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AIBU?

Family want to take my children on holiday but we don't feel comfortable

232 replies

lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 12:35

I've got three DC aged 5, 7, 11. My family live locally apart from my brother who lives in Melbourne.

We are very lucky to be able to take our kids on holiday a couple of times each year and to give them experiences. We love taking them away and spending time with them but there's only one issue.

My family members (parents and brother) have expressed an interest in taking our children on holidays annually. This wouldn't be together - my parents want to take my kids on a separate trip to the one my brother wants to do.

DH and I have several issues with this

  1. my parents live locally and can see their grandkids whenever they want so why do they need to take the kids away abroad (they have emphasised it would be abroad) every year. We don't want our kids to be spoilt and would rather they get quality time than two weeks in a school holiday somewhere.
  2. My brother wants my kids to visit but because he lives in Australia he has barely seen them. We've suggested we all take a family trip but he has no interest and wants to have 121 quality time with the kids without us there? It's a long way for my kids to go to see someone they don't know.

    We very much like taking our kids away when we can and spending family time together. We don't want to deprive them of opportunities but this is not something we feel comfortable with but family members have emphasised that this is important to them. Feels like they're trying to tell us how to parent. Not sure how to handle this.

    So AIBU to say no?
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Fraaahnces · 25/09/2022 12:36

Hell no! Especially throwing them at an uncle they’ve never met. Not appropriate.

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Dannexe · 25/09/2022 12:39

yanbu. Just laugh and say no to your brother. I’d say “no way, if you want us to visit we will all come over but I’m not sending them on their own”. No more explanation needed. If he says he wants one on one time with them say “you can take them out for the afternoon when we are visiting” if he says he wants them for longer just laugh and say “get your own kids”

Parents is slightly trickier. I’d maybe say “perhaps, when the youngest is a bit older”, and then change the subject.

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Crunchymum · 25/09/2022 12:42

I don't get it? Your post isn't clear.

Your parents want to take all the kids to Melbourne without you?

Your brother wants to take them away on his own?

I don't get what exactly is being proposed but it would be a no from me if it involves going all the way to Australia without me and spending time with a random person they barely know on their own.

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andtheweedonkey · 25/09/2022 12:42

"Thanks very much for your generous offer, but we prefer to holiday together as a family of 5."
End of conversation - they don't have access to passports so they can bugger off.

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andtheweedonkey · 25/09/2022 12:43

Oh, and if your Bro is the instigator of this, maybe he should travel to you...

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Bigsislookingforadvice · 25/09/2022 12:44

With respect to your parents & other family it's not about what's important to them - it's what you, DH, kids are happy with.
A firm no is easier to move on from that maybes, later and or other suggestions - people thrive were boundaries aren't clear. Like said above if they want 121 so much get your own !

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abigailsnan · 25/09/2022 12:46

A definite no from me the whole scenario does not sit right with me tell them "thanks but no thanks"

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SeaToSki · 25/09/2022 12:47

So your brother wants you to put your 5, 7 and 11 year olds on a plane to Australia as unaccompanied minors to visit an uncle they have never met before.

And he wants to pick them up, deal with jet lack, home sickness and feeding and entertaining 3 primary dc that he has never met and thinks its a good idea

Bonkers

Your parents taking dc on a two week trip somewhere abroad without you is also crazy (but slightly less so than your brother since the dc do actually know them). Do your parents dislike you and your DH? Why would they not want you all to go somewhere all together?

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Pinkdelight3 · 25/09/2022 12:48

No way. Of course you don't feel comfortable. They're your kids and you want to be with them, that's why you had them. Day trips with other family, fine. Holidays together with other family, fine if you want to, not if you don't. But giving your kids to others to take abroad - um, thanks for the offer mum/dad/brother, but no thanks. We want to be together on holiday.

YANBU at all to say no. The brother one is particularly weird. It's weird of him/them to not get why it's weird! And creepy, in fact, to try to make out it's you that has the problem.

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Hankunamatata · 25/09/2022 12:48

I wouldn't mind grandparents taking kids for a week in the uk (somewhere I could get to in an emergency) as they would love it. Australia - your brothers a bit deluded.

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hedgehoglurker · 25/09/2022 12:48

Crunchymum · 25/09/2022 12:42

I don't get it? Your post isn't clear.

Your parents want to take all the kids to Melbourne without you?

Your brother wants to take them away on his own?

I don't get what exactly is being proposed but it would be a no from me if it involves going all the way to Australia without me and spending time with a random person they barely know on their own.

I think the OP lives in Australia. The brother lives in Melbourne, which is in the same country, but far from OP.

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Dannexe · 25/09/2022 12:49

hedgehoglurker · 25/09/2022 12:48

I think the OP lives in Australia. The brother lives in Melbourne, which is in the same country, but far from OP.

No I think the OP is in the Uk

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hedgehoglurker · 25/09/2022 12:50

Whoops, no, didn't read properly. Sorry!

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lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 12:50

@Crunchymum @hedgehoglurker Just for clarity we live in the UK. My parents life in the next town (about 20 minutes away) my brother lives in Australia although is considering relocating to the US "to be closer to family" (our whole family is in the UK)

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lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 12:51

*live not life

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Pinkdelight3 · 25/09/2022 12:53

lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 12:50

@Crunchymum @hedgehoglurker Just for clarity we live in the UK. My parents life in the next town (about 20 minutes away) my brother lives in Australia although is considering relocating to the US "to be closer to family" (our whole family is in the UK)

Ha ha, yes, your bro sounds very family-oriented. I'd laugh off any hint that you're the ones being unreasonable. He can come and visit your DC in the UK if he gives a shit.

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Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2022 12:53

Your brother is insane, and you have to stop being concerned about justifying your decisions. You and your husband aren't comfortable with this and the answer is no. End of discussion.

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FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 25/09/2022 12:55

Well the brother thing is mad.
I would have let my kids go away with my parents/in laws. Why not?

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holidaynightmare · 25/09/2022 12:56

If your children don't want to go I'll gladly send mine 🤪

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holidaynightmare · 25/09/2022 12:57

My brother takes mine to McDonald's for me if I'm lucky I'd love a proper break!

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bellac11 · 25/09/2022 12:58

Why does brother/parents want to do this anyway?

Why?

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Thereisnolight · 25/09/2022 12:59

Harden your heart and take control of your own children.

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KTheGrey · 25/09/2022 13:03

How very odd. You are their parents and their immediate family; of course you want to spend time with them and of course you get to say no to them spending time alone with other relations.
So what if it's important to them? Your parents had their own children and your brother can have his own or go without. Your children don't exist to supply their grandparents or uncle with grandchildren or neices/nephews.

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35965a · 25/09/2022 13:05

Your family are weird, especially your brother. They’re your kids, just say no. No further explanation or discussion required.

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rainyechoes · 25/09/2022 13:05

Are your children girls?

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