Boyfriend to give a friend a lift home

[MumLife90]

My friend has come over for some drinks. We were originally meant to go out but I couldn't afford it so she came to mine instead.

She said she'd get a cab home, but we live in a village and when it came to booking she was having issues.

My OH was awake as our DS had woken up. I asked if he could take her home. He was no happy about it and said he'd find a cab. My friend had already tried 3 so I said can you please just take her home. She's a female and needs to get home safe. He reluctantly agreed and is now pissed off at me!

Am I being unreasonable to ask this of him?

[Lucyintheskywithrubies]

I can understand why he’s pissed off but after reading your updates YANBU.

BUT you saying “she’s a female” and the pp saying “what about Sarah Everard” is crass. She should have pre booked particularly if as you say she had a child to get home. This is on her, not your DH

[RockItLikeRocketFuel]

Your OH is NBU, I would be pissed off with being inconvenienced by your lack of planning too. And, FWIW, a man putting his GF/DW in the same position would likely get eviscerated on here.

What would you have done if he'd cracked a beer or two as he'd have every right to on a Saturday night?

[VroomVrooom]

I can understand why he is annoyed. He’s tired, wasn’t expecting to have to haul ass into the night at a late hour.

But ….

My Dh would do this without hesitation.

In fact, he’d be mortified if any of my friends saw him as being anything other than completely willing to make sure they got home safely.

And likewise, I have had friends’ husbands drop me home, and they’ve never been anything other than unquestioningly happy to do it.

I know much of humanity - including much of MN - thinks men are all hopeless drop-kicks, expected to operate at a standard of behaviour so far below women, they might as well be a different species…

But actually, all the men I know are good, decent, considerate and thoughtful. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[pinheadlarry]

If he was already awake then whats the problem?

[Tinkity]

It's not wildly late, my friend couldn't stay because she has a child she needed to get back to

Who was with her child? If it was her partner, couldn’t he have come picked her up?

[RockItLikeRocketFuel]

@pinheadlarry

If he was already awake then whats the problem?

He, quite reasonably, wasn't expecting late on his Saturday night to suddenly be required to stop relaxing, take off his slippers, put on some shoes, fetch his car keys, leave the house, unlock the car, drive the OP's friend home, drive back home again, park the car, lock the car... you get the picture?

[PinkSyCo]

If your boyfriend was not asleep then why did you say in your original post that he was awake because your child had woken up. That made it sound as though said child had woken him from his slumber, in which case it would’ve been unreasonable of you to ask him to get out of bed to drive someone home, whereas if he was wide awake a kind man would have helped out willingly.

[GetRichOrDieTrying]

@PinkSyCo

If your boyfriend was not asleep then why did you say in your original post that he was awake because your child had woken up. That made it sound as though said child had woken him from his slumber, in which case it would’ve been unreasonable of you to ask him to get out of bed to drive someone home, whereas if he was wide awake a kind man would have helped out willingly.

Quite apart from why he was expected to wake up and deal with it when she was still up.

[PearlLennox]

meh. He did it.

he’s entitled to be a little bit irritated. But he still did it.

non-issue.

[StandingInTheMoment]

He was a bit pissed off which is reasonable as he wasn’t expecting to have to go out and it was late. But he took your friend home. You jumped on mumsnet as soon as he left the house to tell everyone. Within an hour it was all sorted, friend home, partner no longer pissed off. Ridiculous. 🤣

[BadNomad]

I'd be annoyed too if my partner volunteered me to drag my ass out of the house in the middle of the night because her friend didn't have the sense to book a taxi in advance on a Saturday night when she knew she had to get home to her child.

[Nymeria6]

He shouldn't be peeved off he's being out of order. Rise above it

[Mothership4two]

Initially I thought YANBU as my DH would have done it and so would I especially as it isn't a regular thing, he was already up and it's not that far. However, reading back it seems that OP wrote this while he was out giving her friend the lift, so actually YABU for not cutting him some slack for being a bit put out and grumpy about having to go out unexpectedly on a Saturday night. I'd say a big thank you especially as he has now calmed down.

[Mindmyown]

I really don't know about this one.

My dp would of likely asked earlier if she would need a lift home later... & he certainly would of offered.

That said, if we assured him she had a way home (taxi) and he went to bed it would then be unreasonable to expect him to happily get up and drive her home, it's a bit disrespectful actually. I know he'd be polite about it to her but I'd expect him to be a bit annoyed with me when he returned. Really wouldn't be surprised if he didn't talk to me. But he'd be grand by morning if I got up with kids and gave him a lie in & promise it won't happen again.

I do think you did the right thing not having your friend walk home alone, and I'm sure your dp will agree with that much. Just better planning in future and maybe give your partner a lie in tomorrow as a thank you 😊

[madasawethen]

He was being unreasonable to have a sook about giving someone a ride.

He was already awake anyway. It was 30 minutes of his time.

[tiredinoratia]

I cant see my husband being annoyed at this..in fact I think he would have insisted himself. He certainly isnt perfect but this is just basic human decency. Living with someone dictates that sometimes you give and sometimes you take. It all.works out and if i had a mate round for my own mental health and enjoyment, he would encourage and support that in anyway possible as I for him. Swings and roundabouts.

He is either selfish or feels he does the lions share. Either way Id have a chat about expectations and boundaries.

[Breakingpoint1961]

If I was asked in these circumstances ie not silly o'clock, and I was awake, I might be a bit 'tut' but I'd do it, especially if it were a woman (I'm female) I certainly wouldn't cause a scene about it, unless it was a regular occurrence, which you have stated it isn't!

Just to add, it appears this was NOT intentional on your friends part, as you have also stated.

Your 'D' H is BU I'm afraid.

[BetterthanIthink]

@StandingInTheMoment

He was a bit pissed off which is reasonable as he wasn’t expecting to have to go out and it was late. But he took your friend home. You jumped on mumsnet as soon as he left the house to tell everyone. Within an hour it was all sorted, friend home, partner no longer pissed off. Ridiculous. 🤣

This exactly

[SofaLola33]

Think he’s overreacting a bit, unless this is something that happens a lot?

it’s not like she purposely said she wasn’t going to get a taxi, she tried and was unable too.

it’s not exactly safe for her to walk.

[Augend23]

I understand the logic of pre-booking a cab, but surely at the start of the evening you don't know if you'll both be knackered by 10 and want an early-ish night or if you'll be happily chatting away and not want to go home til midnight.

So if you don't normally have an issue getting a cab back, pre-booking is clearly a subpar option.

Glad it's all alright in the end OP.

[Zonder]

@Tinkity

It's not wildly late, my friend couldn't stay because she has a child she needed to get back to

Who was with her child? If it was her partner, couldn’t he have come picked her up?

Or if he couldn't leave the child to pick her up he could have continued to stay with the child while she slept on the sofa.

[Harrystylestutu]

She might have a babysitter to get back to though..@Tinkity @Zonder

[Devilishpyjamas]

My husband would (& has) done similar.

Glad your partner is no longer annoyed.

[Zonder]

@Harrystylestutu

She might have a babysitter to get back to though..@Tinkity @Zonder

Of course. I guess that's why Tinkity put if it's her partner...

[oopsfellover]

Can see why he might be grumpy at the request but it sounds like one of those things, and the safest option in the circumstances. Hope he cheers up!