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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to look after someone else's drunk DC?

273 replies

demo2026 · 23/09/2022 23:59

As title says.

DD went out tonight with her friend and the plan was for him to sleep at ours, he's done this loads of times before so I agreed as I didn't think they'd be too drunk, DD is fine, her friend however isn't, he's been sick a few times and I can't even get a conversation out of him, I messaged his mum and she said she's on holiday and she'll try and call his grandad but that was about half an hour ago and I've not had a message from her.

Aibu for not wanting to look after someone else's drunk child?

OP posts:
RavenhairedRachel · 25/09/2022 18:53

As if the ambulance service haven't enough to do while they're sorting out an idiotic drunken kid someone dies of a heart attack

T1Dmama · 25/09/2022 18:57

I’ve been in this position before and my best friends mum had to look after a much younger drunk me….. she literally looked after me all night rubbing my back and holding back my hair … I literally never drank that much ever again and she still allowed me to sleep over after nights out!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as such… however you do need to think if your daughter was ever this drunk would you want someone to simply look after her or would you want them to bitch and moan about her on social platforms… anonymously or otherwise!

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/09/2022 18:59

no one really wants to look after somebody else's drunk child

but would like to think a friends mum would and an adult wouid do the same if your child

yes I know she is 18 but can still get rat arsed

know this was last night and assume hungover today

when is mum back from holiday

sue20 · 25/09/2022 19:01

demo2026 · 23/09/2022 23:59

As title says.

DD went out tonight with her friend and the plan was for him to sleep at ours, he's done this loads of times before so I agreed as I didn't think they'd be too drunk, DD is fine, her friend however isn't, he's been sick a few times and I can't even get a conversation out of him, I messaged his mum and she said she's on holiday and she'll try and call his grandad but that was about half an hour ago and I've not had a message from her.

Aibu for not wanting to look after someone else's drunk child?

No you’re not unreasonable but what are you going to do about it? You can’t (shouldn’t) toss him out.

sue20 · 25/09/2022 19:18

Eddieisadick · 24/09/2022 00:57

Oh it’s just a teenager being sick. Do some due diligence and then he’ll sleep it off. It’s not fun but it’s hardly a catastrophe.

but definitely call an ambulance. For sure

Just some teenager being sick but definitely call an ambulance??? Would you seriously do that???

Kteeb1 · 25/09/2022 19:20

Oh come on, what are you going to do through them out into the street? Of course you shouldn't have to but you absolutely should. This happened to me really recently where DD was ok but get friend wasnt and i held her hair back and put her to bed. And i made it clear the next day that wasn't going to happen again. I think you're mad at the adult and she sounds like an idiot but don't take that out on the child. Just tell the mum you wont be having then stay over again if you think shes taking the piss

JessesMum777888 · 25/09/2022 19:24

browneyes77 · 25/09/2022 18:03

My mom would’ve been like “you think it’s funny? Then you can clean his sick up!”

Lessons have to be learnt.

Show quote history

My mum too !

SunshineLoving · 25/09/2022 19:31

Look after him and don't have him stay at your house after a night out again.

Puffalicious · 25/09/2022 19:35

I agree with taking one for the team- it comes with the territory of teenagers. A few weeks ago DS1 had his 18th here at home- BIG party which we organised and hosted. We had 3 vomiters over the course of a long night. All were outside (deck or grass). 2 were mortified and headed home, 1 wasn't used to alcohol (had only had it once before) and was sick for 2 hours on and off 🥴. Ex DH is medical, so took charge. We put him on his side on a makeshift bed with a tarpaulin under him (carpet is new), a bucket and water. Ex DH slept in the same room (spare room) so he could hear him if he was sick again/ choking. If exDH wasn't here I'd have insisted DS1 did this.

You can't be too careful. Even though he's 18, he needed looking after. His parents are very strict, so I didn't contact them. He was very sheepish in the morning; couldn't face a bacon roll 😆; apologised; listened when we spoke about moderation and appreciated being taken care of.

Longleggedgiraffe · 25/09/2022 19:35

YANBU to not to want to look after him, but the bottom line is, he's a minor under your care with your consent. Look after him, but have the reckoning with him and DD in the morning. Put your foot down and trll them in no uncertain terms he's not staying again. And stick to it.

Grrrrdarling · 25/09/2022 19:42

demo2026 · 23/09/2022 23:59

As title says.

DD went out tonight with her friend and the plan was for him to sleep at ours, he's done this loads of times before so I agreed as I didn't think they'd be too drunk, DD is fine, her friend however isn't, he's been sick a few times and I can't even get a conversation out of him, I messaged his mum and she said she's on holiday and she'll try and call his grandad but that was about half an hour ago and I've not had a message from her.

Aibu for not wanting to look after someone else's drunk child?

YABU as I am sure you would hope another adult would do the same for your DD if she was in the same state!
If the child is staying at yours they are your responsibility, no matter how old they are, & I would hope that you would care for them the same way you do your own!

Did you know his parents were going on holiday & therefore leaving him in your soul care? If but they are out of order!

I’d be annoyed at your daughter, the drunk underaged child & his parents!

I’d have a stern talk with all about boundaries & expectations going forward!

Oliverfunyuns · 25/09/2022 19:50

I'm amazed that people think this is normal or to be expected. I guess my parents struck it lucky. Neither I nor my younger sisters ever did this sort of thing. I've never actually been around someone so drunk that they're vomiting profusely and unable to hold a conversation. It's a choice to drink yourself into oblivion, no matter how young and stupid you may be.

If I was the only responsible adult around, I'd keep an eye on him. Not much else you can do, really. But it's not normal or acceptable, imo.

Bobbi730 · 25/09/2022 19:55

When I was a teenager, I got really drunk and my friends mum looked after me, cleaned me up and sent me home in the morning. I am forever grateful and swore to do the same thing if it ever happened to a friend of my children.
If you know this boy and it isn't a regular occurrence, I say you should just look after him. He'll probably be mortified in the morning.

April506 · 25/09/2022 20:05

i think maybe your daughter is rather drunk too… why would she be amused … put him in her bed , she won’t be so thrilled if he spews in it

ARoyalSubject · 25/09/2022 20:05

Whammyyammy · 24/09/2022 00:00

Call him an ambulance

And we wonder why the ambulance service is in such trouble?

tinx · 25/09/2022 20:06

Do NOT call an ambulance ffs

Gwenhwyfar · 25/09/2022 20:16

Apart from making sure they got home safely, I've never looked after drunken friends. Or had anyone look after me when I was drunk and vomiting....

Missingpop · 25/09/2022 20:16

🫣 were you never a youngster, he’s just doing what kids do; so he’s heaved his guts up a few times; so hopefully that’s the worst of it; unless he also gets the shits; but give him a few glasses of water; a bucket & a towel put him to bed & hope that when he wakes up he feels like he’s been hit by a train; he’ll be full of apologies as he begs you for paracetamol in an attempt to stop the drums banging in his head & warn him he never does it again whilst staying at your house or he will find himself sleeping in the shed!!

Gwenhwyfar · 25/09/2022 20:18

"It's a choice to drink yourself into oblivion, no matter how young and stupid you may be."

No, not really. You could be feeling Ok after a few drinks and then you have just one more and it's too much, or you get into a car and combination of motion sickness and being drunk tips you over the edge.
I thought I'd had a sheltered life, but if you've never been around anyone drunk enough to have thrown up, you're either incredibly sheltered or you don't know what happened to people once they got home.

Rantismymiddlename · 25/09/2022 20:34

So therefore this is one of those things that happens. Ever drunk too much yourself as a teenager and been sick? My advice is to do what you would want another parent to do for your 17 year old if you couldn't get there. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and take one for the parenting team.

Angrywife · 25/09/2022 20:36

You should treat him as you would hope his mum would treat your daughter should she be the drunk one at theirs

Tigertigertigertiger · 25/09/2022 20:37

Be a decent human being and take good care of him.

Clarityiskey · 25/09/2022 20:46

What @Tigertigertigertiger said.

JudgeJ · 25/09/2022 20:49

tinx · 25/09/2022 20:06

Do NOT call an ambulance ffs

This! A and E is cluttered up enough with the consequences of drunks. They need a drunk tank, throw them in to sleep it off then charge them in the morning for the trouble their drinking has caused.

Notaflippinclue · 25/09/2022 20:50

Why condone this - been there but parents never condoned it. Don’t allow this every whip and flip.