AIBU?
Family want to take my children on holiday but we don't feel comfortable
lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 12:35
I've got three DC aged 5, 7, 11. My family live locally apart from my brother who lives in Melbourne.
We are very lucky to be able to take our kids on holiday a couple of times each year and to give them experiences. We love taking them away and spending time with them but there's only one issue.
My family members (parents and brother) have expressed an interest in taking our children on holidays annually. This wouldn't be together - my parents want to take my kids on a separate trip to the one my brother wants to do.
DH and I have several issues with this
- my parents live locally and can see their grandkids whenever they want so why do they need to take the kids away abroad (they have emphasised it would be abroad) every year. We don't want our kids to be spoilt and would rather they get quality time than two weeks in a school holiday somewhere.
- My brother wants my kids to visit but because he lives in Australia he has barely seen them. We've suggested we all take a family trip but he has no interest and wants to have 121 quality time with the kids without us there? It's a long way for my kids to go to see someone they don't know.
We very much like taking our kids away when we can and spending family time together. We don't want to deprive them of opportunities but this is not something we feel comfortable with but family members have emphasised that this is important to them. Feels like they're trying to tell us how to parent. Not sure how to handle this.
So AIBU to say no?
StaunchMomma · 25/09/2022 13:44
Your reasons for not wanting this are moot, really - it's YOUR choice if they go or not, no need to have to supply reasons for your decision at all.
Who in their right mind would send their kids to the other end of the World on their own, to stay with a family member they don't even know?!! It's ridiculous and frankly rude that your brother doesn't want to see you as a family.
Iknowforsure1 · 25/09/2022 13:46
No thanks. No one takes my children abroad without me or DH present and there is NO need for them to insist on this arrangement. It’s just inappropriate and may I say creepy, unless you specifically asked for it due to circumstances etc. Say No firmly. Your children are no deprived of anything.
BowiesJumper · 25/09/2022 13:55
I’m one of three and my grandparents used to take us away one at a time in the UK for 3/4 nights to a hotel. Places like Bath or Stratford upon Avon etc. We all used to love it. I can’t remember how they rotated it but it was all fair. I think it was from around age of 8 or so.
But any longer than a week would be a bit much. And you’re right that the Aus trips/ with your bro would be bonkers.
Kissingfrogs25 · 25/09/2022 13:56
I wouldn’t even consider allowing my children to holiday with anyone until they were solidly teenagers and able to handle themselves well.
I would thank them for their kind offer but say you prefer that your children holiday with you. End of.
You do not need to explain or worry, they are your children op, and you make all of the decisions when it comes to their care,
Nancydrawn · 25/09/2022 14:04
OP, with the added context that you did this all the time with your grandparents, I'm not surprised that your parents suggested this.
You can certainly still say no, of course! But it sounds like a bit of a family tradition.
I'll say that I was frequently sent to my grandparents' summer house with them for a couple weeks each year, and it never did me any harm. In fact, my parents were delighted for the free time. It would, I suppose, be classed as a holiday.
As for your brother, I'm not sure why everyone seems to be implying that he's a creep (or, at worst, an incestuous pedophile). You know him best. Is he prone to half-baked schemes and/or deeply devoted to the idea of being 'fun' and hard to pin down? I find the description of him annoying but not sinister (though of course if you have concerns, listen to your gut).
Sixtyfourteen · 25/09/2022 14:06
I think it's very good for children to have time away from parents occasionally, experiencing a different way of life, making closer ties with other adults, etc. And I can understand the GPs wanting to have the children on their own. It's very different from having the parents there too.
Frazzled2207 · 25/09/2022 14:10
- grandparents taking them for a weekend somewhere not too far away- fine
- grandparents taking them further afield once they are a bit older- fine if occasional and all was well with 1.
- any/all of your kids flying alone to Australia (or with the grandparents) to see a brother they barely know- never
Kissingfrogs25 · 25/09/2022 14:11
Sixtyfourteen · 25/09/2022 14:06
I think it's very good for children to have time away from parents occasionally, experiencing a different way of life, making closer ties with other adults, etc. And I can understand the GPs wanting to have the children on their own. It's very different from having the parents there too.
You don’t think it is as huge ask to demand that it is overseas? If bonding is the aim that can take place anywhere.
Goldbar · 25/09/2022 14:11
I would ask your parents to try a long weekend away with your kids in the UK first. Tbh, I wouldn't have any concerns with my parents taking DC away abroad for a week because I know my mother would be absolutely neurotic about pool/beach safety etc. DC would never be out of sight/arm's length! For that reason, I'd probably refuse - it wouldn't be a holiday for her and she'd be anxious the whole time.
Does your brother have any experience of looking after young children?
OvertiredandConfused · 25/09/2022 14:12
Australia, without you, just no!
Grandparents is trickier. It comes down to family norms, what you are comfortable with and what they DC would enjoy.
My DC went to France for two weeks with my parents, sister and her family (she has children the same age and they are close) when they were about 10 and 12. They all loved it and it really helped with childcare in the school holidays! But they know my folks well and they live locally. We won’t have done the same with DH parents.
mam0918 · 25/09/2022 14:13
Why arent you invited?
I had similar with my family, always inviting me and kids on holiday but not DH, apparently it would make them 'uncomfortable' as hes not 'their' family. So non of those holidays ever happened because to me holidays are about family and DH very much IS our family.
I would find it wierd they only invited the kids and not you though, really strange.
Goldbar · 25/09/2022 14:13
As for your brother, I'm not sure why everyone seems to be implying that he's a creep (or, at worst, an incestuous pedophile). You know him best. Is he prone to half-baked schemes and/or deeply devoted to the idea of being 'fun' and hard to pin down? I find the description of him annoying but not sinister (though of course if you have concerns, listen to your gut).
This. Unless there's a back story, he just sounds a bit clueless. It would serve him right if you took him up on his offer, but you'd probably end up having to fly out yourselves and rescue everyone!
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