Would you consider this neglectful?

[Queen777]

I am a single mother with a 9 week old child. I find her father extremely difficult to coparent with. He plays a very part time role and hasn't seen her for 3 weeks.

I send pictures/videos everyday as requested by him. DD currently has a small scratch on her forehead which she has done herself - this scratch was seen by him in the pictures I sent him today. I have just had a very angry phone call from him and have had to endure him shouting and swearing at me saying I am not doing my job as a parent as I have "allowed her to scratch herself". I try and keep on top of cutting her nails and occasionally put mittens on her but she loves putting her hands in her face and always manages to scratch herself.

I just feel awful as he is just making me feel like I am not a good enough parent. If you saw a newborn baby with a scratch on their face would you think the parent was neglectful?

No, not for a completely normal self scratch which all babies do pretty frequently. Don't stress out about it.

Reach out for as much help/support you can get from the HV etc & start logging all of his nonsense. Proceed with CSA against him, be civil but nothing more, don't send him any more photos & videos etc. If & when he decides he wants to see your daughter, see if you can have someone with you when he comes round & be very wary about letting him take her off by himself. He sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant excuse of a man & you're both better off without him.

Stay strong. All the best. You're doing a great job!

Exactly this! He sounds horrendous. Don’t doubt yourself because of him OP.

He is likely using the photos to pretend to others he’s seeing your baby regularly. His behaviour is manipulative and bullying. You don’t need him around your baby with this attitude. I agree with the consensus. No more photos and a claim from CMS.

Don't make so much effort with him. Focus on your baby, give him access but let him slink off if he wants. He sounds like an absolute twat.

Be a million times more careful with any other man you let into your life in future.

SS will be involved if he poses a risk to your baby, not for a scratch no.

He is likely using the photos to pretend to others he’s seeing your baby regularly.
Yes this! Stop sending the photos.
You now know he is using them looking for evidence of 'harm'; he may also be looking for other kinds of 'evidence' such as a messy house.

I know it might not feel like now, it but this is an abusive relationship.

I meant informing them about my exes behaviour, not the scratch.

Any any adult should respect your rules when they see your child. People get very annoyed about grandparents undermining them with sweets, drinks and discipline and your dd's behaviour is in the same category. I wonder how she would react if she has children one day and you do something with her children you know she doesn't
allow. She should understand she has no right to make decisions about how someone else's child I'd brought up.

Well as a teacher you will have extensive safeguarding training to know what abuse is and the damaging effect it has on children by simply witnessing/hearing it. I’m sure as a teacher you know a child is safer with no father rather than an abusive deadbeat.

No, isn't he a drama queen? I'd tell him to get his arse over here and help with the baby even if you aren't together.

My friend had the misfortune of keeping an abusive ex in her life for the sake of the child.he too got a foothold by manipulating her at her weakest - post birth. He ended up completely alienating the child from the mother as he grew up and creating a maelstrom of misery for all. The girl is still reeling 20 years on. It's a lot to ask of a woman with a newborn, but you need to deal.

I am trying to find out whether anyone else has ever propped up a bottle on a folded blanket to let the baby carry on feeding while you deal with a toddler emergency with two other children? would you call that neglect?

I would really appreciate honest replies - including any other measures taken in trying to cope on your own with three children of 3 months, 2, and 4?

Maggie

This is an old thread, probably best to start your own.

Go to CMS now. That money belongs to your baby, you will need it. Disengage from him he obviously doesn't give a shit.

And yes, that is developmentally normal. Stop letting this dickhead undermine your self confidence as a mum ❤️

Of course they scratch themselves. I always worried about their eyes and those sharp little nails…

once my DS1 hit himself in the eye with a rattle and gave himself a black eye and then a random alcoholic in a park suggested I had hit DS1 (who was weeks old) and laughed about it. Omg I was so offended

I brought up 3 boys and I cut their nails regularly. On occasion they too would scratch themselves.

It’s not neglectful and he’s being immature.

Rise above it and stop pandering to him.

If anyone has ever been checked by SS for this, I need to refer myself for my baby's face currently as they have a scratch or two from their (quick growing) nails. Little rascal.