To ask how messy your house really is?

[BingBingGoAway]

My life is total chaos. I have 2DS under 4 and I work full time in a job that needs me to check stuff in evenings.

And my life is a total mess. And I mean - not in a classis 'oh it's so disorganised way' - in a unclean bathroom, car is disgusting, kids live on fish fingers way.

I don't understand. Are people doing housework and cooking late at night?

I leave work, pick up the kids, dinner, bath, bed - all of which are usually pretty hectic. Probably one of them will have a tantrum which will result in something getting messed up.

Then eat myself at 8pm or so. And then I watch telly until 9.30pm and then I go to bed to deal with night wakes and 5.30 start.

DH works away a lot of the time. Weekends seem to slip away. Do people manage to do things when they have 2 small DC - I can't leave mine for more than 5 mins really. And the small one just clings to me constantly. He won't let me go.

WHERE IS THE TIME?

I promise you - it's not usual levels of mess. it's making me so stressed. Every where I look there is dust, dirt, random socks.

I think I need to stop looking at Stacy Solomon on Instagram.

Any tips at all? How do I get on top of my life?

Others have probably said this but when looking after the kids at the weekend just do the stuff that needs to be done in the same room as them or move them to where you need to be to get on with the stuff that needs to be done. It took me ages to work out that they don’t need you to constantly entertain them (or be watching tv) if you can put on an audio book and get one of those water painting mats you can get on with things and they will be fine. If ness one in high chair and one out for a 20 minute blitz here and there. Also if you can get the stuff off the floor robot hoover and get rid of at least half the stuff (neither you nor they need it). Just keep very few things then less to clean. At birthdays and Christmas ask for vouchers and buy one thing or use the vouchers on stuff they really need. Tag team with partner if possible.

2 under 4 very hard work. Hats off to you.

Some of the time-saving tips here are great, but I cannot believe the number of people sacrificing an hour of sitting down in the evening (which ought to be two or three for good mental health IMO) just to have a clean tidy house all the time. It’s not necessary. Relaxation is.

I’ve never understood eating at different times , cook eat and clean up once , then play / bath/ bedtime

The house could do with a good hoover (It’s on my list for tomorrow, I swear). I usually have at least one pile of laundry on the go. My car is an absolute shithole full of takeaway coffee cups and scattered crisps (that the kids frequently eat off the floor) - I’ve got my MOT on Friday and I’m going to have to pay a small fortune for valeting before I can even take it to the garage.

My kids have an appalling diet. DS is a very (VERY) restrictive eater. DD eats with him and therefore ends up eating the same beige shite that DS will tolerate.

My kids are shattered by 5. They are usually asleep by 6/6.30. I can’t eat my dinner at 4.30! At least one of us usually exercises after they go to bed so eating later is just more practical. We try to do lunch together on days we’re at home, and breakfast obviously.

I had two kids and two stepsons who lived with us (but they were teens when mine came along).
I worked and my husband was away about a third of the time.
We had a cleaner - 4 hours a week and she did the bathrooms, floors and ironed.
My husband was very tidy. I left the teens to do their own laundry and keep their room tidy - if they kept it as a mess that was their problem.
The kitchen was clean before we went to bed.
Our house was big - we had a large livingroom, dining room and an eat in kitchen with a family room attached. The kids toys were in the family room and though there was a messy mountain, at least it was contained.
First: get the kids to that childminder, both you and your husband take time off and declutter the house. Be ruthless. Then set up a toy box in whatever room your kids play in. All toys go in there at the end of the day - the kids can help. If it doesn't fit or there's no space in their rooms, get rid.
After that, If you can't afford a regular cleaner, can you afford a one off deep clean? That will give you a baseline to work from.
Then follow these rules: do not put down put away
Do not go to bed with a messy kitchen.
Take the time while kids are in the bath to quickly wipe down the surfaces. You can be chatting to them while you do this - I don't advocate taking your time away from them. While you are doing this your husband can be cooking your dinner or doing some tidying too. Reverse roles occasionally- it's ridiculous he can't handle putting his own kids to bed.
After kids are in bed take 20 minutes to whip around picking up stray stuff - put laundry on, throw the kids toys in the box etc.
Then by all means take an hour to relax in the evening! Life is not one long drudge. Before bed you and hubby put kitchen right and get your clothes ready for the next day.
On the weekends husband takes kids to park or parents or wherever and you spend a couple hours do the vacuuming, change the sheets etc. Alternate this with your husband.
I think you are looking at everything and it's such a mess you don't know where to start so you just give up. Get it done properly once then it's maintenance.

When DS was little DH worked overseas a lot and I worked almost FT with a commute of around 30 mins each way. I had a cleaner, a large basket for toys in the main living room and never ironed a thing.

I also hate shopping and rarely buy stuff. I’m also allergic to many products so once I found what worked for me there has never been any trying of any new product ever. I regularly went through clothes and if really decent I used to sell through a dress agency, pre vinted days obviously. Or I give to the charity shop.

I had a weekly delivery of food with a saved list that had a few minor changes every week and bought my veg at the local market.

We always ate together and when DS was a little older we used to go out to dinner on the way home from nursery or school once a week. It’s good to eat with children and as they get older it becomes a time to chat.

It's just too much stuff you're trying to do. For most of history, women didn't work for as running a household is a full-time job in itself. In a lot of cases, women would also have help in the form of neighbours, mothers (granmothers of the children) etc chipping in too. A lot of women would have had children earlier too (than the average person today, not necessarily you), when they had more energy, and would have had older children to help them if they were still having babies themselves in their 30s or 40s. That's not the modern way obviously, as it not always possible, or women want pursuits outside of the house (which is obviously very good!). But what I mean is, the situation you are in is very difficult and historically unusual - so don't add to the burden by beating yourself up about it too.

For the record, I am lucky that I work part time (pregnant with a toddler and two house rabbits which are pretty messy) and have a partner with a regular 9-5. On the days I'm not at work work, the house is just about passable (not filthy but not nice enough to have people over). On days I am working, it immediately becomes an absolute sh*t tip. If partner is not working on Saturday he'll take the boy to the park and I'll blitz. If not, I get toddler to "help" clean (takes ages), or stick him in front of Bluey for a couple of hours if I'm desperate. But still, it's pretty bleak most of the time (dirt is good for children, right??).

One tip I read on MN ages ago that did actually really help with general tidiness - never leave a room / go up or downstairs without looking around to see if there's something you can take to the right place. Then you sort of tidy on the go without any extra effort going in to it.

Only tidy up once the kids are in bed

Try and have as many picnics with the kids I. E outdoors, as possible. Less indoor mess.

Try and keep the kids play area in one room, not the entire house

On the childrens food. I would have raw carrots and a cut up apple on the table for them to eat first before the beige comes out. No pressure if it’s not eaten.

Perhaps reverse the situation so your child who will eat the same as you does (and talk it up, we’re having that later, can’t wait…). The other person can have the beige but for their first bite they need to try a lick/mouthful of the stuff you are all eating (which will hopefully build up a bit of tolerance).

There would have to exceptional circumstances for me to be ok with my dh working away and leaving me as a single parent for the most part. You're getting a shitty deal there.

No way should you be giving up your only evening respite to take on more of the kids and household. This is your husbands problem to solve too.

It shouldn't be getting into such a state. Have a big tidy up then put things away each time you get them out.

Plan simple meals, use the slow cooker and batch cook.

Do you have a friend or relative who would be able to take the children out once a week so you can clean, and have a bit of a rest yourself?

If childcare costs are so high, would it be feasible to reduce your hours (or have your partner change job so he is home more, or reduce his hours)? Or one of your work nights, the other days, so the childcare bill is reduced and you can afford a cleaner?

I told my Ds (3) to put away his own cereal bowl this morning and he poured the old milk in the recycling bin so all going brilliantly so far 🤷

By "justify" do you mean "can't afford"? because I can see LOADS of justification in your post.

For all those saying about DH being away too much. Sometimes I wish he was away more. It seems harder with him here somehow!

DS (18 months) has started waking at night again so I'm always tired which is making it harder - DS will only accept me going in to zee him. I try to get DH to do it but then DS cries more and shouts "mumma" and then DH gets in a mood so makes everything more stressful.

OP. You will laugh about that one day I am sure.

I once caught my DS putting his dirty cutlery directly back into the cutlery drawer. I had been thinking for ages that our dishwasher was not working properly.... and heavens knows how many licked clean forks I had not realised had been cleaned until then. Turns out it was because at school the children all put their used cutlery into the 'dirty cutlery' trays ready for cleaing and DS aged about 5 had not realised we did not have the same situation. How on earth none of us got foodpoisoning is beyond me.

if you feel like it, take a look at our Daily Project thread. You (and anyone else) would be most welcome. :)

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4616963-daily-project-round-two?page=2&reply=120277334

I am in the same position. We have:
A cleaner once a week (life saver)
A robot Hoover that goes on at night
If I am in a room with a child playing I tidy up around them. Bathroom gets tidied while they're in the bath, bedroom gets tidied while they get ready for bed, kitchen gets tidied while they're watching TV for 15 mins before going up for bed etc.
We have some sort of hidden toy storage in most rooms. Ikea kallax with cubes in the sitting room and bedroom. A big toy box in the kitchen. Toys get shoved in there semi regularly.
Playmats on the floor instead of rugs so they can be wiped clean
I cook double of every meal and we have the other half the next day or freeze it
Slow cooker gets used most days as well
Amazon subscriptions for all regularly needed things eg nappies and dishwasher tablets
Weekly online shop with the trolley pre-filled automatically

It's hard though, I hear you. Washing is the worst part. My house looks like a bloody laundry most of the time!!

@OrangePumpkinLobelia ha ha ha! They are trying to help though eh??

I've joined that thread. Thank you 😊

You are most welcome.

I found this book: 'How to Keep House While Drowning' by KC Davis very helpful. Highly recommend it for anyone struggling with housekeeping- it's not the usual self-help book, of which I've read many !

I sympathise OP. I had 2 under 2 and DH worked away, but I found it easier to keep on top of things without him there. He makes more mess than the DC!

Kitchen and Bathroom should be easy to keep on top of as you are in those rooms a lot. Wipe bathroom when DC are in the bath and do 1 extra job each day. So Monday, squirt harpic down the toilet, quick wipe of bathroom, scrub toilet. Tuesday wipe bathroom and clean mirrors, Wednesday wipe bathroom and clean floor etc. Don’t have bottles etc on side of bath as it’s harder to clean. Have a place for everything and I used to have a net bag with suction hooks for bath toys.

Similar in the kitchen. If you have a dishwasher, run it every night and empty first thing when DC’s are eating breakfast. Reload with breakfast dishes and quick wipe of worktops every morning. If you don’t have a dishwasher, fill the sink with water and wash dishes as soon as they are used. Load DW/wash up as you cook dinner or whilst they are eating and wipe worktops. Meal plan, buy only what you need and aim for simple meals. Don’t make things harder for yourself. Beans on toast, fishfingers etc are perfectly fine.

Ideally you need 20 minutes a day for dedicated cleaning. I use a similar system to TOMM but I’ve been doing it longer than she has as my dc are older! It sounds like you are already up early, so I would try and do it before DCs go to bed. Monday, I do living room. Let them watch a favourite tv programme. In 20 minutes I can flick a long reach duster around the ceiling and skirting boards, wipe over the surfaces and hoover including under sofa cushions. Tuesday I do kitchen. I used to sit the DC at the table with some biscuit dough and let them play with it and cut out some shapes. Cook them and they make perfect snacks or pudding. In 20 minutes I can wipe cupboard fronts, very quick wipe of fridge, clean bins and scrub sink. If you do it every week you will start to find fridge doesn’t need wiping so you can do something else. Wednesday is deep clean day which I’ll come back to. Thursday is bedroom. I’d do it after bath time when they are choosing their story. Super quick dust and hoover with my little hand held Dyson, then your room when they are tucked in. Friday is HSL and admin. When you are on your way downstairs after bedtime, dust and super quick hoover, then 10 minutes dealing with post/filing/email etc.

I pick a different room each week and do something extra. I do Wednesday but you know if weekends might work better for you. 30 minutes maximum but 20 is fine. Clean out a kitchen cupboard, sort out outgrown clothes, hoover the inside of the car etc.

You are not aiming for perfection in anything. Just getting something done each time. If you don’t have time to clean the fridge one week, fine. Do it next week.

Put messy/bitty toys out of reach for when you are playing with them. Seriously declutter. You don’t need 8 calpol syringes! Keep only what you absolutely need and use. Your sanity is worth more than having stuff just in case. Keep like things together in sensible places and keep as many thing inside cupboards etc as you can. Much easier to clean. Bring as little as possible into the house. Ask for days out or garden toys for presents for dc. Bin junk mail etc as soon as it comes through the door. Don’t move it to a surface, just bin it.

For 3 of you you probably don’t need to do laundry every day. I’d do mon, wed and Fri. Wash when it suits you and put away clothes when DC’s are choosing their story. Wash towels on a Tuesday and bedding on Thursday and make beds again when they are choosing their story.

Its hard but I’d does get easier as they get older. Good luck.

I also think you may be going to be quite early

Pick a room and get giant boxes or laundry baskets and Chuck everything that's on the floor in there I mean everything, clothes toys the lot and shut the door so it doesn't stress you out. Then start with one room and clean that one day and then the next in to another and then the next day and so on.

Then once that's done get onto the boxes or laundry boxes. Take a load of washing out and wash them and then put away five items. Do this until it's all done. Doesn't matter if it takes you 3 weeks.

Sounds mad but use
paper plates and cutlery for a few weeks then just use them and Chuck them for a few weeks to take the pressure off doing dishes until your house is sorted

Find £40 from somewhere and employ a cleaner one off for two hours to help you get some organisation

If you can afford it get to the pound shop and get scented room sprays, new cloths to clean the bathroom and kitchen and dettol. Put them in eyesight in the bathroom and kitchen. Get into the habit of wiping down the kitchen sides and the bathrooms once a day it will take you 1 minute and use the room spray. The nice smell will encourage you to stay on top of it

Allow the children to only use toys in a certain room for a week or so which will give you some sort of order while you sort

A bin in each room, nothing fancy a black and or green bag will do and put any rubbish in there as you go along

Eat with your kids and snack later on if hungry

Batch cook on one day and smash atleast a weeks worth - perhaps get DH to take the children up for an hour and do a massive chilli and a bolognese

Try other fast foods like a stir fry be ready in 5 mins or homemade pizza as the children could help with pizzas

Run the hover for 30 seconds a day and alternates room each day then gradually do 45 seconds and so on

Blast music or a tv show like the voice while you do it all

Now onto YOU- take care of YOU - all these things lift you up and help your mindset and relax to tackle your home.....

NEW pjs
Lavender under your pillow
Calming lavender spray for your bedroom
Face mask
Only use a lamp in your bedroom to chill you out
Sing- sing everyday even if you don't think you can
Take a bath even if it's with your kids and relax

And not to mention Stacy Solomon but organisation baskets and boxes in cupboards especially for clothes really help you could fill one section a week of washed clothes- perhaps DH could have this as his one job