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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend to give a friend a lift home

177 replies

MumLife90 · 24/09/2022 23:46

My friend has come over for some drinks. We were originally meant to go out but I couldn't afford it so she came to mine instead.

She said she'd get a cab home, but we live in a village and when it came to booking she was having issues.

My OH was awake as our DS had woken up. I asked if he could take her home. He was no happy about it and said he'd find a cab. My friend had already tried 3 so I said can you please just take her home. She's a female and needs to get home safe. He reluctantly agreed and is now pissed off at me!

Am I being unreasonable to ask this of him?

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 25/09/2022 00:02

Well, he said no and you didn’t respect that. So, I understand completely why he’s upset at you.

Healthy boundaries are important and you overstepped his. Maybe he didn’t feel up to driving half an hour round trip. Driving while very tired or sleepy or drowsy is considered as dangerous as drink driving.

It really should have been his decision.

And if your friend couldn’t get a cab or a lift then she has to be an adult and deal with the consequences. Perhaps she could wait 30 minutes or an hour and try to book a cab then. Maybe she would have to just stay over even though it wasn’t what she wanted.

It really was your friend’s problem and up to her to compromise. Not fair or respectful to make her problem a problem for your boyfriend to solve.

user1471457751 · 25/09/2022 00:02

@DontTrustThisPoster he has taken the friend home. Doesn't mean he's not allowed to be annoyed by the fact he had to because she couldn't organise herself.

@MumLife90 unless your friend needs to leave her house at 6am then there really is no reason she couldn't have stayed over.

GetRichOrDieTrying · 25/09/2022 00:03

MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:00

Yea I do drive but have also had a drink. He'll be home on 15 mins as just had a message from my friend saying she's home.

He's just being very annoyed and not really talking to me.

It's annoying yes, but to be so pissed off and not talking to me I think is maybe a bit far? I just wanted my friend to get home safe.

Then why didn’t you book her a taxi earlier? It sounds like it wasn’t important enough for either you or her to bother doing this, but important enough to get your boyfriend to drive her.

SarahDippity · 25/09/2022 00:03

He might be annoyed but hopefully he will get over it quickly. It will take him 40 minutes tops to pull in shoes, drop her home, and get back. He can lie in tomorrow perhaps? You didn’t wake him specially.

Original poster
MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:04

She was trying to get a cab from 11pm. She's never had an issue before so didn't think it would be now.

Looks like I was BU so will make it up to my partner somehow!

OP posts:
willstarttomorrow · 25/09/2022 00:04

I think their are different types of people when it comes to lifts. I am usually happy to offer people a lift, even if out of my way etc but I think that is linked to not being able to drive for a while and paying forward the times friends helped out. Also- even if it feels a bit of an inconvenience and unless it is bloody miles, a bit of time out of my life to get a friend, or a friend of someone I care about/nice person I met on training etc home safely is not a big thing in the scheme of things. Others think differently. I am always a bit shocked whe people do not offer lifts but that is their choice. If people take the piss I get it- but some people just have no generosity of spirit (not limited to lifts).

MakeItRain · 25/09/2022 00:05

YAB quite U! My ex used to offer my services as a taxi cab and it used to infuriate me. I remember picking him up once and 2 of his mates got in. I wasn't sure where they lived. He said he'd direct me, implying it "wasn't far" and I ended up doing a massive 90 min round trip. Incredibly, it took me over 5 years to realise what an arse he was! I know you didn't quite do that, but it is really bloody irritating to be taken for granted as a free cab.

CheezePleeze · 25/09/2022 00:06

He's entitled to be pissed off just as I would be if I'd been asleep, woken by my DC and then expected to drive someone home.

He's done you a favour, now cut him some slack. I'm sure he'll be ok in the morning.

ChocolateSpreadOnToast · 25/09/2022 00:08

Book a cab in advance next time. I grew up in a village and was never able to just get a taxi on demand.

Rogue1001MNer · 25/09/2022 00:11

Bloody hell, I'd have been livid.

I'd say he gets breakfast in bed at the very least.

Massively U of you to have put this on him at this time of night unless it were an emergency.
Poor planning doesn't cut it

Original poster
MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:12

He wasn't sleep, he was in listening to music. I am grateful but at the same time don't think I need the 3rd degree!

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 25/09/2022 00:13

Why didn't you drive her home?

Original poster
MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:14

Because I do as also over the limit. He's home now so I'll make sure he gets a lay in in the morning

OP posts:
Lime37 · 25/09/2022 00:16

tabby I would expect my husband to do that too

Lime37 · 25/09/2022 00:17

Yanbu even I can’t believe the ammount that think you're wrong

Summerfun54321 · 25/09/2022 00:18

Just ask him if you found yourself in that situation what would he rather - your friend’s DH drive you 15mins home or you stay out all night over at her house and get a taxi back in the morning?

Summerfun54321 · 25/09/2022 00:20

Some people don’t like putting themselves out for others but I wouldn’t think twice about giving your friend a lift and neither would my DH. These things happen and she just wanted to get home. It’s not even that late.

ExtraOnions · 25/09/2022 00:20

My husband always gives my friends a lift home if I’ve had a night out … and even a night in, he’ll drop my friends or family off. I’ve done my share of lifts for his friends in the past. It’s just a normal, nice thing to do.

GetRichOrDieTrying · 25/09/2022 00:21

Summerfun54321 · 25/09/2022 00:18

Just ask him if you found yourself in that situation what would he rather - your friend’s DH drive you 15mins home or you stay out all night over at her house and get a taxi back in the morning?

The latter, clearly. If I’d been stupid / selfish enough to not arrange a taxi I’d just sleep there.

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/09/2022 00:22

She needs to prebook her cab, but given she didn’t she should have stayed rather than got your husband out of bed..

.. on other hand she came to you because you were broke so I can see why you’d want to help.

it’s 50/50 really, he shouldn’t be sulking about it though.

Original poster
MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:22

That's what I thought most recent posts but apparently I'm not being reasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:23

MumLife90 · 25/09/2022 00:22

That's what I thought most recent posts but apparently I'm not being reasonable

Not* being reasonable

OP posts:
Aubriella · 25/09/2022 00:25

What if he had had a drink too?

A bit irresponsible to rely on him.

Iwanttoholdyourham · 25/09/2022 00:27

I think the normal reaction would have been to have her crash at yours overnight. You were over the limit and couldn't drink, but by the sound of it, he was tired and grumpy, and whilst it's legal to drive when tired, it's not a marvellous idea either.

If she had to be somewhere early the next day, it might be have been easier getting a cab in the morning. If she had kids waiting for her that late, presumably she had a relative looking after them rather than a babysitter (absolutely not a judgement on going out, more a comment on how hard it is to find a babysitter who will do after a certain time).

I think it's possible for your OH to want your friend to be safe whilst still feeling annoyed he's the one who has to make sure it happens. A taxi or a sofa would have been a solution that didn't really involve him. Having failed at the taxi, sofa would be the logical alternative. (Apologies if there really was a compelling reason why she couldn't stay, you didn't elaborate on the details, so I wasn't sure if it was a case of didn't want to, as opposed to really couldn't!)

FlyingandFrankie · 25/09/2022 00:30

YABU.

She could have stayed over but didn’t want to. She chose to inconvenience your partner instead of herself, and now you’re angry at him?

I wouldn’t do a 30 minute round trip at 1am. I would be way too tired and it wouldn’t be safe.