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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery made DS take his glasses off

244 replies

GlassesWearer · 23/09/2022 17:57

NC’d because I know other nursery mum’s are on here.

DS is 3 and has had glasses for two years. He has a very strong prescription and gets very upset when his glasses are taken away (because he’s essentially blind). We did tell nursery this. He even has goggles for swimming and sports goggles too, we always make sure he has a spare pair on him in case something happens to them.

We’ve been given the order form for his school photos (individual and class photo) and he’s not wearing his glasses. Nursery mentioned to DH at pick up on the day they were taken that they took them off because it looks nicer - DH didn’t mention this to me until after I saw the proofs today. They also mentioned to DH that he was a bit upset during the photos and that they struggled to get one (which will be because he didn’t have his glasses on)!

I’m really upset that they took his glasses off him. I think he looks adorable in them but, regardless, that’s not their purpose. They’re a medical device and he needs them. On the other hand, what’s done is done, there’s no long term harm and he does look precious in the photos.

AIBU to raise this with his teacher and ask them not to remove them for future photos? There have been no other issues, we’re very happy and DS loves going there.

OP posts:
Cactuslove · 23/09/2022 18:36

My 4 yr old wears glasses- similar to your son a very strong prescription. I'd be absolutely livid if this happened to him. I'm angry now thinking about. What happens when they don't think the birthmark a kid has photographs well? Or a wheelchair? Who the hell do they think they are? My son's glasses are a part of him. He looks lovely with or without them but he's more 'him' with them. I would absolutely follow this up. I genuinely think they should recall the photographer.

WonderingWanda · 23/09/2022 18:37

I agree this is appalling. I would write formally to the nursery manager to complain. Ask if they would remove a disabled child from their wheelchair because it looked better? They need to learn from this and educate all their staff that this is not appropriate.

Mulhollandmagoo · 23/09/2022 18:37

Agree with @CornishTiger and that point needs raising with the nursery, and ask them to never remove them again, especially not for a photo, that's so superficial!

Your poor boy 😔

Bonbud · 23/09/2022 18:38

Omg how dare they!! I'd be raging!! Poor little thing :(

mam0918 · 23/09/2022 18:38

KimberleyClark · 23/09/2022 18:01

It’s disgusting. If you wear glasses they are a part of you. I would be offended if someone told me I looked better without mine. We are very glasses-ist in this country.

Not always.

I legally HAVE to wear glasses to drive, I also cant watch tv or the cinema etc... without then but 99% of my time is spent not wearing them, I always hated wearing them and the exaserbate my other disabilities. I am completely use to being 'blind' (obviously not actually blind but I have no depth percerption and short sited) and happy that way.

I do agree if OP DS always wears glasses and is upset without them then they where being abelist, no one should ever take someones crutches/wheelchair etc... and this is another version of that but I dont agree that glasses are 'automatically' a part of someone just because they have to use them.

OP should clarify with the school not to take her DS glasses off again unless theres due cause (such as the are broken or he has something in his eye that needs washing out).

mycatisannoying · 23/09/2022 18:38

This is really dreadful, OP Flowers

MeridianB · 23/09/2022 18:39

Oh my goodness, OP, that is really horrible.

I’d be so bloody angry about this and would definitely raise it with the manager, not just the key worker.

I hate the idea that they made him feel him feel uncomfortable or upset. And I hate the idea that they thought he looked better without his glasses.

Do make sure you get some accountability on this.

BitossiBlues · 23/09/2022 18:40

Really out of order and a terrible message to send to other children as well as your son, implying he is less attractive wearing them. Whoever took them off him is very behind the times. Glasses have been a fashion statement piece for years now, some of the kids' ones are incredibly funky. My DD wore glasses from age 3, and looked great. Several of her friends, who didn't need them, were begging their parents for a pair!

ShaneTwane · 23/09/2022 18:41

This happened to my friends daughter at a football event. The photographer made her remove her (very cute) glasses saying it looks better! Did it fuck the little girl is completely cross eyed without them on and had a glasses shaped sun tan on her face without them. The photos were awful they have been hidden in a drawer, my friend wont display it.

No idea why some photographers are so shit at their jobs that they cant cope with glasses glare and correct it.

Tiredtoday22 · 23/09/2022 18:41

I experienced this 33 years ago in nursery, I really hoped today's society would be different. I went on to experience it throughout primary school and it certainly made me feel self conscious. Photographers should be skilled enough to manage reflection in glasses given the cost of those photos. The one reassuring thing about this thread is how many think it's unreasonable. I'm sorry for you and your DS OP.

RedWingBoots · 23/09/2022 18:41

As a mother of a 4 year old who wears glasses and who has been wearing them since she was 2 years old, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY PLAYING AT?

HOW DOES HE LOOK BETTER?

It is actually still rare for little children, especially those under 3, to wear glasses so they actually stand out and look cute because of it.

Yes tell the nursery they aren't to take his classes off for photos.

ElizabethBest · 23/09/2022 18:41

That’s horrific. Would they tip a child with a wheelchair out? Or make someone with leg braces take them off? Of course they wouldn’t. It’s thoroughly inappropriate and I would be very angry with them.

JudgeRindersMinder · 23/09/2022 18:42

My dd is very short sighted and wore glasses from the start of school. They’d wonder what had hit them if they’d pulled this kind of stunt with her!

JudgeRindersMinder · 23/09/2022 18:42

Do children who wear hearing aids look cuter without them? What about the kid who uses a mobility aid?

RedWingBoots · 23/09/2022 18:43

@ShaneTwane photographers can cope with older kids from primary age and adults wearing glasses. I guess they get really crap ones to take photos of little kids.

Sirzy · 23/09/2022 18:44

I had the same with a school photographer when I was older and refused to take them off as I’m not me without them - he was worried about reflections

the only time I take my glasses of for a photo is for my passport, and even then it causes problems because they send it back because my eyes aren’t looking forward - they can’t both look the same way without glasses!

PlumAndPewter · 23/09/2022 18:44

I wouldn’t assume the nursery took them off because they just thought he looked better without them, that would be a really peculiar thing to do. I had to take my glasses off recently when having a new professional photo taken for work because the anti-glare coating on them and the fluorescent lights in the room meant the photographer couldn’t get a photo where my glasses didn’t have green reflections in them. I’d think it was more likely to be something like that, but you need to have a calm conversation with the nursery staff about it.

BatshitBanshee · 23/09/2022 18:45

CornishTiger · 23/09/2022 18:01

I’d be furious.

They are removing his ability to see correctly and giving him the message he doesn’t look good with them on.

Not ok at all.

This is put a lot more politely than I could say it.

I'd be furious. And I'd rain hell down on the nursery. "Look nicer" ODFRO.

Crotonifolia · 23/09/2022 18:46

I'd be really angry with this. My daughter has worn glasses since she was 4, and now sometimes gets a but self conscious about them. She asks if she's prettier without them, and says she wishes she didn't need them. We are a glasses wearing house, so this isn't anything that has come from home! If school had removed hers for a photo I really think this would affect her. It's not acceptable.

Isaidnoalready · 23/09/2022 18:46

My sister always had school photos looking at the floor looking to the left or the right mug shots they were proper professional photographer can get a photo without the glasses flash

RedWingBoots · 23/09/2022 18:48

PlumAndPewter · 23/09/2022 18:44

I wouldn’t assume the nursery took them off because they just thought he looked better without them, that would be a really peculiar thing to do. I had to take my glasses off recently when having a new professional photo taken for work because the anti-glare coating on them and the fluorescent lights in the room meant the photographer couldn’t get a photo where my glasses didn’t have green reflections in them. I’d think it was more likely to be something like that, but you need to have a calm conversation with the nursery staff about it.

Did you read this part of the OP post?

Nursery mentioned to DH at pick up on the day they were taken that they took them off because it looks nicer

**

UnicornMumcraft · 23/09/2022 18:48

I would be really cross if this happened to me. All mine wear glasses, and similarly can’t really see without them. Their glasses are part of them and the message it’s sends by taking them off is dreadful.

Reminds me of when my youngest was born, she had a feeding tube (we were eventually discharged with it still in) and the Bounty photographer who came round suggested waiting til it came out so we had a ‘nicer’ picture, she did not get a good reaction from a stressed out, sleep deprived and hormonal me!

girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 18:52

That's appalling.

Sirzy · 23/09/2022 18:53

Even if it was to stop glare or something that’s the photographers issue to sort it’s not a problem with the child!

BiscuitLover3678 · 23/09/2022 18:54

This has made me so sad! I can’t believe they took them off him and said he looked nicer without them :(

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