Page 5 | Boyfriend to give a friend a lift home

MumLife90 · 2022-09-24T22:46:33+00:00

My friend has come over for some drinks. We were originally meant to go out but I couldn't afford it so she came to mine instead. She said she'd get a cab home, but we live in a village and when it came to booking she was having issues. My OH was awake as our DS had woken up. I asked if he could take her home. He was no happy about it and said he'd find a cab. My friend had already tried 3 so I said can you please just take her home. She's a female and needs to get home safe. He reluctantly agreed and is now pissed off at me! Am I being unreasonable to ask this of him?

TabithaTittlemouse · 25/09/2022 06:30

What would you have done if he was asleep?

duckme · 25/09/2022 06:31

Yeah, you could have planned it better. But I can't imagine any situation where my husband would not immediately offer to take a friend home.

londonrach · 25/09/2022 06:34

Yabu. Your friend says the night next time or you sort cab before

2022babyhope · 25/09/2022 07:19

Would you be thrilled if he had his friend round drinking with no prearranged way home only to be asked last second whilst attending to your child to take them home?

Because I'd be bloody pissed off.

YABU.

Noteverybodylives · 25/09/2022 07:45

If he was awake and hadn’t been drinking then I’m surprised he didn’t offer to drive.

Many times me or my partner have driven each other’s friends home.

If I’m going bed soon then they’ll make a decision whether to get a lift home now or wait and then get a cab or walk home later on.

If he was in bed then I’d think you were BU but he was awake so I don’t see the issue, especially if this isn’t a common thing.

WimbyAce · 25/09/2022 08:16

I can see why he was annoyed. You 2 having a good time drinking. Him looking after the little one who had woken. Then asked to be a taxi service. Just imagining if it was role's reversed and I think you'd be annoyed too.

Eyeroll85 · 25/09/2022 08:18

Same.
Cannot believe how uptight some of the replies on here are…it was 11.30pm and by the sounds of things, a one off.
Cannot fathom where the anger about putting yourself out to do a one off small favour comes from?
Firstly, unless this was a regular occurrence, my lovely partner would be pleased for me, that I was having a nice evening with my friend.
If, at the end of the evening, we ran into issues getting her home, he would absolutely offer to take her. No questions asked.
I am sure if he was tired and had been sleeping, he would not be thrilled, but he would 100percent still offer.
Even if he was sleeping and I chose not to wake him, if I had told him in the morning that she walked home alone, he would be a bit miffed as to why I had not woken him to ask.
He would not under any circumstances be so rude as to make my guest feel uncomfortable by being an arse to me about it in front of her - though the poster does not her husband did this.
However, at the end of the day, he HAS dropped her off, he may be annoyed about it, maybe he’s just tired and hopefully, by the time he comes home, he’s not so pissed off. I’d just thank him for putting himself out and apologise for the inconvenience and let him be annoyed for a bit, safe in the knowledge that she made it home.

TarasHarp55 · 25/09/2022 08:19

I'd just thank him and put up with his grumpiness. Obviously he did the right thing but he was justifiably annoyed.
Most of us expect to be able to jump back into our warm beds after a brief sleep disturbance, not get waylaid into a half hour drive.

WonderingWanda · 25/09/2022 08:22

He had been asleep in bed, I would have been grumpy and probably tefused to do it, you are unreasonable and prettyblucky that the whole 'she's a woman and needs to get home safely' guilt trip worked. Your friend is an adult who should have prearranged her travel plans prior to coming over or planned to stay over.

TarasHarp55 · 25/09/2022 08:22

TarasHarp55 · 25/09/2022 08:19

I'd just thank him and put up with his grumpiness. Obviously he did the right thing but he was justifiably annoyed.
Most of us expect to be able to jump back into our warm beds after a brief sleep disturbance, not get waylaid into a half hour drive.

It wasn't as if it would have been a toss up between him giving her a lift and her walking home. The alternative would have been for her to stay the night, however inconvenient that would have been for her.

TarasHarp55 · 25/09/2022 08:27

TarasHarp55 · 25/09/2022 08:22

It wasn't as if it would have been a toss up between him giving her a lift and her walking home. The alternative would have been for her to stay the night, however inconvenient that would have been for her.

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So really there was no need to say "she's a woman and needs to get home safe". Obviously that's a given. It should have been, "if you can't she'll have to sleep over and she doesn't want to do that". Why would him refusing have to have meant she'd set off walking.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 25/09/2022 08:27

Summerfun54321 · 25/09/2022 00:18

Just ask him if you found yourself in that situation what would he rather - your friend’s DH drive you 15mins home or you stay out all night over at her house and get a taxi back in the morning?

I think people are confusing two things - what was the right thing to do, which was take her home. Which he did. And then his right to feel to feel pissed off that he was the one that had to do it at one in the morning, when he’d only woken to look after the baby. Which I think he has every right to. Who would really relish an unplanned 30/45 car drive sprung on them at that hour because no one had pre-booked a taxi? I can’t believe the number of people who are conflating the two - he did the right thing, but he also has the right to be pissed off he was put in that position.

Beautiful3 · 25/09/2022 08:27

I think it's nice to take her home. But it was midnight, he was tired and didn't want to be the taxi. Next time prebook one, or she sleeps on the sofa. Maybe don't drink, in case it happens again, then she can drive herself home, or you can facilitate the lift? You'll probably find that next time your friends over, he'll have a drink to veto being asked again!

Eyeroll85 · 25/09/2022 08:28

VroomVrooom · 25/09/2022 01:45

I can understand why he is annoyed. He’s tired, wasn’t expecting to have to haul ass into the night at a late hour.

But ….

My Dh would do this without hesitation.

In fact, he’d be mortified if any of my friends saw him as being anything other than completely willing to make sure they got home safely.

And likewise, I have had friends’ husbands drop me home, and they’ve never been anything other than unquestioningly happy to do it.

I know much of humanity - including much of MN - thinks men are all hopeless drop-kicks, expected to operate at a standard of behaviour so far below women, they might as well be a different species…

But actually, all the men I know are good, decent, considerate and thoughtful. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This!!
100 percent!

lanbro · 25/09/2022 08:29

I would do it, maybe be mildly put out but not pissed off, and I would expect any decent human to do it. It was only midnight and Sunday the next day so unlikely he had to be up early for work. Hopefully it's all forgotten this morning and he's not still annoyed

Noteverybodylives · 25/09/2022 08:30

Most of us expect to be able to jump back into our warm beds after a brief sleep disturbance, not get waylaid into a half hour drive.

OP has said he wasn’t asleep though.

If he was then I could see why he’d be annoyed but if he hadn’t gone sleep yet and was awake then it’s no big deal.

THisbackwithavengeance · 25/09/2022 08:34

Overandunderit · 24/09/2022 23:53

YABU. Your bf isn't yours or your friends taxi service.

Yeah he's not but surely putting yourself out for your partner is what decent people do?

A decent DH/DP would have either offered the lift without being asked or certainly not made a fuss when asked.

BadNomad · 25/09/2022 08:36

He was only awake because the baby had woken up, according to the OP's first post. Maybe he was on baby duty that night seeing as the OP was downstairs drinking with her friend.

Laureline · 25/09/2022 08:46

My partner wouldn’t have a problem with it, because he’s a decent man, and also the father of 2 daughters.
And I would be making him a nice Sunday breakfast as a thank you.

If it had been really far, or really late, well, she sleeps on the sofa, and that’s it.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/09/2022 08:47

NumberTheory · 25/09/2022 00:49

Have we forgotten the majority of rapes are by people the victim knows, like a friend, or the partner of a friend, not a stranger on the street?

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So op shouldn't ask in case he rapes her because a drunk woman walking 45-60 minutes in the dark is so much safer?

PinkButtercups · 25/09/2022 08:48

I wouldn't be pissed off and I could wake my DP like I did last night actually to pick up my nephew at 1am as he wanted to come home from a party and he wouldn't be pissed off.

I think it's pathetic to be pissed off so does my DP who would rather see someone get home safe. That's the priority.

Brefugee · 25/09/2022 08:48

Bloody norah, OP. VU. Poor guy

musicviking1 · 25/09/2022 08:49

My husband has done this plenty of times for friends and family, my husband doesn't drink alcohol so he is aways giving someone a lift home.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/09/2022 08:50

TarasHarp55 · 25/09/2022 08:22

It wasn't as if it would have been a toss up between him giving her a lift and her walking home. The alternative would have been for her to stay the night, however inconvenient that would have been for her.

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Except that she had a child to get back to, so may well have walked

DirectionToPerfection · 25/09/2022 08:55

Eyeroll85 · 25/09/2022 08:18

Same.
Cannot believe how uptight some of the replies on here are…it was 11.30pm and by the sounds of things, a one off.
Cannot fathom where the anger about putting yourself out to do a one off small favour comes from?
Firstly, unless this was a regular occurrence, my lovely partner would be pleased for me, that I was having a nice evening with my friend.
If, at the end of the evening, we ran into issues getting her home, he would absolutely offer to take her. No questions asked.
I am sure if he was tired and had been sleeping, he would not be thrilled, but he would 100percent still offer.
Even if he was sleeping and I chose not to wake him, if I had told him in the morning that she walked home alone, he would be a bit miffed as to why I had not woken him to ask.
He would not under any circumstances be so rude as to make my guest feel uncomfortable by being an arse to me about it in front of her - though the poster does not her husband did this.
However, at the end of the day, he HAS dropped her off, he may be annoyed about it, maybe he’s just tired and hopefully, by the time he comes home, he’s not so pissed off. I’d just thank him for putting himself out and apologise for the inconvenience and let him be annoyed for a bit, safe in the knowledge that she made it home.

Yeah, I think this how the majority of people would see it.

There seems to be a significant number of highly strung people on MN.