dog to go in there when he is working, so it's not like I can train the dog not to go in there at all!

DH also often can't be arsed to take things off the dog that he shouldn't have. The dog is always nicking things out of his bin.

So as much as a I try to train the dog, I'm having less success training DH.

My world too...my boy shuffled out the open gate once again and hurtled around the Close with myself and DH in hot mortifying pursuit for what seemed like hours simply because DH can't be trained.
In your position I think I'd maybe keep quiet until he remembers it and starts looking but in the meantime hope you get a result from the artist or treat him to something else he's always fancied as a consolation prize or maybe even better.

BlackSwan · 26/09/2022 11:49

Buy another sort of similar one, replace it, and feign ignorance when he claims it's not his goldfish/bunny

CrystalCoco · 26/09/2022 11:49

I'm confrontation averse and in this situation I would be happy to bin the print & tube with the intention to lie my arse off if questioned about it's whereabouts - especially if there's a good chance he 's forgotten about the print and the chances of me and DDog getting found out are slim.

MayMi · 26/09/2022 11:52

Tell him - it will keep him from leaving stuff on the floor in the future

CrystalCoco · 26/09/2022 11:53

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Wow no need to be so aggressive - reported so hopefully your comment will be removed soon.

Discovereads · 26/09/2022 11:53

I also think you should tell him what happened and say how you’re trying to buy him a replacement. It’s only fair as your dog destroyed something that is special to him. I know he’s got poor mental health now, but honestly being lied to or gaslit by your partner is much harder to deal with mentally than a dog chewing something of yours. And one thing I know is that lies are always uncovered in the end.

ScentOfSawdust · 26/09/2022 11:55

Of course YABU.

Ridiculously childish to either hope he never notices, or try to cover it up in some way. I’d be absolutely furious if I found out my partner knew something of mine had been destroyed but hadn’t owned up.

If you honestly think this is his fault then why on earth wouldn’t you want to tell him? Surely it would only encourage him to keep his stuff safe from the dog in future.

Discovereads · 26/09/2022 11:56

Has no one had a dog that can open doors? I have.

DameHelena · 26/09/2022 11:57

You have to tell him. But 'there might be some sulking'; he sounds pathetic.
Also 'He's not good at being responsible for stuff and loves someone/something else to blame.' but he leaves his office door open.
He sounds like a PITA.
I'd tell him and then pre-empt any sulking by telling him how childish such behaviour is, and reminding him that he left the door open. On repeat, if necessary.

SleeplessInEngland · 26/09/2022 11:59

Can't believe the number of 'hope he doesn't realise' posts. That's something an 8 year old would do. Be a grown-up, tell him and hope he realises that doors can't be left open.

(I would never get a dog with a partner who wasn't on board because I know how much work it would be and how unfair it is on them, but that's a different topic.)

BanannaSplitz · 26/09/2022 12:00

Are you worried about his reaction and consequent behaviour towards the dog?

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