To ask how messy your house really is?

[BingBingGoAway]

My life is total chaos. I have 2DS under 4 and I work full time in a job that needs me to check stuff in evenings.

And my life is a total mess. And I mean - not in a classis 'oh it's so disorganised way' - in a unclean bathroom, car is disgusting, kids live on fish fingers way.

I don't understand. Are people doing housework and cooking late at night?

I leave work, pick up the kids, dinner, bath, bed - all of which are usually pretty hectic. Probably one of them will have a tantrum which will result in something getting messed up.

Then eat myself at 8pm or so. And then I watch telly until 9.30pm and then I go to bed to deal with night wakes and 5.30 start.

DH works away a lot of the time. Weekends seem to slip away. Do people manage to do things when they have 2 small DC - I can't leave mine for more than 5 mins really. And the small one just clings to me constantly. He won't let me go.

WHERE IS THE TIME?

I promise you - it's not usual levels of mess. it's making me so stressed. Every where I look there is dust, dirt, random socks.

I think I need to stop looking at Stacy Solomon on Instagram.

Any tips at all? How do I get on top of my life?

2 DC 5 & 3, me, DH & cats

I have a cleaner
I have a robot hoover
We clean & tidy in the mornings while we are all getting ready to go out
Dh and i clean/tidy in evenings before bed
I don't wear makeup or wash my hair more than twice a week so that saves time
We don't wash anything that doesnt NEED washing - towels get reused, bedding stays on 1-2 weeks.
We have moderate standards. Our home is not immaculate or sterile a la mrs hinch .

Both work FT here and pretty hectic

What helped us through the early years
Batch cooking
Slow cooker
One planned activity once a month on a Saturday e.g activity farm, seaside, soft play

When your childcare costs come down consider getting a cleaner. This was the one thing that made a huge difference on the house side of things

It’s terrible. We are selling and I am deep cleaning and realising just how bad it is!

I am hopeless in the evenings. My Dcs are older but evenings are usually dinner around 6.30, then I clean the kitchen while listening to The Archers. Then supervise homework and we are all in bed around 8.30, lights out 9-ish.

But I am great in the mornings. So I am up around 5 am (everyone else gets up at 6) and I use that time for sorting and tidying.

I am on another thread that is called 'Daily Project'. It's for people who are feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and we celebrate the big and small achievements. That has been a big thing for me. Some days the thing i achieve is a load of washing, or cleaning a single shelf in the fridge. Some days it is painting the garden furniture.

I also have set days for doing things. I got the idea from The Organised Mum Method, but have adapted to suit me. So Saturdays I wash all the Dcs clothes. Sunday afternoons I iron it with a glass of wine and a film.

Tuesdays I wash DC bedding and change. Thursdays I wash ours and change.

I also clean a single fridge shelf a day. This has been huge for me.... it aLso means I can keep up with what needs to be cooked and takes mere minutes.

I also recommend tidying to something. For me it is podcasts and audio books. I lose track of time that way and it feels like 'me' time.

Housework and life admin is fucking tedious though, I admit.

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Mine is grown up now, but when he was small his jobs were to put his toys in a box and his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

I got into the habit of tidying round the room in an evening, before bed plumping cushions, dirty pots in the kitchen etc.

I got up half an hour earlier in the morning to have a tidy round and clean up before ds woke up. I could get a load of laundry on, kitchen wiped down, or bathroom cleaned, or living room dusted or bedroom cleaned and tidied.

I would reduce your TV time by half an hour of an evening to get something done that way you don't lose all your me time!

Get a slow cooker and do double quantities of whatever you make so that you can eat half freeze half for another time, or you could batch cook on a weekend.

If necessary take a day or 2 of to get the house in order and then keep on top of it by doing little and often. The TOMM method works really well and you get to the point where it takes less effort to get to where you want to be, can't recommend it enough.

Lastly don't be afraid to get your kids to help age appropriately, don't beat yourself up if you have to lower your standards for a bit. Consider getting a cleaner, even if it's only once a month!

This is why I'm a stay at home parent and this type of post is why I know it's the right choice. How long can you live like this?

Same boat here with 3 under 5, single parent.

Weekly cleaner is essential (don't currently have one anymore as ours quit but desperately looking!)

Focus on one room while listening to music or a podcast.

Don't do everything at once.

Have storage and places for everything to go.

Get the kids in the habit of picking up all the toys and putting them in the toybox before dinner.

One of the best tips I got was from Flylady - start with the kitchen sink. Having a clean sink makes things look and feel a lot more manageable, and from there it's easier to move on to other things. (I don't have a dishwasher, probably less sink mess if you do!)

And don't put too much pressure on yourself. Personally I dgaf about Instagram-perfect anything because I'm a person with interests beyond 24/7 housework!! I don't always want to be spending my limited free time cleaning and organising.

One room at a time. I’m not houseproud so much house does get into a mess but I just decide in a morning “right, today is bathrooms day” and literally just focus on the bathrooms (or one of them even).

I could really do with a bedrooms day - you wouldn’t believe there was only 2 adults living here. 4 absolute shit tip bedrooms.

It depends HOW you clean I think
I probably only wipe my worktops weekly in full. But I clean as I go when I'm cooking so they aren't ever dirty
And the same with the bath. I only use it once a week or so, and I rinse it after use
I never clean my fridge specifically. Which yes sounds disgusting but again, if I spill something I clean it up there and then, and I use fridge liners

I’m a single Mum of 4 young kids and work part time and have a tidy home most of the time. I declutter often, have lots of storage boxes, clean first thing in the morning and just before bed, encourage them children to tidy their belongings and put things in the correct places and clean as I go.
I do have a few hours where I’m not working or looking after the children here and there and get a lot done working on one room at a time. I imagine it would be really difficult if working full time though.

Have you ever looked into adult ADHD? I have that and completely relate to the "everything is so overwhelming" and "how the fuck do people do this" kind of feelings.

I'm not medicated at the moment.

I have found that simplifying helps - I've completely given up on cooking and do the bare minimum here so it's oven food and very simple/familiar recipes I've made 1000 times so I don't have to think. Jars. Pre-cut, frozen/tinned veg etc. I have a rice cooker, slow cooker and air fryer and these things help enormously.

Also some small habits and pre-made decisions because decision fatigue is really paralysing. I've been listening to the podcast A Slob Comes Clean and adopted her recommendation of running the dishwasher every day at a set time whether it's full or not (miraculously, when I do this because I tend to scout around the house trying to fill it up it always ends up at least 80% full - this is better than when I let it sit at 50% full for days and didn't run it because "it's not full" while the house filled up with dirty plates and became unusable)

I constantly do random bits of cleaning….. for example whilst waiting for my bath to be ready, I ran a checking wipe round the skirtings in the top hall. Whilst the kids are in the bath I do the bathroom floor and sink. But yes, it’s constant if you want to keep vaguely on top of things.

A cleaning wipe not a checking wipe! 🙈

Am now laid in the bath doing f-all though so maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from.

you absolutely have a lot on your plate no doubt about it, difference between our daily schedule and yours is I don’t bath the kids every night so straight after dinner I either send them outside or put on a movie and then I tidy downstairs- putting everything away, trying to clear as junk from surfaces etc. then once they are in bed I do they same upstairs and fold/ out away washing. I try to cook dinners two at a time so if I’m making a chilli then for example il have tomo nights spaghetti on the go too. I don’t watch tv in the evening really unless I have all my chores now and bags etc ladies out for the next day. Usually by 9/9:39 I’ve finished my tidy and I go have a shower before bed. Try a few evenings if not having a sit down with a cuppa/ tv until after you’ve done some chores!

Sorry I should add - the Slob concept of "layers of cleaning" really spoke to me - she says when you have to clean e.g. because someone is coming over, it takes much longer if you're living in the slob zone because you first have to do all the kind of pre-cleaning that most people would have already done - take dishes away, wipe down kitchen sides, remove items from kitchen floor, clutter from bathrooms etc.

If you prioritise these things as the first thing you always do, then you can actually take advantage of those moments when you think oh that sink could do with a wipe down etc - you can just do it, instead of first having to remove armfuls of random crap from the vicinity (and getting distracted on the way back).

DH and I are both full time and have 4 DC. Our house is, genuinely, clean and tidy most of the time. However: we have a cleaner! Without that, we'd lose our entire weekend to housework, which is miserable as fuck. We are also both quite organised people naturally, so things don't ever get put down, they get put away etc.

I'm also ruthless when it comes to decluttering regularly too, as otherwise we end up drowning in shit, which all needs dusting/tidying/cleaning.

But no, outsourcing is the trick. Don't believe for one second that influencers and celebrities do all their own cleaning and tidying, they 100% do not!

Eat with kids.

Do 3 small thing or 10 minutes. So if kitchen needs doing, just so it for 10 mins, with a very very good podcast in just one ear in case you need to hear children

Or if you notice clothes around, just pick 3 of them to tidy. Next time, 3 more.

Everything ultimately becomes big piles. Just do small chunks.

Stop following stuff on Instagram tbat makes you feel rubbish.

Will your kids watch tv? Can be a saviour when trying to cook dinner with a grumpy toddler. Make big portions on weekends so you can freeze some and then it is a quick meal on a busy day. Eat at the same time as your kids so you don't have to cook a 2nd meal later.

Yes, I clean the loo and sink when supervising Dc in bath (obviously can't do this so much if youngest is needing constant supervision, but once they are old enough not to slip under!) Could dust the bathroom too? I motivate myself to do this to carve out some me time later.

But realistically you need to be kind to yourself and your house will not be super clean with 2 young kids and a partner who works away!

Same.
I need all hands on deck every other day for 30/40 minutes and 3 loads of washing a day to keep ontop of it.
It never really happens though.

I see a few others mention podcasts. I try to pause just when it's getting good. Now I'm sort of looking forward to the next 10 minutes so I can clean again...

Family of 5 here; me (work three long days per week), partner/kids dad (full time), 3 kids under 5.

On the days we both work, we work, get home, make dinner (quick one), kids tidy their mess, then book and bedtime. We bath them once at the weekend and once midweek on my day off.

We eat once they've gone to bed, then we chill.

I use my midweek day off to do a load of washing (or two depending on weather) and zip around the ground floor. Dried washing remains in baskets until the weekend when I spend an hour or two doing that while partner is with kids. Then he usually does something like wash the car, DIY or any cleaning that's needed later on.

We don't iron. We don't make extravagant dinners, we don't keep a ship shape house.

But it generally is tidy as we make sure the kids tidy before we leave the house or go to bed. We use the dishwasher regularly, and try to rewear clothes asap before washing.

We do the food shop at the weekend. It means our weekends arent as fun as they could be, but the trade off is we don't feel overwhelmed at home and in the evenings.

If I worked full time I would definitely get a cleaner!

My house is pretty disorganised and cluttered. It's not dirty, but it's definitely not clean and shiny. Meal planning is the biggest thing, I have a planner on the fridge with all the meal prep written out, clubs, work hours etc. So I never forget to defrost stuff or prep the slow cooker food. Two days before clothes are needed I check they're clean. One day before needed I check they're laid out. This is the biggest thing. When you're not chasing your tail to keep up with this stuff you feel a lot calmer.

Clean and tidy as you go. Half a day on the weekend to catch up on cleaning/tidying and half a day to do errands and bigger jobs. Things get done slowly, sometimes it'll spiral because I need rest more than tidy. But when it gets awful you just clear a weekend and get it done. I have low standards too. The kids are young, we don't have much disposable income or time, so it won't be great and that's ok.

I also am super strict about the lounge being tidy and organised. If I have one room to relax in that's always ok it makes me much happier. Before bedtime me and the kids tidy the lounge and take stray stuff back to our rooms. The key to everything is to organise everything in advance, meal prep and take each day realistically. There's only so many hours a day and life is to be enjoyed. If you need a spotless house, do it. If you don't, accept it's ok to have a bit of chaos.

I work full time and my children are 2 & 5. My husband works late shifts, so he does the school drop offs and I do the evening bit. Sometimes he'll make something ahead for me to put in the oven when I get in, but otherwise I specifically plan quick, no fuss meals.

I usually get in at about 4.30-5.00pm. TV time for the kids who are tired by then. I aim to be eating by 5.45pm, bath by 6.15pm and story and bed for the youngest by 6.45pm. I then hear my eldest read and he goes to bed at about 7.15pm.

Sometimes at that point i'll have a 20 minute nap because i'm shattered and have got too comfy from reading. This sounds mad but it really perks me up and means I can stay up longer.

I usually try to have tidied the kitchen as I'm plating the meals up so there are only plates and a last wipe down to do. I'll also have brought in any washing from the line while the meal is cooking. After bedtime, I tidy up, hoover quickly and spray mop. That takes me until about half 8.

At that point, I usually need to do some work for the next day as i'm a teacher, so i'll do that until half ten with the TV on and hope the kids stay in bed. Because i've had a little sleep earlier, I can stay up until 11-12 quite easily and then I feel that i've had a proper evening. Without the nap, i'd be asleep by 10 having done nothing but work all day.

We have a cleaner once a fortnight, which helps prevent the house getting either too messy or absolutely filthy. The evening before she comes is tidy up time - usually takes a couple of hours, but laundry is sorted, everything put back in its place, kitchen and other surfaces cleared, post sorted, all toys and art stuff put away. This stops all the mess and clutter getting on top of us. Coming back to a clean house after doing the tidying feels a bit like an extra reward.

The daily jobs I do in small bursts, 5-10 minutes at a time. Most of the kitchen stuff is done while waiting for the kettle to boil (I'm usually wfh). First thing, I'll make DC's breakfast, make packed lunch, unload the dishwasher and put a load of washing on (takes around 15 minutes). Then I wake DC up, we do teeth, breakfast, getting dressed, check school bag, breakfast things in dishwasher and out the door to school. When I get back, I'll make a coffee and wipe the kitchen surfaces while waiting for the kettle to boil. Mid-morning coffee break, I usually hang the washing up to dry. While making lunch (which is usually microwaving something), I'll hoover the kitchen/downstairs. After collecting DC from school, I'll make their after-school snack and collect up the dry laundry. Laundry all goes in a massive wicker hamper and is picked out of that as needed during the week (I don't iron or fold anything). The only time laundry is folded or put away is before the cleaner comes. I clean the loos and upstairs bathroom while DC is in the bath. Upstairs only gets cleaned/hoovered when the cleaner comes - I don't hoover in between. DH is meant to wipe the kitchen surfaces, put the dinner plates in the dishwasher and turn it on when he gets back (usually late) from work since he eats much later than DC and I - the system breaks down if he 'forgets' since I can't then unload the clean plates the next morning (so I get very cross if this happens!).

If I have extra time/energy, I might plug my headphones in and blitz the fridge, kitchen shelves or a cupboard. We have lots of 'cupboards of clutter' which need sorted. But these are weekend tasks and the quid pro quo of me doing them is DH sorting the rubbish/recycling, doing the shopping or doing extra stuff with DC (I hate doing swimming, for example, so will happily trade extra chores for DH taking DC swimming).

We have a cleaner some once a fortnight which helps. We try to have a good tidy before she comes. DH does most the cooking. It's still usually pretty messy inbetween cleans!