AIBU?
Family want to take my children on holiday but we don't feel comfortable
lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 12:35
I've got three DC aged 5, 7, 11. My family live locally apart from my brother who lives in Melbourne.
We are very lucky to be able to take our kids on holiday a couple of times each year and to give them experiences. We love taking them away and spending time with them but there's only one issue.
My family members (parents and brother) have expressed an interest in taking our children on holidays annually. This wouldn't be together - my parents want to take my kids on a separate trip to the one my brother wants to do.
DH and I have several issues with this
- my parents live locally and can see their grandkids whenever they want so why do they need to take the kids away abroad (they have emphasised it would be abroad) every year. We don't want our kids to be spoilt and would rather they get quality time than two weeks in a school holiday somewhere.
- My brother wants my kids to visit but because he lives in Australia he has barely seen them. We've suggested we all take a family trip but he has no interest and wants to have 121 quality time with the kids without us there? It's a long way for my kids to go to see someone they don't know.
We very much like taking our kids away when we can and spending family time together. We don't want to deprive them of opportunities but this is not something we feel comfortable with but family members have emphasised that this is important to them. Feels like they're trying to tell us how to parent. Not sure how to handle this.
So AIBU to say no?
LetMeSpeak · 25/09/2022 13:07
The parents one isn’t bad imho and I would happily do it if my parents offered (if my DCs were your age).
However the brother one is ridiculous. Unaccompanied children to Australia?! Surely you should go their first with the DCs and once they are older then maybe they can make that decision. Does your brother have any children of his own because if he doesn’t it makes it even more strange in my opinion.
lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 13:08
bellac11 · 25/09/2022 12:58
Why does brother/parents want to do this anyway?
Why?
Growing up both my sets of grandparents lived abroad (France and Italy) for about 7 years. As kids we went on holiday to visit them alone and they'd take us around Europe and now my family want to do a similar thing with our kids.
My parents are less of an issue in this as I think we could come to a compromise and my kids absolutely love their grandparents. It's my brother where there's the problem. They've only met him twice (youngest not at all)
PorridgewithQuark · 25/09/2022 13:11
Your children can visit your brother alone when they're young adults (perfect opportunity for an 18, 19 or 20 year old, not for a 5, 7 or 11 year old!). Before that a family trip would be lovely if you can afford it, at a stretch a trip for secondary aged children with the local grandparents - it's too far for primary school children to go without a parent.
Your brother is, quite frankly, being quite strange and unrealistic expecting you to send a 5 year old to Australia without a parent so he (an adult) can have unsupervised access.
Holidays with the grandparents whom they know are a bit different and less clear cut but of course if you're uncomfortable with the idea say no, or say UK long weekend first, or say not before secondary age and build up to the week abroad with a few UK long weekends first or wait til the child has experience of being away from you for more than a couple of nights somewhere nearer, say on a school trip, before jumping in at the deep end.
Your brother's request can be dismissed out of hand though, it barely seems as though it could be a real expectation.
SeamsLegit · 25/09/2022 13:22
Gotta listen to your instincts... That's why you have them! What's more important, other people's (even family) feelings or your children's safety? Something is telling you it's not right, so please listen to that. Be pleasant but firm, "no sorry, we just don't like that idea." Even add "we've discussed it, and our decision is final." if pressed. As parents, it is YOUR decision. I honestly think it's a bit cheeky too
Blanketpolicy · 25/09/2022 13:25
Sending kids long haul to visit an uncle they don't know is a non-starter.
Loving, competent dgp wanting to take their dgc on holiday during school holidays I would love to happen, assuming they all get on well together. As long as your own holidays don't clash I don't see a problem with that one and your kids will be very fortunate (which is entirely different from spoiled).
Tomorrowisalatterday · 25/09/2022 13:29
Of course your kids your decision but your rationale seems strange to me - you don't want them to be spoilt? If you just didn't think your parents could handle the kids or wouldn't want them so far from you, fair enough but your OP makes it sound like you think the kids might have too much fun 😀
I definitely wouldn't with the brother they hardly know but as someone who hasn't had a night away from their kids since 2016, I would love it if grandparents they were comfortable with wanted to take them away.
lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 13:32
@Tomorrowisalatterday just to clarify we don't have a problem DGP taking the kids away fro a weekend to begin with and don't suspect they'd spoil them. But obviously if we agreed to everything (including what brother wants) our kids going off to Australia every now and again and their DGPs taking them abroad on holidays too seems like a lot.
I feel more confident in saying no about my brother now that it is quite clear he's being unreasonable. RE my parents it's about building it up 😃 we were never firmly against that one. It's just both situations have come up at the same time
greenhousegal · 25/09/2022 13:34
Am I reading anything between the lines here regarding the brother and the kids? Probably not, sorry I couldn't help it as his request is so bizarre.
I'd say to him, OK we will all go together (+ granny and grandad) and have a great time away somewhere nice, or they won't be seeing you at all. Your choice mate.
Tomorrowisalatterday · 25/09/2022 13:35
lovingmother82 · 25/09/2022 13:32
@Tomorrowisalatterday just to clarify we don't have a problem DGP taking the kids away fro a weekend to begin with and don't suspect they'd spoil them. But obviously if we agreed to everything (including what brother wants) our kids going off to Australia every now and again and their DGPs taking them abroad on holidays too seems like a lot.
I feel more confident in saying no about my brother now that it is quite clear he's being unreasonable. RE my parents it's about building it up 😃 we were never firmly against that one. It's just both situations have come up at the same time
I don't really understand what you mean by "too much"? I don't really think kids can have too much time on holiday - they would still get plenty of time at home, 13 weeks of school holidays!
MimiSunshine · 25/09/2022 13:38
If my brother lived in Australia and wanted my kids to go to him alone for a holiday from the UK. I’d just laugh and tell him that was a ridiculous suggestion.
if he was genuinely serious I’d ask him if he was feeling ok and just say ‘no, putting 3 young children on a flight to aus alone is absurd, regardless of the fact they haven’t spent any time with you.’
as for your parents, suggest a few weekends / weeks away in the U.K. first with a view to building up to a week abroad so they and they kids can see how it goes
LilacPoppy · 25/09/2022 13:41
Why does everyone assume the brother is a peadophile? Are your own relatives that uninvolved with your dc that's the leap you all make?
op I would let them go to Australia alone simply due to distance no other reason. I would absolutely let your dc have the experiences and memories from your childhood with grandparents.
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