Boyfriend to give a friend a lift home

[MumLife90]

My friend has come over for some drinks. We were originally meant to go out but I couldn't afford it so she came to mine instead.

She said she'd get a cab home, but we live in a village and when it came to booking she was having issues.

My OH was awake as our DS had woken up. I asked if he could take her home. He was no happy about it and said he'd find a cab. My friend had already tried 3 so I said can you please just take her home. She's a female and needs to get home safe. He reluctantly agreed and is now pissed off at me!

Am I being unreasonable to ask this of him?

[Purplecatshopaholic]

If I was the DH I would be pissed off too. I probably would have said keep trying the taxis, and gone back to bed. She could also have stayed over - it’s not my fault if there’s been bad planning, or she can’t stay as needs to get back! Given it would have been clear I wasn’t up for it, I would be very pissed off if my partner pushed the issue by trying to guilt me into giving someone a lift at that hour tbh.

[wheredidIleavemystyle]

YANBU. I don't know where so many unfriendly people on MN come from!

In real life, yes it's totally normal to offer a guest a lift home (and this includes guests of partners) if they can't easily get a cab. Especially if it's only 15 minutes away and most especially if you live somewhere rural.

[wheredidIleavemystyle]

@pfs

She's a female and needs to get home safe

so would it be different if it was a male friend? AI think yabu for pulling the gender card, to go out alone at night is dangerous for anybody male or female.

Don't be ridiculous. Men sexually harass lone women. Women do not do this to me. We can stop "playing the gender card" when men stop doing this.

[hennaoj]

I wouldn't expect my husband to do that but he would because he's a decent human being.

[mountainsunsets]

I see both sides here.

I'd be pretty pissed off if DH volunteered me to drive one of his friends home at midnight because neither of them had been organised enough to sort a taxi or a lift beforehand.

But if I was awake anyway (and sober) I'd do it because it's a nice thing to do. I'd probably make DH go out and fetch me breakfast the next day as a thank you though

[Livpool]

@Midnights

This thread is just a mountain out of a molehill!!

Of course he's allowed to be annoyed that at midnight, whilst up dealing with your DC he then has to deal with two drunk women who are unable to figure out taxi booking or alternative arrangements. You put him in an awkward position, he did you the favour, and you said when he was home he wasn't annoyed anymore. Surely there's no big deal?


FWIW I'd do the same for my DH and he would for me, but we plan ahead and don't drop it on each other at midnight!

Exactly! Some of these replies are ridiculous. OP's DH was 'allowed' to be momentarily pissed off

[TarasHarp55]

@wheredidIleavemystyle

Don't be ridiculous. Men sexually harass lone women. Women do not do this to me. We can stop "playing the gender card" when men stop doing this.

No but men are in danger from other men. It's dangerous for anyone out alone late at night surely.

[qpmz]

I understand why he not thrilled but if it's a one off he shouldn't treat it as a big deal. Your friend only came to yours because you couldn't afford to go out so she might not have had chance to book a cab home.
Can she not stay at yours?

[Brefugee]

They'd been trying to get a cab since 11 and had tried three places. That's hardly expecting the DP to take care of her

meh. That's late for me on a Saturday when I'm in my room and watching something or listening to music. I don't expect to have to get up, put shoes on and drive an adult home who could have mentioned on arrival that she might need a lift home later.

And then for his GF to think he's U for not jumping up happily and bein all sweetness and light? on a board where people don't open their front door to non-pre-arranged visits? Bonkers. (Lots of people say MN hates men - when i see shit like some of the stuff that's posted here i can't say i disagree)

[PugInTheHouse]

My DH would not bat an eyelid. If he did he is not the sort of person I would want to be married to.

[Brefugee]

My DH would also have done it. Having said that: me and my friends aren't inconsiderate and would have mentioned, earlier on that there may be the possiblity that she'd need a lift.

And under those circs, my DH would have no problem with it. Where we would both have an issue (if the situation was reversed) is the last minute-ness of it all

So agree that it's what a DH would do, but also agree that given how late it was asked, DH would not be U to be irritated by it. And since he knows most of my friends, he would have pointed this out to both of us. And it wouldn't mean the end of a friendship, it would lead to apologies and profuse thanks.

[DirectionToPerfection]

I don't think it's fair to say OP and her friend were being inconsiderate, or "couldn't be bothered" making arrangements.

If the local taxi company is usually reliable, you'd naturally assume that there wouldn't be an issue. Especially if there are multiple companies serving the area.

It's just bad luck, these things happen. I agree that in real life, most people wouldn't get worked about offering a lift to someone who was stuck.

There are some seriously uptight people on MN.

[Viostep]

Shocked at the responses on here.
If my friend was over having drinks and couldn't get a taxi home, my husband would insist on taking her home. There's no way on earth he'd be comfortable telling her to walk alone at night, but then again he is a good man.

In fact, before we drove that situation happened to us. A friend couldn't get a taxi and insisted she could walk the 15 minute journey alone, walking passed a park where a well publicised rape had occurred in the past. Not a chance! He was putting his boots on and was going to walk her himself. All 3 of us ended up walking the route together. I couldn't stay with a man with the attitude of "not my problem" when it comes to women's safety.

I bet the people criticising OP would be first to question why a woman was walking alone at night when she was attacked. Maybe she no other choice and her "lack of planning didn't constitute an emergency" to a man who would rather sit in his room listening to music instead of helping her get home safely.

[KarmaStar]

You should have pre booked a cab ,yes she does need to get home safely that's very important.
leaving it to the last minute indicates you thought at the back of your mind he would take her home if no cabs?
I can understand he was a bit annoyed and perhaps a big thank you and apology will be the end of it.lesson learnt.

[wb3]

God you really can actually feel the pleasure some posters are getting from typing such judgemental comments.

Someone's plans went a little bit wrong. Someone was a little bit inconvenienced.

Some MNers really do love to stick the boot in.

[DirectionToPerfection]

@wb3

God you really can actually feel the pleasure some posters are getting from typing such judgemental comments.

Someone's plans went a little bit wrong. Someone was a little bit inconvenienced.

Some MNers really do love to stick the boot in.

It's really nasty.

God forbid a man might occasionally be asked to do his partner a favour.

Surely everyone puts themselves out from time to time to help out friends and family? It's give and take and part of having healthy relationships.

[LimpBiskit]

@Nymeria6

He shouldn't be peeved off he's being out of order. Rise above it

He was irritated at having to do it but was fine when he got back. Totally acceptable reaction. He did it and wasn't annoyed when he came home. Absolutely nothing out of order at all.

[LimpBiskit]

@DirectionToPerfection

It's really nasty.

God forbid a man might occasionally be asked to do his partner a favour.

Surely everyone puts themselves out from time to time to help out friends and family? It's give and take and part of having healthy relationships.

He did do his partner a favour and was fine with it when he returned. He was mildly irritated when first asked as I would have been too.

[slashlover]

@MumLife90

Can I just make things clear he was NOT asleep, he left the house at 11:45 and for back at 12:15. It's not wildly late, my friend couldn't stay because she has a child she needed to get back to and whilst pre booking a cab was a good idea in hind sight but we didn't do it.

I'm just glad she's home safe, my partner has no longer annoyed and knows for a fact I'd do the same for one of his friends!

You posted the OP at 11:46pm, the poor man was barely out of the driveway before you were on here moaning about him.

[Marvellousmadness]

He is u.
And grumpy

Its a small favor really.
You are a good friend

[tkwal]

Not sure I'd have spent the time he spent driving my friend home to bring the issue up on Mumsnet. I'd have boiled the kettle for a "reward" cup of tea. Not surprised he was a bit annoyed at being asked to leave his comfy bed but at least he did it and you will probably have to reciprocate at some point. Really wouldn't make any more fuss about it now

[Ein]

Yabvu. You and your friend got drunk, didn’t bother to book a cab in advance, then made tired OH do it when he was already doing the babycare?? Wow. Your friend should have instead slept on the sofa at yours.

You sound like a couple of teenagers moaning about their parent while being completely selfish.

[VroomVrooom]

Sorry for all of you on this thread with such sub-standard boyfriends / husbands.

[melj1213]

@VroomVrooom

Sorry for all of you on this thread with such sub-standard boyfriends / husbands.

A boyfriend/husband is not "sub standard" just because he was initially annoyed at being asked at 11.45pm (whilst already in bed) to drive the OPs friend home. Especially as the OP posted this practically the second he walked out of the door, so by the time he got back he had got over his annoyance so this was all a mountain out of a molehill

You can both do the right thing in driving the friend home while also being annoyed at being asked to do something inconvenient to you, it's not unreasonable to not be 100% happy at being volunteered for a task at the last minute.

I have done many favours for people because it was the right thing to do but it doesn't mean I can't grumble about being voluntold to do them when they're inconvenient.

[twinmum2022]

@VroomVrooom

Sorry for all of you on this thread with such sub-standard boyfriends / husbands.

I think most of us just have enough respect for our partners not to use them as a personal taxi service for unprepared friends 👍🏼 especially when looking after children.