Would you consider this neglectful?

[Queen777]

I am a single mother with a 9 week old child. I find her father extremely difficult to coparent with. He plays a very part time role and hasn't seen her for 3 weeks.

I send pictures/videos everyday as requested by him. DD currently has a small scratch on her forehead which she has done herself - this scratch was seen by him in the pictures I sent him today. I have just had a very angry phone call from him and have had to endure him shouting and swearing at me saying I am not doing my job as a parent as I have "allowed her to scratch herself". I try and keep on top of cutting her nails and occasionally put mittens on her but she loves putting her hands in her face and always manages to scratch herself.

I just feel awful as he is just making me feel like I am not a good enough parent. If you saw a newborn baby with a scratch on their face would you think the parent was neglectful?

He’s an abusive bully.

Stop contacting him. No more photos or videos. Block him on everything and move to email contact only. Raise a CMS case for maintenance.

You and your daughter deserve better.

Soooo he hasn't bothered to see his 9 week old baby for 3 weeks, not paid a penny for her since she was born but somehow you're the neglectful one? What kind of mental gymnastics has he performed in order to get to that point?

If he actually had the foggiest of ideas about babies he would know that ALL babies will end up scratches (my two usually waited until a special occasion and aimed right for their noses) it is not neglectful, babies nails are sharp, grow exceptionally fast, and they don't have any hand eye co-ordination it's going to happen. If he thinks it's acceptable to be screaming and shouting at you over this, what is he going to be like in 10 months when she starts learning to walk (and consequently falling over a lot). He's abusive and doesn't care a jot about his daughter he's just using her as a way to control and belittle you.

Op stop sending this controlling arsehole anything. It is normal for newborns to scratch themselves, why does he think scratch mitts were invented. He doesn't sound like someone you need in your life and he obviously isn't that arsed about seeing the baby. Get rid of him now before he becomes too embroiled in your life.

He's a dickhead - stop sending the photos. He using them to pretend to everyone on social media that he's a great dad.

You do not have to endure calls from him OP. It us a firm if abuse an

Am I getting this right?

Some pond life who managed to impregnate you is shouting the odds because your baby scratched herself? Meanwhile said pond life hasn’t seen his child for a third of her life? Did he think the childcare fairies would visit? Oh no of course. He’s left it up to you.

What an absolute cunt. I do hope he’s not on the birth certificate. Although I suppose you needn’t worry; he’ll be a distant memory soon.

Posted too soon. It is a form of abuse and control. If he is simply choosing not to see his child regularly, without good reason, he is also neglectful. Scratches are normal. Stop fulfilling his demands for pictures and videos - that's not your job. If there is a history of abusive behaviour I'd be cutting contact, reporting any future harassment, and let him follow legal routes to establish contact. Let those close to you know the facts.

You are doing all the care for your child while he doees nothing. A scratch caused by an 9 week old is normal and not an indicator of neglect or a failure on your part. A neglectful parent is one who doesn't provide for their physical, mental and emotional needs. As a father who seems to prefer to see his child in a photo rather than in person he appears to be the one who meets the definition and I would be pointing this out to him. Tell him he is welcome to see his child and be an active parent but you aren't facilitating his neglect by sending photos and videos everyday when he can't be bothered to come and see daughter for weeks. He needs to come and take his own photos and videos.

1/3 of this child’s life has passed by without Daddy dearest even so much as a hello? Nah, he can get fucked. As others have said, get CM on the phone to sort out the payments. I’d personally stop sending photos, if he wants to see his child HE needs to make the effort.

There's only one neglectful parent in this child's life.
It's not you though.

Get this man out your life OP. An absent parent should not be able to cause this more aggro.

You need to stop sending him the pics and videos, if he wants to see your baby then he needs to see her in person. Him putting you down and making you feel bad as a parent is a reflection of his own thoughts about himself. He sounds like a waste of space, I have 5 children and I gave up with mittens after my second baby as they just fall off, I would also keep their nails short and they still scratched their face. Let him do him and you stop sending him pics/videos and do you hun, you’ll be a lot happier. X

How dare he, no it's completely normal and she is well cared for solely by you, the big idiot.
Neglectful would be not seeing her for 1/3 of her life
No more pics or phone calls
He needs to cough up financially and work out a visitation plan that suits you and baby
You've got a long long road with this and you need to be in control

Thank you for all your responses. I was feeling really emotional last night and like a failure. That's how he makes me feel all the time. I only maintain contact with him because I want to give my daughter the opportunity to have a relationship with her father as, being a teacher, I have seen the affects of children not having a father in their life, but I think it's time to stop trying with him now.

Just to answer a few questions -

The reason he hasn't seen her, according to him, is because he has been working very long hours. However, he has had days off where he was supposed to see her but one of those days he didn't turn up. When asked why, his response was "I just couldn't come". The second occasion he apparently had a cold.

Also, it seems that things are coming across that I just sit there and take abuse from him. I was very much defending myself and raised all the points pp's have mentioned. Regarding him not contributing, he claims that he has contributed as his mum just bought her hundreds of pounds of clothes last week (which may I add, is the first and only thing anyone has ever bought for her on his side). I explained to him that this is not him contributing, it's his mum. He responded "well my mom is an extension of me, so shut up". The phone call ended with me hanging up. I think it's definitely time to do something about him paying maintenance, according to

Posted to soon!

Last sentence should say, according to the maintenance calculator online, he owes me £500+! But whenever I raise anything regarding money, he says "what do you need it for?" Unbelievable!

It's totally normal, don't worry.

Stop all contact with him though, you aren't his PA and don't need to send him photos at all. If you can arrange a visit schedule and let that be your only contact. Though frankly if he hasn't come for three weeks it does not sound like he really wants contact anyway! Sack off contact with this abusive idiot

You’re not making choices which help you at the moment. You should start now. Stop sending him photos and videos. Apply for CMS today. Don’t let him drop in and out. Given how fucking useless he sounds I’d stop contact and tell him to apply to mediation or family court. I doubt he’ll bother.

A shit dad isn’t better than no dad. At the moment you’re making things far too easy for him. Stop.

"as, being a teacher, I have seen the affects of children not having a father in their life"

What a load of rubbish. Stop making excuses OP.

I’d be inclined to text him saying following his abusive phone call, you won’t be taking any further calls. All communication will have to be by text from now on. This evidences why you’ve stopped talking to him, could be useful. When you next see your health visitor, mention the way he’s been treating you.

I wouldn’t announce it, but I’d stop the daily messages. That’s a big burden for a sole carer of a newborn. A photo maybe every few weeks is more than generous.

He clearly doesn’t appreciate his responsibilities, so get a CMS claim in asap. His mum is not an extension of him.

I agree with this

he is being outrageous blaming you when he is an entirely neglectful non parent

the very fact you are even on here asking if you're to blame, rather than seeking advice in how to deal with this neglectful man is worrying. He's the problem, not you.

stop sending pictures and videos.

When he pays, he gets an opinion. I'd stop with the videos and get onto CMS.

Find a lawyer, OP. He needs to pay maintenance, and otherwise, be glad that he doesn't need to be in your life anymore. Your DD deserves a better role model than this.

I agree with everyone else op, he's an absolute dick.

It isn’t neglectful, it’s normal.

What isn’t normal is shouting and swearing down the phone, refusing to pay maintenance and not bothering to visit his child.

You are not ‘co-parenting’. You are doing all the parenting and is doing nothing.

Stop sending him updates and stop answering the phone to him.

OP this is a sign to keep yourself and your baby as far away from this man as possible. I’d screenshot the messages and start keeping a record of this abusive behaviour.