Would you consider this neglectful?

[Queen777]

I am a single mother with a 9 week old child. I find her father extremely difficult to coparent with. He plays a very part time role and hasn't seen her for 3 weeks.

I send pictures/videos everyday as requested by him. DD currently has a small scratch on her forehead which she has done herself - this scratch was seen by him in the pictures I sent him today. I have just had a very angry phone call from him and have had to endure him shouting and swearing at me saying I am not doing my job as a parent as I have "allowed her to scratch herself". I try and keep on top of cutting her nails and occasionally put mittens on her but she loves putting her hands in her face and always manages to scratch herself.

I just feel awful as he is just making me feel like I am not a good enough parent. If you saw a newborn baby with a scratch on their face would you think the parent was neglectful?

I am so sorry for what you are going through. You must be exhausted with a new born and lack of sleep.

The father is controlling, unreasonably, and you do not have to put up with it I would refuse to send him pictures until he apologises to you. You are not at his beck and call. You are not the photographer. Just send one video /photo at the end of the day.

Scratches happen and as kids grow up older, there will be bumps and bruises.

You have to look after your precious baby, not the infantile father.

Be strong, get rest. You are doing your best and being the best mum and doing a great job since it is only you. scratches happen . May be you can file them a bit to smooth them out.

Next time he swears at you, just cut the call. You don't need that.

Once a week photos and a video is more than enough for such a deadbeat dad. It’s give and take. You shouldn’t be the one doing all the giving.

Take back control @Queen777 . Stop sending him all these photos and videos. Let him see her on your terms, if convenient for you, if / when he asks. Stop enabling him to be a wanker.
apply for child maintenance and set up a routine if he sticks to seeing her

Agree with all the other posts, completely normal and not preventable. Their nails grow so fast at that age! You sound like you are doing a great job, if photos cause him so much stress then perhaps it is time to reduce the amount of stress photos sent.

Contact CMS to start the process of getting child maintenance from him, and send him in writing, the times baby is available for contact. If he doesn’t turn up that’s his choice but you are busy at other times.

First answer was spot on.

And he would know that if he actually saw his child.

This happens all the time. Baby would only whip those mits right off.

Don’t allow yourself to be spoken to like that. That’s not ok. You are the only present parent in that baby’s life and deserve more respect then that. Depending how he would react (not to make it worse) I would tell him to stop speaking me that way, it’s not acceptable and I am going to put the phone down but am willing to have a conversation with him when he has calmed down.

Why hasn't he?

Mine scratched himself so hard it scarred 😬

The question is not about your baby's scratch but why her father is so useless and then has the audacity to lecture you about how you look after her. Unbelievable.

Get rid of him ASAP.

Your ex is abusive and you need to reset the tone of the relationship or he will get worse. He's not been to see her for 3 weeks? Fine. Cut contact with him, and if he gets in touch let him know her can arrange a visit through a contact centre (do these still exist?) Or at a neutral place on your terms

Honestly he's not a good man and will not be a loving caring father. Take control and don't let him abuse you or your baby

I hope he's not on the birth certificate. Please stop sending him updates if he can't be arsed to see his child. And please sort out getting him to pay through CMS.

You owe him nothing. He owes his child everything.

Sounds like he’s the neglectful one?? Hasn’t seen her for a third of her life!

Ohhh he hasn't seen her for 3 weeks and she gets a cut on her head from her nails (completely normal btw) and wants to make out you're a bad mother?

What an absolute prick. Ignore him. Don't send him pictures everyday when he cba to see his own kid. He's testing you now and I know you've just had a baby but you need to be a bit stronger when it comes to assholes like this.

OP, I am absolutely FURIOUS for you. You are 100% good enough - in fact you're amazing - and who is this absolute prick to tell you otherwise?
You must look after yourself at this time. If being in touch with him is bad for your mental well-being, then don't do it. Tell him he can go whistle for his daily photos, and actually step up as a parent. Don't give yourself a lifetime of facilitating things for this man.

Still raging!

Stop sending videos.

Start a child support claim.

And work out why you are willing to entertain this wanker.

Stop the daily photos and videos. And get some support to put boundaries around this abusive man. He will be far more damaging to your daughter than a completely normal scratch.

Your going to have to nip that in the bud regarding calls like that. Your just starting out and being a mum the last thing you need is someone who has the cheek to dictate to you how to parent when he's not being doing it for 3 weeks. Parenting is hard enough without someone giving you a ridiculous hard time over a baby scratching themselves. I can only imagine this is going to get worse as when they start moving about and getting bumps to the head ect

Why hasn’t he seen her? Can’t or won’t?

Also sorry I would be interested to know how you responded to this idiot when he spoke to you like that. Considering he's not seen her for 3 weeks and not paid anything to contribute to your babys care.

Not in the slightest bit neglectful.

However, not seeing your newborn for 3 weeks and not contributing financially IS neglectful. I would be using the CMS for money and only communicating via email from now on. I wouldn't be sending any photos until I got a sincere apology.

I know, the fucking cheek of it!!

You need to find your anger over this, OP. It will see you through x

It's a real shame this person was allowed to reproduce. Your ex is a monumental wanker and you need to cut back contact. He doesn't have any right to tell you what to do. Don't let him try to control you.

My baby has bad eczema so has to have his hands covered 24/7. They're only free while he's getting changed yet he still manages gouge huge chunks out of his face in those 30 seconds. There's nothing you can do about it and his behaviour over this shows he knows sod all.

Stop taking his phone calls. If he wants to contact you he can do it in writing. Don't let the twat wear you down! It's hard enough having a baby let alone doing it alone and having extra pressure from someone who hasn't got a clue.

Stop sending him anything or engaging beyond the basics. If he wants contact he needs to make the effort to have it. What a wanker!

Scratches happen all the time and so, he doesn't know sh*t!