To ask how messy your house really is?

[BingBingGoAway]

My life is total chaos. I have 2DS under 4 and I work full time in a job that needs me to check stuff in evenings.

And my life is a total mess. And I mean - not in a classis 'oh it's so disorganised way' - in a unclean bathroom, car is disgusting, kids live on fish fingers way.

I don't understand. Are people doing housework and cooking late at night?

I leave work, pick up the kids, dinner, bath, bed - all of which are usually pretty hectic. Probably one of them will have a tantrum which will result in something getting messed up.

Then eat myself at 8pm or so. And then I watch telly until 9.30pm and then I go to bed to deal with night wakes and 5.30 start.

DH works away a lot of the time. Weekends seem to slip away. Do people manage to do things when they have 2 small DC - I can't leave mine for more than 5 mins really. And the small one just clings to me constantly. He won't let me go.

WHERE IS THE TIME?

I promise you - it's not usual levels of mess. it's making me so stressed. Every where I look there is dust, dirt, random socks.

I think I need to stop looking at Stacy Solomon on Instagram.

Any tips at all? How do I get on top of my life?

Things that stick out for me is to meal plan, get groceries delivered. Create habits so when the kids batch clean the bathroom, while the kettle boils wipe the counters, get a loaf of washing in a day. So wash through the night & hang out in a morning before work.

you could also do some less meaningful tasks while you watch tv, ironing, pairing socks etc.

I might even consider planning a big decluttering one weekend. Get the kids involved.

get yourself a cleaner, and eat with the kid mama.

also. That’s a lot of hours to be working with 2 small children. could you change your hours? Cut down, start your own business so you have some flexibility?

I hope this helps.

I fairly recently discovered that some people actually like tidying, cleaning and organising. I don’t, so I prioritise having a cleaner over most other things. I’m not naturally tidy and have a constant battle with myself about this. My husband is tidy, and his nagging/exasperation helps me to remember to pick stuff up. But I am still quite bad at it.

I think you can learn not to dislike some household tasks. Life is too short.
Cleaners are fine, but most won't orgainse space or put clothes away.
OH and I are naturall untidy- he has ADD, so particularly bad.
Between us we have organised our home so there is a place for absolutely everything, so tidying up can be done without too much thought. We each take care of specific tasks that we have "ownership" of.
So OH is the one who usually empties the dishwasher in the morning, I take care of all the laundry.
My biggest bugbear was putting away clean laundry- it would pile up and really disliked the task.
I have turned it into a time to self soothe and do some mindfulness.
I make a tea, light a scented candle, play some music or listen to affirmations, and take my time to fold, make piles, hang things up in a gentle methodical way.
I enjoy the task now!
My late FIL would do similar on a Sunday afternoon doing his ironing.. Although him and MIL had a cleaner he would shut himself in a room with a large glass of sherry and listen to the Archers Omnibus editions on the radio and do his weekly ironing.
I had a secret admiration for him, how he could turn a mundane activity into a pleasure spot!

Oh boy, your post resonates with me. We have 2 DCs under three, a house renovation and we work full time with no help.

I clear up both on the go and while DH does bathtime. Our house is still a total tip but at least where I spend my evenings isn't too bad as I've had that child-free time to tidy.

Everything is filthy though. I've considered a cleaner but they're just so expensive round here (£70+ for two hours!!). I can't remember the last time I hoovered.

I would book a professional deep clean, full house all in one go and organise a reset, tidy and decluttered and then start very small. Half an hour a day from then on.

Invest in a robot vacuum and a robot that mops floor so your house feels clean and vacuumed every night.

Routine is your friend: Saturday morning is always a housekeeping morning - laundry, cleaning and prep for the week ahead, kids can help and then everyone goes out for the afternoon for a family treat/outing/walk in the park.

If I had company over suddenly I would be mortified 😆! I have two young kids and my house is a mess . I will say though that my bathrooms and kitchen are always clean . I have standards there ! Toys and junk are everywhere though and I’m constantly cleaning cleaning cleaning ! Every once and a while I catch up and my house looks incredible but it doesn’t last . I clean in the mornings ( either before the kids wake ) or when the kids wake up because thats when I have the most energy. Kids sometimes “help”
but they are happy to play on their own while I do it . I clean the kitchen in the evening and then use the rest of the time for myself .

I keep reminding myself this stage will pass and I’ll one day have a clean home again !

It's tidy and clutter free. I do the hoovering and dusting during the week and fully clean the bathroom and kitchen every morning (immunocompromised so have to).

I'm usually up by 4am getting painkillers, so I do the kitchen then and then back to bed with painkillers and coffee. Bathroom will be done when OH does school run with the youngest. Eldest is now in Uni, so I don't have to do college run. After the bathroom I'll hoover the house and then start work, should be all done by 8:30.

I'm a clean and de-clutter freak, so I don't mind doing this.

Declutter regularly. If you have less stuff and everything has a place its so much easier to keep tidy.
If you can afford a cleaner do it. I can only afford ours once a month but she does the house top to bottom.
Tidy as you move from room to room. Whenever i go up or downstairs I take something with me and put it away.
Stop pointless time-consuming things like ironing.
Batch cook, use a slow cooker, find quick healthy foods such as omlette.
Check out The Organised Mum Method. Its a way of kewping on top of cleaning by doing 15 mins a day.
Kick your family into gear. Your kids. An help. Your husband should be doing his fair share.
Lower expectations. Dont look at picture perfect homes as it will just depress you.

Another shout for cleaning and tidying as you go, bath a couple of times a week for the kids and sit down and eat with them.

I do have a cleaner who comes in twice a month to do a big hoover and mop and deeper clean on the kitchen and bathroom but in between I wipe the bathroom and toilet down after we've used it, use a stick hoover downstairs (no shoes or pets upstairs so we don't bother in between cleaner visits), clean the hob after using it, wipe surfaces as I go.

And I offer incentives (definitely not bribes!) to the kids to muck in with putting toys and books away, hoover crumbs, clear and wipe the table etc. Haven't found a way to keep DH on track yet but I'm working on it.....

Assuming your kids are in childcare, do you work from home? Does your DH do his fair share?

I work 4 days a week and have DS off with me on my day off. Housework gets split between me and DH, we mostly both WFH and do chores during lunch time, in the evenings and on weekends.

If you can afford it, get a cleaner. Don’t sit down to watch TV until you and DH have sorted the kitchen after DC are in bed, get DC to help tidy away their toys.

It’s weird that on one thread you will have people saying you need you time etc when someone is posting that they’re struggling but on another you’re judged for watching 90 mins of telly.

My house is MESSY OP. I don’t like it and it’s not how I want it but it’s the way it is just now. I have my 1-2 hours sitting down time because I actually couldn’t cope with life if I didn’t!

I always try and remind myself that the norms were set when generally only one adult in the house worked. We’re trying to keep up these norms when only being in our houses and awake for 4ish hours per day during the week!

This! 🙌🏻 I agree with all of it. Hang on in there. Don't let criticism get you down. Sometimes you just need to do what you have to do to stay sane. I know I do. Sometimes it gets better and it shows in the house. But not easy and certainly the physical as well as mental load is huge. I try to remember to do stuff that will give me some energy... (like take my vitamin D). Solidarity mostly 💕

I do think that life has reached a pretty weird state where people are doing housework till bedtime and haven’t watched telly in ten years.

I’m reaching the view that having two parents working outside the house full time, with the work of running a family tucked in around the edges, just isn’t a sustainable model any more.

I have chronic procrastination (I think it's related to my ADHD) and what helps me is to put on an audio book or podcast on wireless ear buds and then just work through the mess.

But after work is when I have the least energy. Could you go to bed earlier and get up early and do the downstairs?

What does DH actually do when he's here?

A lot of it is never ever leaving dirt and mess when you see it if it can be done quickly. The second part is not sitting down until the dishwasher is loaded, kitchen wiped down, and a wash hung out and new one on. After a while the habit sticks and it gets a lot quicker so it's only a 20 min or so job.

Basically the moment you let something slide it all snowballs and it's much much harder to catch up. Accepting that and that acknowledging that it's rubbish but that doesn't change it makes a huge difference.

If you work full time with two small kids I would prioritise a cleaner. Even if they only came once a fortnight.
Other than that, try reduce the mess occuring in the first place. Sounds like you are out of the house the whole day, so how much mess can you really make?
But our house is pretty messy too and I have much more time at home than you do. Plus I have a weekly cleaner.

I second investigating a cleaner - even for one hour a week. You can work alongside her and achieve a lot during that time. I struggled with justifying the investment too, but it's been life changing in that it gives you structure. She is a neighbour and my secret ally. Get ruthless with kids tidying up after themselves. I am ruthless about hygiene in kitchen - but there's a lot of untidiness outside of that. Also, get the book Peepo and read it to your kids. I remember loving that book because the pictures in it showed a "lived in" home as opposed to sterile perfection. And remember, you will hopefully have decades of order when your kids are grown and gone - it's not forever.

Sounds like you need to reduce your hours ..you can put in a flexible working request to your employer .
having two children that young and working full time just doesn’t work in my experience
Or I would look for something part time universal credit can top up any wages.. Mental health is more important Including you spending quality time with your children.

try batch cooking meals and freezing them in portions and heating Them up in the microwave for easy healthy meals, Plus warming in the microwave is cheaper than warming Up in the oven…
Allocate one of your weekend days for cleaning out the car get the kids to help
Same with the bathroom, Have to force yourself to put work out of your mind for one day
Keep the bathroom tidy try getting one of those caddies which hold all the toiletries on, Try not to leave too much stuff around the bath because it just builds up, Spraying some bathroom cleaner wipe and rinse off becomes Easier as you’re not constantly moving stuff out the way

@Banana2079 thats a simplistic way of looking at it. Not everyone is in the bracket where universal credit would just step in and top up their wages if they decide to shed a few hours. I bloody wish!! Apologies if I have missed a post from the OP implying she is in this bracket!! I skimmed the thread.

I do agree though that full time with kids is hard especially with a parent working away. Even though my kids are older with school runs and evening activities it’s not doable.

@Banana2079 OP has not indicated concern about the amount of time she spends with her kids, but about her house. Why do you insist on making that the issue here? Are you also concerned about her OH's mental health based on the amount of time he spends with their kids?

I watch background netflix stuff while I clean. I keep cleaning stuff where it needs to be so if the mood strikes I can fo it there and then. I clean the bathroom while supervising bath time, put laundry away as kids dress. I plan when to do chores so they become habit. X

Yeah I make dinner, put the kids to bed and then around 8.30 spend half an hour sorting the dishwasher, tidying up the toys and so on. It's only a surface clean really, the house is still a mess.

I force myself to go upstairs with a bin bag every now and then, it is amazing the amount of stuff that sits about up there (empty shampoo bottles, stray toilet roll tubes, tags from clothes that have been cut off type things) and a bottle of bleach to clean the loos with, I gather up dirty clothes lying in their little piles where they've been abandoned and throw them over the banister. Takes ten minutes and really helps the upstairs feel like less of a shit hole.

I haven’t read all the replies but OP my house is the same, Its always pretty disgusting, I feel like I am drowning in washing every day and to make matters worse we have 2 dogs and there is always dog hair everywhere.

I hate cleaning and always have, some people seem to get enjoyment out of it but I really have to force myself to do any cleaning at all and don’t even get the satisfaction of having a clean house once it’s done because the kids just make a mess again straight away.

I tend to designate a certain amount of time every day and set a timer on my phone eg on a weekday I will spend exactly 10 mins upstairs chucking washing in basket, picking up crap off the floor and making mine and youngest dc beds (older Dcs can do their own!) and giving the bathroom a quick once over. I will then spend 30 mins in the evening tidying and sweeping downstairs. One the timer on my phone goes off I let myself stop or will carry on if I feel like it. At weekends I will designate maybe an hour each day to cleaning and also make an effort to put all the washing away.

My house is still always a mess but this keeps on top of things a bit.

If you can afford it a cleaner has been a game changer for me (only in the past month) as it means I have to keep the house to a certain level of tidiness for them to come and clean.
if you can't afford a weekly clean maybe get someone to do a deep clean so you starting from a clean slate and can try and keep it clean from there, it is much easier when you are starting with a clean and tidy house.
Booking the cleaners for a deep clean meant I have to spend a few hours sorting things so they could clean which i know seems overwhelming but it is worth it.

Book some annual leave at work, send the kids to nursery/school as usual and get things sorted at home. Get that cleaning, cooking etc done. It’s definitely dry hard and you sound like you’re doing a great job so don’t be too hard on yourself or situation.

Doesnt sound great that your partner is always away working though, did you speak about that before having kids, for like extra help from family/friends??