To ask how messy your house really is?

[BingBingGoAway]

My life is total chaos. I have 2DS under 4 and I work full time in a job that needs me to check stuff in evenings.

And my life is a total mess. And I mean - not in a classis 'oh it's so disorganised way' - in a unclean bathroom, car is disgusting, kids live on fish fingers way.

I don't understand. Are people doing housework and cooking late at night?

I leave work, pick up the kids, dinner, bath, bed - all of which are usually pretty hectic. Probably one of them will have a tantrum which will result in something getting messed up.

Then eat myself at 8pm or so. And then I watch telly until 9.30pm and then I go to bed to deal with night wakes and 5.30 start.

DH works away a lot of the time. Weekends seem to slip away. Do people manage to do things when they have 2 small DC - I can't leave mine for more than 5 mins really. And the small one just clings to me constantly. He won't let me go.

WHERE IS THE TIME?

I promise you - it's not usual levels of mess. it's making me so stressed. Every where I look there is dust, dirt, random socks.

I think I need to stop looking at Stacy Solomon on Instagram.

Any tips at all? How do I get on top of my life?

Do a bit upstairs whilst DS in bath / getting ready for bed
Do a bit downstairs in the mornings
Batch cooking when possible to add to the freezer for ease
I do a top to bottom clean for a few hours a week

What strikes me about your post is that it all seems to be on you. Does your DH feel bad about the state of the house? What does he think he should do to change it? If he struggles with putting DC to bed, then surely it makes sense that he cleans and tidies while you do bed time? You can't do everything, its just not possible. You need to be working as a team to have any hope of getting on top of things if you are both working. If the money is there a cleaner is a good idea though. There is nothing nicer than coming home to an immaculate home once a week, and that is not just your expense.

You have it hard Op - working full time, DH away and 2 in nursery. Go easier on yourself.
I’d book some leave with DH and put kids in childcare and blitz house. Be ruthless. It’s so much easier with less stuff.
Can they eat tea at nursery. If you need to cook for them then all eat same. Have a set meal plan and online shopping list. It’s Wednesday it’s Bolognese, it’s Friday it’s oven fish & chips.
Weekends. Divide up into some fun some chores - one doing chores other one takes kids to park.
Cleaner if you can even fortnightly. Makes you keep tidy.

The only way is organisation, which is hard if it doesn't come naturally. I spend a lot of my life planning ahead - meal planning, meal prep, outfit prep, bag prep etc. Sunday is basically spent prepping so that the week goes smoothly. Lots of lists on my phone with due dates and reminders. Set days to do small cleaning jobs e.g. hoover on Thursdays and Sundays.

Mess wise, I have a zero tolerance with both myself and the kids on moving on to the next activity before tidying up. Things can unravel so quickly. Having all the toys out is fine but they all need to be put away before we turn on the TV, go out or go up to bed. Every night my partner and I go to bed with a tidy house because we spend at least an hour doing housework.

It's not fun 😂 But that's more fun to me than living in a pig sty because my mental health wouldn't cope with that.

Thank you so much for all your helpful comments.

I just feel shit about myself. I can't get it together. I went to soft play with my kids at the weekend and I realised I'd left my house in trainers with no socks. Probably because I couldn't find any clean socks. Or I didn't think about it. But I felt such shame. Grubby feet. Gross. Why am I not capable of having what I need to have? Or being organised.

I also think wine is a problem. I drink wine during the week and it means I just don't do anything. I need to iron a dress for tomorrow but I've drunk two glasses of wine and I can't face it. So I'll wear a crumpled dress or finding something rubbish last minute.

I need to make a change. Thank you for all your advice. I don't want to not have any down time but my current set up isn't working for me. My MH doesn't feel good.

Hey. Check out adhd. You’re overwhelmed. You do so much but completely dismiss it and focus on what you haven’t done.

Please talk to your partner OP. You are overwhelmed and exhausted and need more help than you're getting.

My dining room table was a mess for ages. I hadn't had a break or any me time for months and I was just overtired and depressed. I hired a babysitter for half a day and suddenly clearing the table was a total non-event.

You don't have anything to be ashamed of, you just need more support. Could you call a cleaning service? Honestly think to yourself lying on your deathbed - would you tell yourself to spend all this time feeling awful, or get help and start feeling better and living life?

Good luck x

Oh OP. I feel you. I have to search my house for socks every day because it’s so chaotic. To live the kind of life where there are just a drawer full of paired up socks is like a dream to me. I really get it.

I'd honestly ditch the weekday wine. But don't do it to free up space to do stuff. Allow yourself two months of lazy evenings not drinking. By the end of that time limit you'll find you are doing more and those little jobs all add up.

Honestly don’t feel shit - you are doing loads and taking your children to soft play.
Living in a disorganised mess weighs you down. Honestly don’t feel guilty about using leave to get sorted.
Socks example I used to buy my dc same brand/colour no need to pair. Plus don’t have too many. Less everything is key.

I just wanted to add, that it's taken a while to get where you are, so it's going to take a while to get where you want to be.

Be realistic in what you set yourself to do. If you are feeling cluttered, investigate the TOMM method, she takes you through how to declutter before you start cleaning and provides tick lists to mark progress!

You know that you are not doing yourself any good drinking every night. Try drinking just on a weekend, you might actually find you feel better in every way for it. Drink is a known depressant and if you are feeling down it definitely won't be helping.

Finally, once you are sorted have a place for everything and everything in its place. We have a small house and this is the only way we can cope with stuff. The added Benefit is that we can always find what we want when we want it!

Yep, stop with the wine. It will be making you unproductive while/ after you drink it and the next day. And then you are just on repeat.

Don't swear the small stuff. Softplay with no socks happens. We can't be on top of everything. Give yourself a break. I think a couple of days to get on top of things - and just have a breather - sounds like a good idea.

You should look up Dana K White on YouTube and clutterbug and the minimal mom. They have really good tips and strategies. Please don't give up your downtime at night either you deserve to have a bit of time for yourself too. Burnout is very real. I started to declutter my house and anything I don't use I donated or binned which has made a huge difference and makes cleaning up much easier. Also check out the organised mom method it's a life saver and once you are on top of it you spend much less time cleaning x

Aw please don't feel bad about yourself. You made it to softplay I bet your kids had a blast too. Socks were a nightmare for me too for years... I recently bought sock organisers on amazon and went and bought loads of socks and spent an hour cleaning out the drawer and popping the socks in but now we always have socks it was worth the stress. Give yourself a break you work full time and look after smallies

Yeah short bursts of whatever needs done and accepting that you are not a machine.

I think I might have covid, if not I've got "something" and feel awful and my house is a tip. I will die of shame if anyone comes to the door but I suppose I can just tell them I've got covid and they can't come in. That's plan.

I admire you,I've always worked shifts and although exhausting,it meant cleaning,kids appointments,shopping was easier ,although after a night shift once I fell asleep polishing the legs on a chair😹!..when I had to do a few weeks nine to give it was a complete nightmare,there was no time to do anything so I really feel for you.in time it will get easier.💐