To ask how messy your house really is?

[BingBingGoAway]

My life is total chaos. I have 2DS under 4 and I work full time in a job that needs me to check stuff in evenings.

And my life is a total mess. And I mean - not in a classis 'oh it's so disorganised way' - in a unclean bathroom, car is disgusting, kids live on fish fingers way.

I don't understand. Are people doing housework and cooking late at night?

I leave work, pick up the kids, dinner, bath, bed - all of which are usually pretty hectic. Probably one of them will have a tantrum which will result in something getting messed up.

Then eat myself at 8pm or so. And then I watch telly until 9.30pm and then I go to bed to deal with night wakes and 5.30 start.

DH works away a lot of the time. Weekends seem to slip away. Do people manage to do things when they have 2 small DC - I can't leave mine for more than 5 mins really. And the small one just clings to me constantly. He won't let me go.

WHERE IS THE TIME?

I promise you - it's not usual levels of mess. it's making me so stressed. Every where I look there is dust, dirt, random socks.

I think I need to stop looking at Stacy Solomon on Instagram.

Any tips at all? How do I get on top of my life?

Yep sorry OP no time for TV here. Start on the housework once the kids are in bed. Although still don't keep on top of it so maybe I should take the time for myself instead 😂

Use some of the weekend for cleaning.
Let OH take the kids out you can get a huge amount of housework done in an hour or two without children around.
Clean the bathroom while the kids are in the bath.
Batch cook decent food.
Don't let laundry get out of hand- if necessary take a huge load to the launderette so you can catch up and start again with an empty laundry basket.

Don't have too much "stuff".
Houses are far easier to tidy and clean if you have the minimum belongings.

I can't imagine stacey Solomon does her own housework.

On a scale of 1-10, it’s about 15 just now.

You really need a cleaner to help you if you can afford it, I would do without a lot of things to have a cleaner, I haven’t been on holiday for years for instance. If your husband is working away then you’re effectively a one parent family at this time with two very young children. Speak to your husband about it too, about how hard you are finding things.

I've got one room which is a bomb site. We have been doing work on the house over the last week or so and it now houses lots of stuff that needs to be out of the house. Otherwise, it's not too bad. But I do have about an hour's worth of ironing to do - which I should be doing now, but I'm here instead, dragging my heels.

I didn’t cook. I ate ready meals at work for lunch and then had ‘tea’ with DD after I picked up from nursery at 5.45. We ate a lot of boiled eggs and reheated jacket potatoes! She had pudding (usually just fruit or yoghurt) while I loaded the dishwasher and did a perfunctory wipe down. I put the robot hoover on in the kitchen, and wished fervently I’d got a robot mop.

I played with her for a little bit, then we put things away together, so we never left a room untidy. I culled available toys and rotated them so that only a few could be out at a time. If at all possible we went out to play, even if just to the park or splashing in puddles on the drive.

I bathed with her. Cleaned my teeth with her. Dressed her in (comfortable) clothes for the next day (no pjs. Why do kids need special clothes for bed? I just felt I was pointlessly changing one set of soft comfortable play clothes for another. So I stopped. I had no time for pointless). She ‘read’ me a story or ‘helped’ while I tidied up the bathroom, gathered all the laundry and put the laundry on while she had milk. I handed out glow stars for helping. We did bedtime yoga for kids (this sounds SO affected, but it really helped both of us. It’s on YouTube. About 6 minutes, without the meditation bit)

Then I read her story and we both fell asleep, usually. If I didn’t, I flew round for 20 minutes max (because I wanted to limit it) and emptied the dishwasher, put the robot on in another room and wished (again) I had a robot mop. Hung out laundry to dry. Packed nursery bags for tomorrow. Set out clothes for myself the next day, and anything else I needed, made sure there was a plan for tea tomorrow and we had everything in. Picked up stuff that shouldn’t be where it was. Locked up and went to bed. On a very, very good day, if it was before 9, I would read or knit for half an hour. (Mostly I didn’t)

I got up before my DD. Got dressed etc. Packed the car with my breakfast, coffee and lunch, a snack bar for her, my work bag and her nursery bag. Put the laundry away (or set it out as clothes for tonight!) . Unloaded the dishwasher as a top priority of I hadn’t done it the night before (an empty dishwasher is really key. When it’s full, dirty dishes pile up and it snowballs). Got DD up, changed nappy and into the car in one fell swoop. She had breakfast at nursery, I had breakfast bars on the way to work. (There were weeks where we wore the same two outfits on rotation. I had a uniform, so it worked fine. No one mentioned it!)

On Sunday afternoons we went swimming so she was knackered, clean and changed for bed early. We ate dinner out so there was no cleaning up. I put her to bed early with an audiobook and did a proper tidy up, toy cull and rotation (bin day was Monday). My cleaner came for two hours on a Monday and changed the beds, cleaned the bathroom, properly cleaned the kitchen and hovered and mopped the floors. (I could have done it in a Sunday nap time, but that was my ONLY alone time). The grocery shop arrived at that time, I meal planned, grocery shopped and checked the calendar for two weeks ahead and ordered any birthday presents, cards random needed stuff and did any unavoidable admin. I didn’t shop, I didn’t cook, I didn’t socialise unless it would be rude not to and I really cared about the person. I said no to everything. I didn’t help. I didn’t sell things on or donate to specific causes.

Once a month I took a days leave and kept DD in nursery. I did any bigger chunks of admin, then I did a proper sort out and organise of clothes and toys, removed anything outgrown, stained, broken, annoying, unsuitable or messy. I went out for lunch or the afternoon with a friend, or went home and watched a box set or napped. A better person than me would have done a big batch cook and not eaten ready meals. (I did cook when my mother came to visit, but it wasn’t often enough to keep it up. She only visited once every three or four months).

It wasn’t a great time. I felt like I didn’t really exist outside of work and children. I didn’t go in the sitting room Monday to Friday (we used the kitchen/dining room as a play space) But the only way to do anything would have been to let my house routine go (and there was no slack to pick it up again. If I missed a dishwasher load, there was no way to catch up and once it started to slide I couldn’t stop it) or let my sleep suffer and I wasn’t prepared to do that. DD didn’t sleep well and I was chronically sleep deprived anyway. I know it was a slave to it, but it saved my sanity.

Bollocks to spending the precious 60-90 mins per evening that I have running myself ragged. It’s ridiculous, not sustainable, leads to burn out and misery. We are not robots, we are humans. If I can’t take those minutes out of my 16-17 hour days to myself because I’m terrified someone will judge me for an untidy house, there’s no fucking point in being alive. There has to be time for things we enjoy, every day. Now more than ever.

1. I only work part time
2. One morning a week the kids are at nursery / school and I’m not at work
3. I do some chores in the evenings although not loads
4. Husband works from home 3 days a week and does a fair bit then - just putting laundry on etc when he can but it makes a big difference
5. My kids are slightly older - eldest at school

As a result I don’t think my house is too bad tbh. Although not doing so great on the healthy food.

I notice as soon as I let things slip at home my life just feels more chaotic and I feel more anxious. Take a weekend to organise and clean and then keep on top of things. Instead of dumping something on the side just put it where it should be, it will only take a few seconds. Tidy toys away every night and always sort the kitchen before you go to bed. It feels amazing coming downstairs in the morning knowing everywhere is tidy. You have to do this before you sit down to watch TV or you will never get up to do it!

However, don't be too hard on yourself. You obviously have a busy life and as long as the kids are happy and fed it doesn't really matter.

Agree with de-cluttering being the key and also buy proper storage so everything has a place.

We have just sold our home but during viewings we cleared out a ton of stuff into the shed/car/wardrobes to present the house at its best.

We’ve since got rid of more than half the stuff we cleared out. So now, even though there may be toys everywhere and surfaces needing a clean it feels less of a pigsty and much less daunting to stay on top of.

If you enjoy relaxing in the evenings then you can’t take that away. Your mental health is also important, especially when your kids are so young and demanding. I would rather do what some cleaning experts suggest and set a timer for 20 minutes on some evenings; do a blitz clean and tidy for 20 and then go about your evening relaxation.

If your partner is often away then can you subsidise that by having a cleaner once a week just for two hours or so?

My family set up is similar to yours and my house is always messy. For me the enemy is clutter and laundry! We have too much stuff and nowhere for it to go. We’re actually on with it today. I’m wouldn’t be as bothered except underneath all the crap our house is actually nice, period features etc and we spent a lot doing it up. It’s depressing!!

3 kids here aged 8, 6, 2. Me and DH both work full time.

House is a shit hole. Manage to just about keep on top of kitchen, bathroom and front room most days (but not all the time - DH has been away with work this week and kitchen is a state). Rest of the house veers between absolute tip (our bedrooms - think piles of clean clothes everywhere, toys strewn about all over the place, dirty clothes on the floor because my kids never put stuff in the wash basket and then it gets subsumed under their crap), and sometimes tidy (basically when we manage to tidy one room, rest of the other rooms get messy).

But yeah, no time to keep on top of it all. By the time clubs, dinner, shower and bedtime etc done it's 9pm. We get a couple of hours to do a quick tidy of the kitchen then relax for an hour or so in front of tv before it's bedtime. Then up at 6.30 for school/nursery/work.

It's total chaos

I think you need to try and do it in 10 minute chunks. Once the kids were big enough to sit in the bath I would do a quick wipe of the sink and toilet while watching them

I have a cordless hoover so when it comes out for getting table mess I might whip round the rest of the downstairs quickly.

If Sunday tea is cottage pie or something then do enough for Monday night too as that is always our most hectic.

Agree you don't need to bath them every single night and eating tea altogether gets it out of the way.

I irrationality hate dusting though so put that off as long as possible!

I didn't even begin to get on top of it until they started school and I still feel like I'm drowning in stuff. And they're adults.

Oh and best thing I did was ditch the laundry/ironing basket.

I don't iron. Things come off the line and are hung straight up or chucked on my bed so I have to deal with them that night rather than letting it pile up. A load for each person is easier to manage

There are only so many hours in the day.

If you and DH are to work so many hours then other things either need to be out-sourced (cleaner, gardener, laundry, meal prep) or you have to accept that sone things don't get done.

However, it does sound like some important things aren't getting done, otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

There are ways to make things easier eg massive declutter, eat with the kids, batch cook but really they're not going to solve your time issues.

So really you need to figure out your prioritises. You can't have it all. Either you accept that this is the way things are, you pay for help or one or both of you drop sone hours at work. No magic wand. Good luck.

1. Teach your DC to pick up toys before they go to bed.

1. Get DC to put all dirty clothes in laundry basket.

1. Batch cook at weekends. I cook Bolognese on Saturday and freeze 4 portions for mid week.

1. Sunday I roast and do enough roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings for Monday evening too.

1. One evening a week I just do pizzas from supermarket with bag of leaves. This saves 40 mins cooking time. I spend that 40 mins sorting laundry and putting away.

1. Midweek when kids do activities one of us drops and collects and the other stays home running the vaccine around and steam mop.

1. For bedding I do our bedding every week and kids bedding every 10 days. I wash their bedding with towels. DH puts sheets and duvets on all beds.

1. Adult son living at home empties kitchen bin every day, unloads dishwasher and cleaned his own bedroom, changes his own sheets, does his own laundry and cooks for family every Thursday evening. In summer he will peg out towels and bedding on to washing line too.

1. Don't buy clothing that needs ironing.

10. Cleaner once a week for 2 hours. Give a list of exactly which jobs you want doing. Mine vacuums child's bedroom, landing, hall, lounge, dining room and kitchen, steam mops all of downstairs wooden floors and vinyl cloakroom. Cleans kitchen surfaces and wipes over top of cooker.

11. I do general cleaning for 1 hour each day.

I could have written this!

In my experience, you can't get kids that young to help you clean. When you work long hours, you don't want to spend your Sundays batch cooking.

Things that have helped me:

• toys always packed away after they have been played with.
• have a box on the landing or hallways for the charity shop. Make regular trips.
• find a cleaner who doesn't mind mess. We went through about three cleaners before we found our guardian angel. She's amazing and sorts stuff as she cleans. This is obviously more hours but worth it.
• don't compare yourself to mums who don't work or work few hours. They've got a different life / amount of time than you.
• Sunday mornings are for sorting out the house, before going out for a roast or family walk.
• accept that laundry is never ending but you must do a little bit each day.

Dinners are tricky. After I've picked mine up from after school club, they are starving. So I prioritise quick meals such as stir fries or pasta with pre cooked chicken. I just don't have time to make something complicated. And fuck batch cooking at the weekends - that is my down time with the kids.

Anyway, you are not alone. It will eventually get easier (hopefully!)

TWO WORDS: Weekly Cleaner

Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise that it's possible to live in spotless home with small children. The cleaner needs 4 hours weekly to do the basic hoovering, wiping, cleaning, bathroom, toilet, bedsheet changes etc and our flat isn't even that large. It's mathematically impossible to find that time elsewhere. Just like you, I have 1-2 hours of free time within a 24hour period after DD goes to bed. Am I supposed to give up my only free hour of the day to clean up filth instead of being allowed to unwind like any other human being? That would mean allocating Mon-Thurs only on cleaning which is unsustainable. I already do 1hr of cleaning after bedtime, basically picking up mess, putting stuff away and all the kitchen areas so it's neat for the next day. But a deep clean of every room with all the dust and hairs is just impossible.

Some people might be lucky to have a partner pulls their weight or who does WFH and can spend an hour here and there on chores. Two people tackling the home is much better than one. But having a partner out of the house Mon-Fri all the time means you need to let some things slide.

It's really hard.

If some of these tips help you, great.

If not, just try to remember that it'll get easier as they get older and try not to focus on it just now. You're doing enough.

I'm a single parent with two children. The best way I found was to do two things at once. So for instance, if you are bathing them, clean the bathroom at the same time. Clean the kitchen while making food. Do one load of laundry per day instead of leaving it etc.
It is really hard, but having a routine and sticking to it stops it from becoming really bad.
I don't have clutter so everything is easy to clean.
It will get better as the kids get older.

I have a tidy house, always have. I have no clutter, and both dh and I clean as we go. For example I would very quickly wipe the bathroom in the mornings after brushing my teeth. Empty the dishwasher while kettle is boiling. Cook twice as much and have it for two days or freeze for another day. My children are nearly adults now, but I used to think that I would clean as much as I could and as fast as I could for 10 min in the evenings. No more. Even set the timer sometimes when the kids helped out tidying their toys. And I was always surprised at how much you could actually do in those 10 min..

I think that many people on this thread really ought to sit down more in the evenings. Watch crap on tv and take some time to yourself.

Op, do not stop relaxing and start cleaning in the evenings. At least not every evening. You really do deserve to take it easy. Do some cleaning and tidy up during the weekend and then find a way to keep it that way as much as possible.

Don’t feel bad about not cleaning. Don’t forget to also have winding down time yourself. This whole clean in your spare time thing on an evening is rubbish as there are better things to do than tidy and clean when you have a couple of kids free hours like taking a nice long Bath with a good book. I make sure we have clean clothes, dishes and toilet. Anything else is a bonus. I hate cleaning and prefer to clean a messy house as I like the end result. I don’t want to clean a clean house as there’s no tada! moment from it.

Single mum of 3 here with very demanding full time job. I've always involved the children in the tidy up ( from as young as 2). All tasks age appropriate. My house is currently spotless because Sunday is my tidy up day. I also have a cleaner once a week ( Wednesday so that the house is deep cleaned twice weekly)
I do the kitchen every day and buy a lot of ready meals ( I used to feel guilty about it but I'm out 12 to 13 hours a day and I've decided to prioritise my sanity and my time with the children)