Would you consider this neglectful?

[Queen777]

I am a single mother with a 9 week old child. I find her father extremely difficult to coparent with. He plays a very part time role and hasn't seen her for 3 weeks.

I send pictures/videos everyday as requested by him. DD currently has a small scratch on her forehead which she has done herself - this scratch was seen by him in the pictures I sent him today. I have just had a very angry phone call from him and have had to endure him shouting and swearing at me saying I am not doing my job as a parent as I have "allowed her to scratch herself". I try and keep on top of cutting her nails and occasionally put mittens on her but she loves putting her hands in her face and always manages to scratch herself.

I just feel awful as he is just making me feel like I am not a good enough parent. If you saw a newborn baby with a scratch on their face would you think the parent was neglectful?

No I would think you are neglectful. You need to establish firm boundaries with this person. Tell him you will not continue with this conversation if he talks to you like that and that you are not a nanny service. He needs to fulfil his role as a father. There will be lots of occasions in the future where your child will accidentally hurt themselves, so think strategically about how to avoid his abuse towards you moving forwards.

Would NOT think you are neglectful

Don't send him pictures and videos if he treats you like that. If you have to then once every couple of weeks is enough and pick the photos that you do send carefully.

I'd nip this in the bud now. What will he be like when the child is toddling and has a bruise from falling over? Or bangs themselves while crawling? I hope for your sake he gives up by then and just dissapears.

When he starts - hang up. Why are you listening to him shouting and swearing at you?

Tell this cheeky deadbeat to fuck off.

File for CMS on Monday.

Completely ignore him. Stop sending daily anything. You're not his damn personal servant.
Block him. He's not a father, parent or anything else. He's abandoned his child.
Let him take you to court if he wants visitation. He won't because he's a deadbeat.

If he had t seen the photo he wouldn't even know, so stop sending him any photos.

Useless but if shit that he is!

I think his reaction to the scratch shows what a shit parent he is. If he has a baby and doesn’t realize how normal this is, then he hasn’t got a clue.

I agree 100% with what everyone else is saying.
If you're not up for calling the police, at least keep a diary of every time he acts abusively to you, and that includes swearing and shouting.

why do you have to endure anything????
cut him off.
and claim the maintenance he owes your daughter.

DD1 was covered in scratches before we even left the hospital! We hadn't thought about mitts in the first couple of hours after birth!

Stop sending him pictures and updates.

I’d message him and explain that this is a normal part of having babies and it’s what happens as they learn to co-ordinate their movements. That you are sending photos etc to him as a kindness and that if he ever speaks to you like that again the photos will stop. Also, get onto CMS.

Firstly, the scratch is normal and will happen many times.

Secondly, stop sending the photos everyday.
If he wants photos he can come and take them himself.

I played this game for way too long.

The only reason (apart from the controlling aspect) he wants photos, is so he can act like a really good dad in front of everyone else.

I wanted to contact my ex and didn’t have his number.
So I went on his Facebook and there were all the photos that I’d sent but he’d posted them saying that he had took them and all of the comments underneath were saying what a great dad he is seeing his child so often, taking her nice places all of the time and how it’s so unfair that I am so difficult and don’t let him allow her to visit his family and friends etc - in 10 years he’d seen her less than 10 times because he chose not to.

I stopped sending photos and then he put up a post about how he’s decided to not post his child anymore as he doesn’t think children photos should be on SM etc - in reality he won’t get any photos as he won’t bother seeing her to take any.

If you’d like to send photos then do but I’d limit it to once a week or when you want to - he doesn’t get to demand you do it everyday.

What would be better is if you had him and his family on Facebook and then just upload them there so you’re not directly sending them to him and he can’t guilt trip you.

This don’t send any more and don’t communicate with him - that is highly abusive (him) don’t engage

Baby's scratch themselves. As the get older the get older the do worse. They are exploring the world, themselves and there limitations. My eldest who is almost 4 recently jumped off the top of a climbing frame and landed on her bum. She, hopefully, won't do that again. It's all part of growing up.

If he is shouting and swearing hang up and don't engage with him.

Also consider using a co parenting app. You can get ones that transcribe the calls.

He’s a cunt. Engage with him no further. no more pictures.

If he wants to see her, he can go down the court road. I’d love to see what they make of a man who hasn’t paid anything towards his child and stopped bothering to see her after she was six weeks old.

Babies scratch themselves, it's why scratch mitts exist but not all babies are happy to wear them (mine wasn't).

I'm guessing based on how little time he's spent with her he wouldn't know how difficult it is to cut baby's nails, or how fast they grow. I'm guessing there's a lot of other stuff he doesn't know, yet feels entitled to have an opinion on.

He sounds like a complete arse.

So much this. It's exactly what they do.
Show up for a photo op and post to sm. My kids are my world! blah blah blah but the evil ex won't let me see them.

They don't pay a penny in CM or anything else.

It must be part of a script as I've seen countless men do this shit.

Ignore him. My daughter has had numerous scratches which she has done herself, she is a wriggler and it’s a struggle to shorten her nails especially when they are newborn. These things happen! Don’t let him guilt you. You are doing a great job trying to shorten them and using the mittens, but baby nails grow so quickly and they are the sharpest things ever I swear!

Stop updating him, he owes you, you owe him nothing.
If you haven't registered her yet make sure she gets your sir name.

He's an arsehole! Babies scratch themselves. You can try scratch mitts but not all babies will cooperate! It's very, very normal. He'd know that if he spent any time with her.

Stop sending photos. He wants them, he gets up off his backside and sees her.

Get on to CMS and make sure he is paying. And if he ever rings you up purely to shout at you again, hang up, you don't have to put up with that from him.

Do you really want some part time parent in your kids life just because they are a sperm donor. I'm sick of this culture we live in lately where we protect fathers rights above everything. Not being funny he sounds narcissistic and dangerous.

The photo/video thing everyday needs to STOP. He needs to get off his lazy arse and visit his child. Don't let this man control you.

He's the neglectful one, not even seeing his child!
I bet he sends those photos on to family to make out like he sees her.
Also, quite a few babygrows have built in little folder over pockets which you fold over the hand as a scratch mit, I always find like pps that the actual mits just come off.